The Ultimate Valentine’s Day Restaurant Guide

Personally I don’t really see the point of Valentine’s Day. And this isn’t some bitter singleton speaking – I have been accused by multiple friends of being a “serial monogamist”. No, I’m just turned off by the idea of love as a consumer spectacle. I don’t really see why you’d want to be in a relationship where your partner only remembered to value you on one pre-determined day of the year…

But hey, enough cynicism. Even if you don’t go in for the chocolates/ roses/ cheese-y Hallmark card there is an upside to Valentine’s Day – it provides the perfect excuse to push the boat out a bit and treat yourself to a nice restaurant meal. With this in mind I thought I would provide a handy guide of restaurants in Manchester that might suit the occasion:

For the couple still in the honeymoon phase:

Ah, the start of a new relationship – the bit where you don’t even fart in front of each other yet and are still pretending to be richer/ funnier/ have a better taste in music than you really do. These restaurants will allow you to dress up and be a bit flash, although you might regret it when you next check your bank balance…

San Carlo

A favourite of footballers and minor celebrities, this swanky Italian joint is sure to pull out all of the cheesy and clichéd stops in the classiest possible of ways. Try the sharing platter of fish and shellfish cooked in white wine with “a touch of tomato and garlic” or the ‘Tagliata Di Filetto Di Manzo’ (doesn’t Italian sound romantic? That’s basically just steak) then finish with something chocolatey.

Australasia

Ideal for couples who are beautiful but rather dull, the music will drown out some of your conversation while the glamorous surroundings are perfect for people watching. Perhaps more trendy than romantic nevertheless it’s the kind of place you want to be seen. The menu is a slightly confused sounding fusion concept, but the cocktails are sure to be fabulous and beautiful people tend not to eat much anyway.

The French

For proper foodies only, this one will require an investment of about 4 hours and £79 a head for their 10 course tasting menu. The food is guaranteed to be stunning but it’s probably best to be sure you are both up for eating ‘Ox in coal oil’, a raw meat tartare, or ‘lamb belly and sweetbreads’ before you commit to spending over three weeks of your food budget on one meal.

For the Valentine’s Day refuseniks:

So you secretly would quite like to do something for V-Day but don’t want to come across all soppy. Here are a few restaurants that would mean you can have a fun night out but avoid the cringe-factor of candles and roses.

SoLiTa

Despite being described as ‘Dude Food’, I don’t reckon the menu here is particularly gendered. The appeal of deep-fried mac ‘n’ cheese, aged Dexter prime rib steak or one of their epic burgers is pretty universal, and the place is very Northern Quarter but not in an exclusive way. And don’t worry, they wouldn’t be seen dead playing love songs.

Luck Lust Liquor and Burn

Another NQ favourite, and ok I’ll admit this one is a bit more up itself. They have a neon sign saying “Jesus Loves Tacos” and I don’t think they hire anyone without tattoos. But it’s not their fault; they can’t help that they’re the sister restaurant to Almost Famous. The food and cocktails are great and the place manages to be romantic – dimly lit, pink fairy lights, candles etc – but not in an embarrassing way.

For the Tinder date you accepted for the company:

You don’t want to be alone on the 14^th but you’re not sure about this one. In fact you might both have accepted out of pity/ desperation, so bearing that in mind it’s really not worth splashing the cash.

Fallow

But you never know, it could be the (unlikely) start of something beautiful. In that case the low-key but friendly charms of Fallow are the answer. They’ll be offering a tasty 3 course menu with a glass of wine for £20pp, and you’ll probably be pretty close to home if you decide to do a runner…

Dosa Xpress

Functional doesn’t even begin to describe the décor, but at least they’ve made an effort with some fairy lights. At the end of the day the tasty South Indian food is so cheap you really can’t complain, and they might even put a fake flower on the table as you gaze into each other’s’ eyes and struggle for conversation.

Wetherspoons

To be honest, if you really think that Spoons is your best option I’d say cancel and stay in getting fabulously drunk with your mates.