Sexy Sex vs. Real Sex

Everyone warns you about how losing your virginity is going to be a pretty dire experience. But no one tells you about how sex in the shower is not as titillating as you may think. For those of you who have tried to translate ‘movie sex’ into real life, you may have found out that things aren’t always as they seem.

Sex in the shower seems like a sensual and steamy experience when you see it in the movies, but finding a sustainable position can prove to be a problem. Not only are the physical logistics problematic, but the satisfaction (particularly for the girl) can prove a little less concentrated. The fact of the matter is, although sex in the shower seems pretty sexy, it can wash away the passion and make it difficult to continue to another location.

TIP: Try lathering up with a loofah and having a sensual shower together rather than sex. This can get you both in the mood and ready to move into the bedroom.

Sex with food (when done right) can be a delight. All the strawberries, the cream and the chocolate. Any great sex scene with food always ends with something good, but consider replication in real life: You can imagine the fun you can get up to with chocolate, but then imagine waking up in the sticky mess that you fell asleep in—feeling the shame of the calories and peeling yourself away from the covers. I can’t imagine creamy sheets smelling so good in the morning either. Food and sex initially seems awesome, but say that when you’re thinking about the mess and not the sex.

TIP: Get a pair of ‘food sheets’. Stick them on and do what you will with your companion of naughty delights. You don’t have to worry about ruining the sheets, the purpose of them are to aid your sexual experiences.

Sex in a lift is always risky and the risk factor heightens the sex appeal. Doing it in between levels looks like fun at first glance, but think about the time. You’ll literally be in and out if you don’t want to get caught. This can’t be great for anyone, and on top of that think of all the people who have been in that lift. You’ll have no one to blame but yourself if you walk out of there with a few extra living bodies—and I don’t mean people!

TIP: If you really want the mile high experience, you could try using a lift that isn’t busy, this way you ensure less germs and more time. Also you might want to consider easily removable clothes.

We all love nature: the birds, the bees, shagging up trees. Sex on the beach, in a forest, and in the garden all draw on classic sensual movie scenes. They provide the perfect backdrop for an intense connection, but when you try and do this in real life you have to find somewhere that’s relatively comfortable and bug free. Be prepared for one of your backs to never look the same again—all that rubbing on a natural surface can’t prove to be good for the general wellbeing of your body.

TIP: Maybe plan a picnic in a secluded area, this way you’ll have a blanket already with you where you can enjoy more than just sandwiches!