Pizza and pussy day

On the 14^th of March, the men of the world unbutton their jeans in order to accommodate both the manliest of meals, and the most macho of sexual favours. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m talking about Steak & BJ Day, the masculine answer to the decidedly feminine Valentine’s Day.  At least, according to the multitude of websites dedicated to the promotion of this unorthodox holiday, that’s what it’s about.

One website explains; February the 14^th is the one day a year men “get the chance” to shower the lady in their life with “gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic”.  

Ergo Steak & BJ Day, they declare, is simply a logical and formulaic way for women to return the favour.

The use of the word “bauble” to describe the sort of gifts women supposedly crave is pretty spot-on.  Upon Googling a more exact definition of it, these were the primary results:

1.       A small, showy trinket or decoration.

2.       Something of no importance or worth

That sounds about right.  I don’t know about the rest of the female population, but I don’t want a bloody velour-coated cushion.  I don’t want a wonky-eyed teddy bear.  In fact, veto anything with any kind of man-made stuffing. I don’t want a kilo of Thornton’s most obscure chocolates.  I certainly don’t want a CD of ‘The Greatest Love Songs Ever Sung’.  

No, what I would much rather have is something far less tangible, far less squeezable.  I’d like something sweet to eat, and an even sweeter orgasm, preferably where I don’t do any of the work.  

Romance doesn’t have to be a gift shop favour;  being able to pick your partner’s preferred pizza topping and showing her you know exactly which spot to hit in the bedroom is, in my opinion, a much, much better way to demonstrate your dedication.