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Day: 3 October 2012

Man arrested for rape after DNA blunder

A forensic blunder that linked a man with a rape in Manchester has been criticised in a new report.

Adam Scott was due to stand trial in April for a sex attack on a woman in Plant Hill Park, Blackley, north Manchester.

The Crown Prosecution Service dropped the case during a hearing at Manchester Crown Court after it emerged Mr Scott’s DNA, which was taken in connection with a different matter, had been contaminated while being processed at an LGC Forensics-run laboratory.

Police arrested Mr Scott, form Truro, Cornwall, despite being hundreds of miles away from the scene and telling detectives he had never been to Manchester.

He then spent five months on remand in Strangeways prison charged with one count of rape.

A report that came out on 1 October heavily criticised LGC Forensics – the largest forensic science centre in the country – and said its procedures were ‘not adequate’.

According to the report, by forensic science regulator Andrew Rennison, Mr Scott was an ‘innocent victim of avoidable contamination’.

“The sole evidence was a partial DNA profile developed by LGC Forensics (LGC) at its Teddington laboratory and believed, at the time, to be from one sample taken from the victim of the rape,” said Mr Rennison in the report.

“The contamination was the result of human error by a technician who failed to follow basic procedures for the disposal of plastic trays used as part of a validated DNA extraction process.

Politics on Campus: Manchester Conservative Future

Manchester Conservative Future at the University of Manchester and Manchester Metropolitan University is one of the most active political societies, campaigning for our local Conservative candidates across Greater Manchester and further afield. In the last year alone we have left Manchester to help candidates in Cheshire, Lancashire, Merseyside and Cumbria, as well as involvement in the successful Back Boris campaign. Many of our members also had the opportunity to represent the party in the 2012 Manchester City Council elections.
However, political campaigning is not all we do – we have regular socials across Manchester and further afield, and also help raise significant amounts of money for our chosen charity Help for Heroes after our successful volunteering for the Royal British Legion in 2011. This year we are looking at having some high profile speakers to Manchester, and we will be visiting Northern Ireland in December to support our colleagues in Belfast whilst also visiting Stormont. We will also be sending a large contingent to Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham.
The Conservatives in government have ensured that wasteful spending has been cut to ensure interest rates remain low, and debt does not spiral out of control. The Conservatives in government have sowed the seeds of a private sector recovery by keeping taxes low, encouraging new businesses to form and creating over one million private sector jobs. The Conservatives in government have given people the ability to make decisions for themselves with their localism agenda. The Conservatives in government have said “no” to the European Union taking more sovereignty from Westminster.
Manchester Conservative Future is for all of those who support the Conservative Party and the values of localism, responsibility and economic sustainability. Whether you are a Thatcherite, “Cameronite” , One-Nation or a Traditional Conservative, Manchester Conservative Future has them all.
Follow us on Twitter @Manctories or follow “Manchester Conservative Future” on Facebook.

Manchester student tames dragons to win investment

A University of Manchester student secured investment after impressing the judges of popular BBC reality show Dragon’s Den.

Harrison Woods, 22, received £60,000 from Theo Paphitis and Peter Jones CBE who split the investment for a 40% stake in Mr Woods’ enterprise, Primal Parking Ltd., a letting agency for privately owned parking spaces throughout the UK.

The website and phone app allows users to search for spaces within a 1-mile radius.

The geography student gave a confident pitch in the den but three of the dragons declared themselves ‘out’ after expressing concerns with the business, citing the fact other companies offer the same service.

Retail magnate Theo Paphitis praised the young entrepreneur’s “cojones” and prophesised his great success in the future.

Mr Paphitis added he was willing to take a “punt” and invest in the project and said, “I want to be there when you make it”.

Mr Woods told The Mancunion, although he gave away double the equity initially offered, he was happy with the outcome, “to be honest I would have given more,” he said.

Despite only a few minutes of airtime, Mr Woods was actually in the studio for over an hour and described the dragons as friendly and positive throughout. He compared the experience to that of waiting for a bungee jump; he was extremely nervous before his “jump into the unknown”.

Mr Woods funded his enterprise through door-to-door sales of parking barriers, which made him £12,000 profit.

When asked what advice he would give entrepreneurial Manchester students, he maintained, “if you believe in a product, you can make others believe in a product. When I bought the barriers at 19 there were lots of people laughing at me, but I knew it could take me to the next step. Trying doesn’t hurt”.

Seven marathons in seven days raises over £14,000

Two friends have completed the equivalent of seven marathons in seven days, raising over £14,000 for the Natalie Kate Moss Trust, founded in memory of a former University of Manchester student.

Natalie studied Textile Design and Design Management at the University of Manchester between 2004-2008 but died unexpectedly of a brain aneurism in December 2011, aged 26.

Natalie’s brother, Sebastian Moss, and their friend Ashley Collins began their marathon at the Quadrangle at the University before running 180 miles to London, finishing in Hyde Park. The route was chosen because it was the path that Natalie had taken just before she died.

