This week our resident lifestyle guru Kitty Treverton Jones deals with first year blues and the ethics of dating
I am a first year in halls and I didn’t arrive at university until the end of Freshers’ week because I was on holiday. I still feel like I haven’t properly settled in and I think it’s because I missed the first week of bonding with my flat. They aren’t particularly close as a group but I still feel left out. I’ve made some friends on my course and in different flats in my halls but I still feel like I’m missing out. Will it get better or should I think about moving halls?
When you’re a fresher at university there seems to be this pressure to have ‘The Best Time Ever’. Freshers’ week is crazy; some people love it, but others utterly despise it. It’s an experience, but it is not the embodiment of your whole social life at university. If you haven’t bonded as a flat maybe you are simply not all suited to being friends. People often end up making friends with entirely different people to the ones they spend Freshers’ week with. Concentrate on the friendships you have with other people in your halls and your course friends. If you feel really uncomfortable living there, then maybe consider moving halls. However, don’t worry too much: not every flat becomes best of friends, and remember, you can live with whoever you choose from next year. University is a big adjustment in lifestyle and it takes time to settle in; unlike your coursework, there is no deadline for when you should start to feel at home.
A guy I met recently asked me to go for a drink. I think he quite likes me and I’m inclined to say yes to the drink (what do I have to lose?!) but I’m pretty sure I don’t want anything at the moment. Would it be mean if I agreed, knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere?
Here is my theory—one drink is absolutely fine, even if you know it’s not going to go anywhere. Two dates is acceptable, if after the first you surprisingly hit it off. Three or more dates then you’re leading him on, and if you’re not interested, then you’re morally reprehensible. Unless of course you tell him from the beginning that you don’t want a relationship: he may feel the same, and this could be the perfect opportunity for a delightful friends-with-benefits situation.