Just what is good sex? Molly Allen weighs it all up.
Sex. That three letter word. In our collective experience, few of us have had good sex with all of our partners. There’s the guy who basically masturbates but replaces his hand with a girl, the girl who lies there like a corpse and then there’s the overly nervous bunch who just can’t seem to let go at all. But what actually makes sex good? And are my friends correct when they say that the best sex they have ever had was with someone who they were emotionally involved with?
Firstly, I am sure that we will all agree that there are basics for good sex. A physical attraction is key – I have only ever slept with one person I didn’t fancy (after far too much wine I hasten to add) and even writing this, I have to suppress the urge to vomit all over my keyboard.
Secondly, we are not in a porn movie. Overly dirty talk is really not necessary and can just be off putting. The same goes for overly complicated dirty talk. A guy once asked my friend if she wanted to see his penis… in French – she was just confused. One last thing, don’t believe everything you read in magazines. Not all men are going to want you to get off with their armpits for instance (yes, I actually read that in a men’s magazine).
Without stereotyping, the general female opinion does seem to be that relationship sex is the best. You’re connected on an emotional level, so you feel comfortable and relaxed, but it’s still exciting. Equally, I have some male friends who prefer to be involved with the girls they sleep with, rather than picking up some randomer in a very short dress from POUT.
However, we all know that one night stands can be fun and that they will satisfy your needs if you’re withstanding an agonising dry spell. That said, do you want to risk the flash of awkward panic every time someone who looks like them rears their head in Blue 3? Or the pressure of them expecting post encounter text contact?
The conclusion is that a bit of both is fine – enjoy one night stands and relationship sex (although ideally not at the same time, as this may lead to problems). But, if you want truly good sex, find somebody you like (and who knows what you like) and a real emotional connection rather than an alcohol-induced one.