Speaking about the run, Sebastian said: “It was physically the most difficult seven days of my life.  Torrential rain in the first three days didn’t make life any easier, as we moved further south the rain began to ease until we arrived in Hyde Park with glorious sunshine.

“We certainly had some dark and lonely moments on this run and what got us through was remembering all the support which we had received and were receiving during the run, those people that we would be able to help by raising all this money and particularly for me the memory of my sister and hoping that she would be proud of what I’m doing.”

The money, already exceeding the original £10,000 target, is still coming in. The Trust hopes to use the funds to award two annual University of Manchester scholarships to new students suffering from brain injuries, and to support University research into new treatments for strokes.

Sebastian said: “The Trust will offer students who have suffered a brain injury financial support, providing them with the opportunity to complete a degree at the University.  Many people with such disabilities are unable to attend because they cannot afford the additional support they require due to their condition, anything from help taking notes to specialised accommodation.  The Natalie Kate Moss Trust looks to give people a chance to fulfil their potential.”

Societies Events

Monday 8th October

ACTIVIST ACADEMY

Student’s Union, Room 2 (Khaled Said room)

6pm to 7 30pm

The Parliament Outreach service explain the nuts and bolts of how to lobby your MP and how you can influence Parliament directly. Whether you want to campaign on the austerity cuts, anti-fascism, Islamophobia, disabled rights or the environment – this training is for you.

Tuesday 9th October

ZUMBA CLASSES – ONLY £3

Khaled Said Room/Council Chambers

5pm to 6pm

Women for Women International Soc hosts a weekly Zumba class for only £3.This amazing charity helps women of war all around the world, and all money raised goes straight to the charity.

ITCHY FEET

Mint Lounge – Northern Quarter

Itchy Feet will be back at Mint Lounge on Oldham Street for the latest instalment of rock n roll, funk, soul, swing and blues, muddled together by the finest gentlemen in the game, Leo Bedford and pals.

Itchy Feet is the touring rockin’ blues night that is fast becoming the biggest alternative night in the UK, playing in over 30 different cities. It is the ultimate relief to clubbing boredom.

Tickets are £6 and sold in person from one of our ticket reps- see Facebook page for more details- facebook.com/itchyfeetmanchester

Or you can get tickets online from here: http://buytickets.at/itchyfeet/5747

Wednesday 10th October

CIRCUS SKILLS

Burlington Society, (above the Vegge Café)

2pm to 4pm

Circus Societies weekly meeting – if you find yourself bored between lectures this week then they can teach you everything from Rola Bola to juggling to unicycling. If you don’t know what any of these are then you had better go along and find out.

SALSA CLASSES

International Society, Oxford Road

7pm to 8pm

Thursday 11th October

VOLUNTEERING FETE

University of Manchester’s Student Union

11am to 3pm

Find out what’s going on in your local community and how you can be part of it. Meet lots of organisations who are making a difference in the area. This fete is a great way to get involved in groups that benefit so many people in and around Manchester.

Friday 12th October

RAW MANCHESTER ROCKS SOCIETY

Hardy’s Well, Rusholme

8pm till late

Go along, have a drink, and try something different!

Saturday 13th October

AFRICAN CARIBBEAN SOCIETY – Day Trip

12pm

The ACS is organising a day trip to Liverpool this Saturday to visit the International Slavery Museum for Black History Month.

Email for more information: [email protected] and have a look at the Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/acsmanchester.uni

University admissions attacked for shunning private schools

The High Master of The Manchester Grammar School has attacked ‘positive discrimination’ in university admissions, claiming that it risks acting against privately-educated pupils.

Dr Christopher Ray, who is also Chairman of the Headmasters’ and Headmistresses’ Conference (HMC), which represents over 250 top independent schools in the UK and Republic of Ireland, made the comments both ahead of and at the annual HMC conference.

The comments also follow Professor Les Ebdon, the new director of the Office for Fair Access, threatening “nuclear” penalties for universities that fail to meet admissions targets for disadvantaged students.

Dr Ray said: “Without positive discrimination, we wouldn’t have had the huge advances we’ve had on the disabled front. But actually, in their case, they’ve been trying to change attitudes. Here, it’s not attitudes that are being suggested, it’s just straightforward favouring of those who’ve not been able to perform as well, due to the failings of the state sector, on the whole.”

Dr Ray warned that targets to increase state school admissions failed to give credit to pupils on full bursaries at his school, which charged £10,515 for this year’s tuition, for whom “reading books in the home is not part of the culture [and] where no-one else in the family has been to university.”

He said that such targets would mean fewer places for privately-educated pupils and “would be the replacement of one type of perceived unfairness with another.”

But Julian Skyrme, Head of Undergraduate Recruitment and Widening Participation at the University of Manchester said: “’Positive discrimination’ is a pejorative term, used deliberately when people want to criticise these sorts of measures. I don’t think you’ll find any university in the country describe what we do in admissions as ‘positive discrimination’”.

