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Day: 22 April 2015

The diary of a Manchester Bridget Jones

Written by Anon on . Posted in Lifestyle.

After having spent my Easter with my mum continually asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend, and then trying to fix me up with her friends’ sons, waiters in cafés, even the medics she’s teaching, I couldn’t wait to come back to uni and return to the nag-free haven that is Manchester.

It started rough; on the first bus journey to uni, I fell up the stairs of the bus. Not disastrous, but I dropped my lunch. The lid of my Tupperware popped off and my chicken salad was no longer edible, but merely resembled roadkill. Everyone on the very cramped bus looked at me, and to cope with my mortification, I laughed manically and then snorted.

Yep, snorted. Like a pig.

I figured there was only one way to turn this day around: Go to yoga. There are two benefits to yoga. One, it’s exercise without actually getting tired, and two, there’s an incredibly hot guy in my class. Only one of two guys, admittedly, but the other is a 60-year-old man. In I waltzed, my mat casually slung over my shoulder and I set myself down doing some back stretches. As Hot Yoga Guy walked in, I gracefully inhaled and sat up straight for optimum boob pertness. The class started, I was on fire with my poses, I felt so zen I was on another planet. We were finishing up with a bit of downward facing dog and suddenly… it happened.

As I breathed out and relaxed my muscles, I farted.

The teacher stopped, the class looked up from their mats and Hot Yoga Guy started to laugh. I’m 99.9 per cent sure I can kiss any possibility of him being interested in me goodbye, and I’m going join a gym in Cornwall to get as far away from him as possible.

If you need me I’ll be hiding under a rock.

Live: Peace

Written by Zakk Brown on . Posted in Music.

12th March

Deaf Institute

9/10

Cheap beer, pre-teen limbs flying everywhere and more loose hair bouncing around than barber shop’s bin on a paint mixer- what else could it be but another indie gig? Peace put on a stellar show on their first of three nights at the Manchester Deaf Institute.

After less than half the venue was filled for the support act I thought I was in for a disappointingly quiet show, but I was proven horribly wrong once Peace came on stage. The band’s big singles such as ‘Wraith’ and ‘Follow Baby’ had several albeit pathetically vanilla moshpits, which is strange for an indie crowd but still a testament to how the band can get the crowd riled.

The band also put aside their more playful side for a trio of sombre tracks including‘Perfect Skin’, ‘Happy People’ and ‘Someday’ to show they’re more than just a one trick pony and have a more mature side rather than just cheek and mischief. The highlights however were the climax of ‘California Daze’ leading into the mostly instrumental ‘1998 (Delicious)’, offering a good 10-15 minutes of musical skill and a sense of euphoric build-up to a worthy pay-off to the wild crowd. The other was an impressive mash up between Disclosure’s ‘White Noise’ and Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick In the Wall’, showing that Peace’s can offer more than standing on stage, playing their albums and going home.

I will say it would have been incredible, if not a bit too ambitious, to see the giant disco ball in the Deaf Institute used on the more disco-y tracks like ‘World Pleasure’. But evidently the crowd would rather mash their perspiring bodies into each other than dance to funk tracks. In all though, Peace put on one hell of a show.