The Mancunion

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Overheard at the University of Manchester, April 2015

The funniest things you’ve been saying around campus this month


“If my daughter turned out to be a porn star I’d kick her in the face”
Overheard in the union

“He blocked the toilet with the loo roll from his wank last night, AGAIN”
Overheard in Fallowfield

“I’m not friends with her, the fat ox”
Overheard in Stopford

“I’d rather lick a girl’s arsehole than get with a girl who smokes”
Overheard on a magic bus

“According to Tinder, he’s a penguin tamer!”
Overheard in the Chemistry building

“I thought my lecturer was telling me it was student erections not student elections”
Overheard outside Ali G

“I didn’t know girls had three holes until a year and a half into my relationship”
Overheard in Withington

“Oh God, no, my family do not eat Emmental!”
Overheard near Platt Field’s Park

“I’ve got a bottle of alcohol in my pants, can you tell?”
Overheard in

“It’s much harder to not have sex in a single bed than in a double bed; in a double bed you can shift away from each other”
Overheard on the 42, Rusholme

“Hey, that’s my sick from last night!”
Overheard at the Sainsbury’s Fallowfield bus stop