“The idea that an indicator around state and independent schools can accurately communicate your progress in widening participation in very crude. Any university can increase its state school students by going to state grammar schools, but no-one believes that should be called widening participation.”

He explained that the University of Manchester bases admissions decisions on both prior achievement and potential.

“The University has a very large proportion of students from independent schools because these students achieve very highly,” he said, “so there is no issue of these students being discriminated against.”

He said: “Dr Ray’s comments are a good example of somebody trying to defend the interests of their particular sector.

“Readers need to fully understand that most universities want to get the best students from both the independent and state sectors. It’s not either/or, the best students exist in different sectors.”

Around 22% of students at the University of Manchester are thought to be privately educated, though it has the highest number of students from ‘low participation areas’ of the Russell Group institutions.

From Fan-Girls to Facism

The underground culture of 1920’s Berlin was founded upon a new, post-war tolerance towards prostitution and sexual experimentation. A large gay scene emerged as well as a number of establishments specialising in erotic and cabaret performance. This world-famous nightlife attracted renowned artists and writers including Stephen Spender, W. H. Auden and in the case of Cabaret, the young American writer Cliff Bradshaw.

Through the eyes of Bradshaw, played by the charming Matt Rawle, we discover underground culture as he has a love affair with cabaret performer Sally Bowles; a secondary plot surfaces about an elderly Jewish grocer and his affection for German house owner Fraulein Schneider. But what Cabaret really concerns is an underground community built upon decadence and escapism, blissfully unaware of it’s doomed fate as the Nazi administration looms imminently.

Ticket are at West End prices and the creative team ensures the production is of West End proportions. Choreographer Javier de Frutos doesn’t miss an opportunity to show off his dazzling abilities. Set pieces are milked dry with some incredible choreography that blends tastefully classic Jazz dancing with contemporary elements.

Big set-pieces, and big names: Playing pivotal role Sally Bowles, Michelle Ryan is of Eastenders fame and it’s very noticeable. Her acting is at times cringe-inducing and unfortunately her voice is nowhere near powerful enough to deliver songs such as ‘Maybe This Time’ and ‘Cabaret’.  Having said this, her performance was counterbalanced very nicely by her colleagues; Linel Haft particularly deserving of praise for his portrayal of hopeless romantic and Jewish grocer Herr Schultz.

As Cabaret draws to a close, very explicit references to the holocaust are made. On the one hand it is rather admirable for a musical to have the courage to stage such a sensitive subject matter so frankly. And yet, it feels to tiptoe between being a shocking, powerful moment and actually being rather inappropriate; only a few moments before fan-girls had been wooping their beloved Will Young. Moreover, this bizarre juxtaposition feels rather hollow and does nothing to help the audience understand the atrocities that were committed.

With flourishes of brilliance, on the whole this production falls flat, relying heavily on a very strong text. If you have never seen Cabaret, I would definitely recommend that you do so, whether it is this production, the film, or the version our University musical theatre society hope to present this December.

NFL: A tale of two Mannings

The National Football League is as dynamic and ever-changing as any in world sport. In fact, it actively puts rules in place, from the salary cap to collective bargaining agreements, specifically designed to never let the dust settle. Unlike in other sports, most notably ‘soccer’, rigid hierarchies aren’t allowed to form, keeping the game exciting.

Despite this, some things never change. One enduring truth of American football is that the Manning brothers, Peyton and Eli, are never far from the forefront of fans’ minds.

One of the biggest talking points this off-season was Peyton Manning’s return to football. The man regarded by some as the game’s finest-ever quarterback missed the entire 2011 season through a neck injury. He spent 14 illustrious seasons with the Indianapolis Colts, in which he won a record four NFL Most Valuable Player awards and one Super Bowl, before the team released him in March. Looking to the future, the Colts decided to replace Peyton Manning with the best young quarterbacking prospect since…well, Peyton Manning.

Having been snapped up by the Denver Broncos, the elder Manning is playing with something to prove this season. Speculation is rife over whether he can still cut it at the highest level. Obviously, concern for the state of his neck perseveres and now at 36 years of age, questions about his ability to throw the ball with power have been raised.

After the season’s opening rounds, the truth is that we still don’t know what we’ll get from Peyton this year. He looked back to his best in the Broncos’ first game, an upset of the Pittsburgh Steelers, before sloppy, mistake-ridden losses in the following weeks. His arm-strength has looked a bit shaky at times – a couple of throws against the Atlanta Falcons floated weakly in the air before being intercepted by defenders. Combine this with the miscues involved with playing for a new team and Denver’s unforgiving fixture list, and Peyton’s season starts to look doomed before it’s even begun. Luckily, he’s competing in one of the league’s weakest divisions, so there’s hope yet of him making the playoffs for a 10th-straight time.

Brother Eli, five years Peyton’s junior, is playing like the one of the best quarterbacks in the league. Fans of the sport will know him as the man who led the New York Giants to a Super Bowl victory in February, their second in five years.

