The Mancunion

Britain's biggest student newspaper

Grapes of wrath

A suspicious wine that causes pain to its drinkers

By

Lambrusco Di Bianco is described on the bottle as a characterful white made from grapes grown in the Modena region of Italy. It can be enjoyed with any meal or simply on its own. However, most students know it as vinegary swill that should not be enjoyed with anything – assuming you don’t want to regurgitate the partially digested content of your stomach. They call it Gaffs’ One Pound Special.

After initially sampling the wine, I now admire the audacity of the vintner to allege that something which is a perfect substitute for my own urine came from grapes, let alone can be attributed with any positive characteristics other than its low price. However, as a duty to my readers, I drank on.

On the nose the aromas lacked complexity. I could only detect one scent in the medley and whatever that was it could only be generously described as pungent. Unfortunately, I finally reached the critical tasting. There are three stages involved when tasting a wine: the attack phase, the evolution phase and the finish. All I can say about this wine is that the attack phase seemed to last forever and that it certainly finished me off! Honestly though, a second tasting wasn’t really necessary when it became apparent the wine’s only flavour was regret.

The prospect of further tasting this wine appalled me, so I recruited some unsuspecting tasters at my ‘friend’s’ 21st. After everyone had had a few beers I took advantage of their mildly drunken state and passed a few glasses round. Responses included “is this even wine?” and “it hurts to drink more of it.”

To conclude, I’m a man with low, and I mean low, standards which even this wine failed to maintain. Now every time I open a bottle of wine I live in constant fear that it could be this bad.

I still bought 6 bottles.

Taste 0/5

Value 5/5

Hangover Factor 5/5