After an opening-day loss to the Dallas Cowboys, Eli has put together some strong performances, suggesting he’s found the missing piece to his game. He’s always performed well in big playoff games, but his critics point to a relative lack of success in the regular season. As we saw in the Super Bowl, when the pressure’s on he’s the best in the business, but unlike his brother, he’s never been what you would call ‘consistently good’. In his eight NFL seasons he’s been to just two Pro Bowls, the league’s annual All-Star game.

By virtue of being younger, Eli has always lived in Peyton’s shadow. Should he win an MVP award this season however, and he may just start to get first mention in articles like these.

Twenties Touches

With The Great Gatsby influencing designer collections from Gucci to Victoria Beckham, touches of the ’20s will be rife this Winter with accessories and embellishments added to high street designs. If embracing the trend in a whole-hearted, fancy-dress style isn’t the avenue you wish to go down (and we wouldn’t recommend so either,) then you can always work cuts and accessories of the era into your sartorial selection.

If budget is a bugbear, then tops or shrugs with decadent embellishments will exude the look of the ‘20s without having to fork out much on new additions. A rummage through your forgotten accessories is definitely worthwhile, and any literal hidden gems in the form of chandelier earrings or opulent cuffs will channel the decade perfectly on a night out. This mismatch set from ASOS is a mere £9, which is acceptable enough to part with and not so show-stopping that you’ll feel like a light fixture.

Photo: asos.com

The drop-waist was the signature fit of ‘20s dresses, and though difficult to pull off for the avid trend followers amongst us who aren’t blessed with the figure of a bean pole, it is popular on the high-street and easy to dress down quirkily with a pair of pumps; this aqua lace version is only £21 from Dorothy Perkins, and can easily be sported with a pair of pumps to play down the unusual fit, or wear with an art-deco beaded clutch and wavy locks for a Gatsby-worthy look.

University of Salford launches ‘comedy degree’

The University of Salford has launched a degree in ‘Comedy Practices’ – the third degree in the country dedicated to the art.

The three-year BA, at the University’s MediaCity campus, offers students “the knowledge, skills and understanding” to help shape them into “versatile and resilient creative practitioners.”

The £8,500 a year course falls under the category of ‘Performance’ degrees, sitting alongside courses such as ‘Dance Theatre’ and ‘Media Performance’. Famous alumni of the School of Media, Music and Performance include Peter Kay and Salford-born Jason Manford.

Course leader Lisa Moore said: “People who have taken our performing arts courses have gone on to be very successful, and we thought there was a demand for a comedy course. It’s a full-time degree. I would say the majority of students are very keen to break onto the circuit and perform, but it can open the door to lots of other careers in TV and performance.”

Modules offered on the course include Radio Comedy, Acting for Camera, and Scriptwriting for Television. Twenty students have signed up for the course so far, and Ms Moore explains that the University “hopes to build on this” in the future. Applicants to the course are asked to have 300 UCAS points, equivalent to three ‘B’ grades at A-Level. Places are still available on the course for the 2012-2013 academic year.

My Political Hero: Sócrates (with an ó)

For a political hero, Sócrates Brasileiro Sampaio de Souza Vieira de Oliveira, known to the world simply as Sócrates, is far from an obvious choice. But for those with a keen interest in both football and politics, he stands out as a rare example of someone who made a meaningful contribution to both fields.

Unlike other sportspeople, footballers especially tend to shy away from politics. Those who do dip a toe in usually do so for vain, self-serving purposes and end up looking foolish. With an amazing lack of self-awareness, Eric Cantona underlined this perfectly, when in 2010 he encouraged a run on the global banking system. A great many others are merely concerned with their own personal gains. They don’t declare it, but you get the feeling the majority either vote on the right, whose traditional policy of lower taxation they prefer, or not at all.

Many footballers are simply too insular or perhaps too poorly-educated, or both, to ever participate in valid political discourse.

But Sócrates was far removed from your typical footballer. Even in his era, he stood out from the crowd. An educated man, he successfully juggled his early playing career with the completion of his medical studies, qualifying as a doctor at the age of 25. Add to that the fact that his childhood heroes were Che Guevara, Fidel Castro and John Lennon, and you start to get an idea of the kind of man O Doutor (the doctor) was.

In 1978 he joined the giants of São Paulo, Sport Club Corinthians. Known as the Timão, or ‘big team’, they are one of the largest and most iconic clubs in South America, if not the world. While Sócrates elegantly marshalled the midfield on the pitch, off it he set about revolutionising the way the club was run.

At that time Brazil was under a military dictatorship, and its football clubs operated in much the same mould. The players had almost every aspect of their lives decided on their behalf, dictated to them by higher-ups. Sócrates sought change; along with teammates Wladimir and Casagrande, he formed Democracia Corinthiana – Corinthians’ Democracy. Described as a ‘utopian socialist cell’, the system proposed that every decision, right down to simple daily tasks like what and when the team ate, be discussed openly and then put to a democratic vote.

Aside from effecting change within the football club, Democracia Corinthiana also concerned itself with the political situation in Brazil as a whole. More than anything else, the movement was significant as a public display of support for the democratisation of the country, which very much reflected the mood of the people. Sócrates and his comrades would routinely take to the pitch with banners which read ‘Democracia, and they had their shirts printed with ‘Dia 15 Vote’ – vote on the 15th – to motivate as many people as possible to participate in the São Paulo State elections. While not the sole driver of change, Democracia Corinthiana is recognised as an influential part of the campaign to end the authoritarian regime, which was replaced in 1985.

His successful spell with Corinthians came to an end in 1984. Speaking in front of one-and-a-half million people at a rally that year, he announced that only if Congress passed a constitutional amendment to re-establish free elections would he turn down an offer to play in Italy. The motion didn’t go through, and so he packed his bags and headed for Fiorentina.

He later returned to Brazil for stints with Flamengo, Santos and Botafogo Futebol Clube, before retiring in 1989. In his later years he continued his political activism, and became one of Brazil’s most prominent social philosophers, while still finding time to practise medicine in his native Ribeirão Preto. He sadly passed away last year when his alcohol-damaged liver struggled to deal with a bout of food poisoning. You get the feeling he had a lot more to give Brazil.

Sócrates was a truly remarkable man. He was almost totally unique in that he recognised, as a footballer, he had been given a platform on which he could push for social change. By virtue of his success on the pitch, millions listened when he spoke, and he acted on what he felt was his responsibility to improve the lives of ordinary citizens. If only more were like him.

Experience… Barcelona

Barcelona’s popularity amongst budget travelers is quickly growing. Although it has obvious attractions (it’s October temperature reaching an average high of 21C – a whole 7 degrees higher than Manchester) it also has it’s healthy backpacker vibe that helps support cheap student holidays.

Day 1

If you are only staying in Barcelona for a couple of days, be sure to visit the Gothic Quarter. Europe’s Art Nouveau movement gave rise to some of the city’s most prized landmarks. The area is home to eight World Heritage Sites including the famous Sagrada Familia. Gaudi’s church is easy to get to with its own metro stop and it doesn’t disappoint. Currently just marvel at its beautiful exterior as most of the inside is under renovation and isn’t worth the entry price. You’re better off exploring the Catalan cafes that are nestled in amongst the Gothic architecture and experience the Mediterranean cuisine. Avoid eating on La Rambla as it is often overpriced and not up to the scratch of the coastline seafood restaurants. If you are still looking to broaden your cultural horizons, the city hosts several different museums from the Barcelona Museum of Contemporary Art to the Archaelogy Museum of Catalonia.

Day 2

The National Geographic listed Barcelona city beach as one of the top ten city beaches in the world, but in my opinion, relaxation is difficult with the amount of nudists and rubbish roaming around. Whilst worth a visit for the beautiful view of the sea, I wouldn’t spend an afternoon there. Instead take a trip on the cable cars that run from the Port de Barcelona to Montjuic – for €9 you will receive breath taking views of city, a perfect camera opportunity. During the late afternoon stroll around the labyrinth of side streets surrounding the centre and indulge in a spot of shopping, particularly in the pastry and chocolate shops that hand out free samples.

As far as going out is concerned, Barcelona can get quite expensive. There are various party tours on offer, however, that allow you to experience the local nightlife for a fraction of the cost of the big club nights. Barcelona Party Tours offer four venues (a Catalan bar, a bar on Mount Tibidabo with a view of the city’s lit up sky line, a Catalan club and finally Opium – reportedly one of the best party spots in Europe) with a free drink in each location and a coach to get you around for just 35 euros.

Stay – The Be Mar Hostel from £12 per person per night

Fly – Return flights from Birmingham to Barcelona El Prat are £38 during early November

Must See This Week In Theatre: 8th October-15th October

Light-Hearted Intercourse

Light-Hearted Intercourse has its world premiere this week after being unearthed from Bill Naughton’s (Bolton’s most famous playwright) archives and being brought to life by director David Thacker. The play looks at a young couple in the 1920s adjusting to married life whilst keeping secrets from their pasts from each other.

Runs until 3rd November at The Bolton Octagon. Tickets £9.50-£15.50

 

The Heretic

The Library Theatre Company returns to the Lowry with on Thursday with Richard Bean’s new play, The Heretic. A fresh and relevant comedy exploring climate change and the validity of research surrounding it.

Runs until 13th October at The Royal Exchange. Tickets £10-£12

 

Fields of Grey

Hardhitting new drama about the Afgan-US war. A collaborative piece written by New York-based actor and emcee Mtume Gant and Avaes Mohammad (co-writer of Crystal Kisses).

Runs until 13th October at The Contact Theatre. Tickets £5

 

The Country Wife

Restoration comedy ‘The Country Wife’s’ sexual content was so scandalous that it was banned for 200 years. Now a classic, the play promises a riotous evening of seduction and temptation!

Runs until 20th October at The Lowry. Student tickets £5

 

Grease

The musical that requires no introduction, Grease is coming to the Palace Theatre for this week only on its UK tour. Starring ITV’s Grease is the Word winner, Danny Bayne, the show is sure to be an evening of laughs, love and lots of leather!

Runs until 13th October at The Palace Theatre. Tickets £11.25-£40

 

Dolly Parton – 9 to 5 The Musical

Written by the buxom bombshell herself, 9 to 5 begins its UK tour in Manchester this week. The story follows  office workers Violet, Judy and Doralee as they turn the tables on their sexist, bigoted boss.

Runs until 20th October at the Manchester Opera House. Tickets £15-£42

Size is never an issue: the pros and cons of being with a girl, by a girl

First of all, the rumours are true, the sex is mind blowing. Girls are soft and sexy and with two sets of boobs in the bed, there is no room for complaining. Girls know their own bodies and are, in turn, more knowledgeable when it comes to satisfying the girl they’re with. In my experience, girls are very generous.

As a girl who likes girls, I can also confess that sex is not limited to the bedroom, or the shower, or even the car for that matter. Changing rooms and club toilets are just some of the locations where lesbian couples can get away with things that straight couples normally cannot. Plus, size is never an issue. With unlimited resources in various shapes and sizes, satisfaction is almost always guaranteed.

Sex aside, being able to go shopping with your partner and not disagreeing about which shops to visit, is a definite positive. Sharing make up, clothes and often friends makes life easier and your sleepover bags lighter. Girls, on average, are also more understanding which aids communication and makes for a stronger relationship.

But, as with all relationships, it isn’t all plain sailing. Being with a girl often means synchronised periods – for example. So that’s double the dose of PMS – one painful week of over emotional mood swings, stomach cramps and all round bitchiness.

Whilst it’s not always negative, lesbians seem to be in the habit of progressing through the stages of a relationship at lightning speed. Having told my now girlfriend I loved her before officially giving her that title, I am especially guilty of this. For whatever reason, we just can’t seem to wait.

In my opinion, the ultimate downside of being a girl who likes girls is the truck load of stereotypical questions that come your way. ‘Which one of you is the man in the relationship?’ and ‘Who’s going to wear the wedding dress?’ being my particular favourites.

Being part of a lesbian couple is not without its difficulties, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

The Baby Food Diet

Finding it hard to lose those few pounds you put on during a summer of barbeques and boozing? Want a quick and easy to follow diet plan to help you get back into those skinny jeans? Well this may be the diet for you, albeit a slightly bizarre one.

The Baby Food Diet has become one of the biggest crazes to sweep the world this year so far. Forget the Maple Syrup Diet, this plan promises to whip you into shape in as little as a week, with noticeable results beginning to show within 48 hours. The diet boasts several celebrity success stories, such as Jennifer Annistona and Rhys Witherspoon.

There are no complex guidelines to follow, nor is there any excessive calorie-counting to do. You simply do what it says on the tin: eat baby food. Around fourteen portions should be consumed throughout the day, accompanied by a low-calorie, low-fat evening meal such as grilled chicken or fish with steamed vegetables. The baby food can be any flavour you desire; it should be free from fats, fillers and other additives. Sounds like the perfect, simple plan for a quick dieting fix, right?

As with all diets however, there are a few dark clouds that are bound to rain on your mushy pea and blended parsnip parade. Following the regime can be easier said than done; in reality it’s difficult to cope with barely any solid food. Whilst baby food is filling and nutritious for the average six month old, it is hardly going to satisfy the stomach of an adult. Some have complained that the plan becomes very repetitive, to an extent where it becomes tedious and even nauseating. What is more, fourteen jars of baby food is actually an excessive amount of food to be consuming- each jar contains around 125 calories.

My conclusion: leave this one to the babies! This diet is more of a trend than a realistic long term plan. Tracy Anderson, the creator of the fad, has stated no specific nutritional guidelines and has yet to recommend an exercise plan to compliment the regime. Whilst this may be successful for a dieter looking for a quick fix, any lasting results remain to be seen. Pureed food is never going to cure a hangover like a double cheeseburger does anyway.

Tales from between the bedsheets

Harry

18 years until I lost my virginity! I guess you can’t miss what you’ve never had…

Edd

A couple of months; I was in a long distance relationship. I think that having to wait made the sex better!

Katie

Two different year long periods. I just got used to it by the end.

Josh

I’m in a long term relationship, so luckily I haven’t had to go without sex for longer than a week or two for ages!

Meg

Five months is my longest sex drought. It was traumatic, but thankfully an angel from above came to my rescue.

Hannah

About three months. Those three months were awful.

Dom

I haven’t had sex since June and its now October. In all honesty, I am beginning to worry that I’m never going to get any ever again, but perhaps that’s a little dramatic.

Izzy

It was six months for me. I really don’t know how I coped. Those were bad times.

Matt

A few weeks, I don’t know how people can go without it for months or even years at a time!

Cara

I once waited two years after a particularly bad break up. Sex isn’t the be all and end all for me. Looking back, those two years were hassle free!

Charlotte

A few months, it wasn’t too bad.

Callum

Between my last relationship and my current one, I waited 10 months to have sex. It didn’t really bother me. In fact, it was well worth the wait. I knew I didn’t want to go out and have one night stands. I think that sex is always better when its with someone you really like.

Emily

I haven’t had sex in about six weeks. At the moment the withdrawal symptoms aren’t too bad, but I hope that it doesn’t last too much longer!


Holiday Disasters

Travelling, though a supposedly joyous past time, has scope for endless disaster. Despite a year abroad and many other happy holidays, an epiphany dawned on me just a few weeks ago upon reflection of the past year, and the 4 – yes 4 – consecutive flights I have had cancelled out through no fault of my own; I am jinxed.  My trips are not supposed to go to plan, and there has been me meticulously planning and train hopping to my heart’s content with the naïve assumption that it would run smoothly. I hereby have compiled a list of dilemmas that one such unfortunate soul as I  may have, or will soon encounter:

A volcanic ash cloud

Blanketing our planet back in 2010, the ash cloud was for some the solution to all our revision neglecting problems with mitigation excuses secured. Terrorising travellers until mid May, I was one of the lucky ones to have found myself stuck in Thailand, Moscow, Sofia, Madrid, Lille, and London respectively due to a series of emergency landings,  throwing away all the hard work I had done in 1st year.  It goes without saying that not only did my bank balance suffer a hefty blow due to 27 hour coaches, emergency phone calls and hostels, insurance companies were simply not interested as it was deemed an act of God.

Snow/ice

These particularly frosty weather conditions are likely to have affected us all over the past few winters. As ice skating is not the preferred method to get about, in fearless optimism I booked flights to Amsterdam and Berlin to escape the British transporting catastrophe and our incapability to cope with more than a bit of rain. Both flights were of course cancelled, and I lost faith in the global battle against snow.

Missing flights

There is of course, the off chance that your flight may go to schedule. However due to unforeseen circumstances, you cannot make it in time. These circumstances more often than not involve alcohol the night before, or a problem actually getting to the airport. Upon arrival at the airport you may find that your passport has disappeared or more annoyingly that you have forgotten to print your boarding pass- in which case you will face an unjust charge from Ryan air, to add insult to injury.

Trains

Trains are the making of the passengers inside them. You can have a ricketly 19th century steam train that bumble along the tracks, but if all the passengers are nicely spaced, polite and inoffensive characters then you will most likely enjoy a pleasant journey. If however, you find yourself travelling by train from Bangkok to Chang Mai in Thailand, it does not  matter that the train has reasonably comfortable seats, and even surprisingly an operating toilet; for it will be swarmed with small barefooted children, sleeping either under your seat, on your knee, or in the toilet, for the entire 10 hour duration of the journey. And this is standard class.

Lessons learned

Do not book 6am flights when you will inevitably get wasted the night before.

Avoid Moscow airport at all costs.

Travel on weekdays if possible- it’s much cheaper.

Book hostels ahead of arrival for lower rates.

Putting the ‘Sis’ back into Genesis

Five stars out of five stars

Sister Act, the 1992 smash hit American comedy movie. A film that has made over $230 million worldwide, seen by everyone, it would seem, except for me. I entered the Manchester Opera House blindly, holding no expectations or prior knowledge, however as a Sound of Music lover the idea of a musical based on singing nuns wasn’t a completely alien thought to me.

The story of Sister Act is one of disguise, glitz, truth, and in the words of Delores, our showgirl/nun; being FABULOUS BABY

When Delores Van Cartier witnesses a mob crime, she turns to the police, where she is ordered to lay low in a nunnery until justice can be done. There are plenty of comically delivered lines here to entertain the audience as Delores struggles, at first, to adapt to her radically different life as a nun such as; “im going incognegro”, “look at this frickin penguins dress!”

Predictably the convent appears to be just what Delores needs and she brings the opposite to what you would expect to a church choir; dancing, pop and Motown music, glitz and glamour. Despite the choir’s initial resistance, it appears to be just what they needed ; they find instant success and secure a concert for the Pope, helped by their zany publicity, fronted by Delores. Undoubtedly, this is seen by Curtis, the leader of the mob and Delores’ ex-boyfriend, who now knows her whereabouts.

There are plenty more hilarious scenes as the rest of the disjointed mob crew attempt to enter the convent and seek out Delores. Justice prevails though and the mob is arrested to the applause of the audience.

This production truly encompassed all that a musical comedy should be, divinely funny but with fabulous singing to match. Delores, Sister May Robert and Eddie’s solos were jaw dropping at times. The dazzling wardrobe, with more glitter than you could even comprehend, portraying the ultimate disco vibe, topped off these amazing voices.

This is the perfect feel good musical to see, especially on a rainy Manchester night, it’s fun, fabulous and so uplifting that as a standing ovation the entire audience got up and started boogying along! Whilst the conductor popped up in full clerical attire! Great singing, glitz, catchy songs and dance moves I’ll be imitating, this really is a musical you don’t want to miss, so in the words of Delores and her Sisters, ‘Take the Hint’ and go and see this!

 

‘Sister Act’ runs at the Manchester Opera House until the October 6th

Raw Like Onions

Three stars out of five stars

Before attending the Friday night performance of ‘Onions Cry Too’ I knew very little about the play’s content. I was told in advance was that it was ‘a play about old men in a care home’ and that was it. Naturally, this left a lot of room for intrigue and slight confusion as I waited for Friday to arrive – my thought processes trying to be as clever as possible – did the ‘Onion’ title allude to grumpy, angry men or did it mean, like an onion, you shouldn’t take old men at face value? Would it be naturalistic, depicting the characters’ lives or would it be stylised and abstract? I went along to the Lowry with few expectations, only thinking soon I will understand the mystery of the title and what on earth ‘onions’ meant.

Even now I’m still confused. I have two mind-sets about the play as a whole. The storyline is very interesting: three old men are seemingly visited by Charles who appears to enjoy unsettling and abusing their mellow lifestyle. It is clear throughout that there is a larger concept however; Charles and Donald have an unknown relationship as they tousle with the other two men’s minds. The plot is a complicated and clever idea by the writer Jayne Marshall, but unfortunately I found it was severely compromised by the acting and with only four actors with equally sized roles, the poor acting ability strongly dominated the play.

As the performance began I wondered if the play was purposely stylised with almost lilting rhyming couplets. However I soon realised it was just the acting and Arthur Bostrom’s camp flamboyancy as he was basically playing Officer Crabtree from ‘Allo Allo!’ all over again. The script was slightly clichéd and by the end I didn’t feel particularly satisfied as though the plot twist hadn’t been completely explained or conveyed effectively. With such a complex concept better acting is a necessity to carry the play through.

Nevertheless, the general notion is very sweet and touching as two old men, Bertie and Alfred, are forced to reflect on their lives facing the regret and guilt they have allowed to dominate their listless existence. There is one very moving scene as Alfred, played by the commendable Eryl Lloyd Parry, reminisces about his wife and daughter which even led to me, from my cynical approach by this point, to develop a lump in my throat. The old men go through stages of liberation through flashback and confrontation, almost like peeling away the layers of an onion to get to the heart. Altogether there were some pleasing moments throughout; I found the set design to be a perfect metaphor by the end’s revelation, but the acting standard for two hours was difficult to watch. Both the acting and the script need revising before the play becomes as hard hitting and raw as it is intended.

 

Onions Cry Too ran at the Lowry from the 26th to the 29th of September.

Believers Be Damned

Four stars out of five stars

With the debate over climate change and global warming perpetually in the forefront of public consciousness, it was with some trepidation that I took my seat for The Heretic, expecting a very long, very overwrought sermon on ‘the truth’ of the matter (whatever that may be). Luckily, this did not occur. Instead, the play, written by Richard Bean (the man behind theatrical juggernaut One Man, Two Guvnors) and directed by Chris Honer, offers up the interesting concept of a sceptical Earth Sciences lecturer at a fictional U.K. University being targeted by eco-warriors for her questioning of the official line. What follows is two hours of hilarious and engaging, albeit at times inconsistent, theatre.

Bean’s script is the true star of the piece: witty, brisk and razor-sharp, it never patronises the audience, nor seeks to debase itself to become more accessible. This balance is ably achieved, allowing the humour of the piece to flow free and fast. While the First Act produced plenty of dry, knowing titters, the second half of the play (more farcical in nature) generated the genuine belly laughs. The performances are exceptional, one slightly weaker cast member aside, the actors confidently matching the tight writing with equally tight performances. Cate Hamer is assured and strong as Dr. Diane Cassell, the titular heretic. She often acts as the straight man from which the other actors (in particular Stuart Fox in a fantastic comic turn as the head of the Earth Sciences faculty) bounce off, but is no less impressive for doing so. Also notable is Polly Lister in a brief but brilliant performance as an officious Human Resources employee. A mention must additionally go to the superb stage design of Judith Croft which captures wonderfully the essence of a drab university office and a middle-class kitchen (despite the rather conspicuous lack of a dishwasher and, as my friend pointed out, rubbish bin… niggling I know, but noticeable nonetheless).

Unfortunately, while the various components of the production were all stellar, there were several rather jarring moments in the play, mainly during the dramatic sequences. The more weighty themes running through the piece, namely anorexia and self-harm, were somewhat clumsily dealt with, the audience occasionally unsure as to how to react. Furthermore, an overly (and I mean overly) long scene change which occurs just after the emotional crux of the Second Art felt disruptive to the flow of action: perhaps it can be attributed to it being the first performance in a new space, but it was still problematic.

The positives of The Heretic, however, far outweigh the negatives; and what it can sometimes lack in dramatic punch it more than makes up for in comedic brilliance. Running until the 13th October at the Lowry, Salford, it is worth seeking out this play. Although you may want to steer clear if you’re an overly sensitive Media Studies student.

 

‘The Heretic’ runs at the Lowry until October 13th.