Skip to main content

arthur-salisbury
30th November 2017

Ashes Preview

Come on lads, make Jim Jeffries cry
Categories:
TLDR

A cold, hard, look at the god damn facts. In seven series — that’s just as many as The Game of Thrones and six more than Bellamy’s People — England have won just once in Australia. Back then, the England side had flaws, but they were of a more personal nature.

Strauss was a Tory, Trott a neurotic, Kevin Pietersen. But each was, at one or more points in their career, the greatest living Englishman. Or more accurately, the greatest living South African.

Cricket’s strength is in its particularity. The home advantage in football has been declining since the Second World War, but in Test cricket the reverse is true. Prior to 2002, 117 Ashes Tests were won by the home team, and 98 by visitors. Since then, the respective figures are 25 and 7. Some might construe this as a problem, but for me, this is a much of the beauty of the game.

An example: Moeen Ali had to sit out the warm-up match against Cricket Australia XI at Perth. This is significant only because Perth is where the third Test will take place, and Moeen missed the chance to harness the Fremantle Doctor, the afternoon breeze that blows from the Swan River and allows the offspinner to drift the ball away from the right-handed batsman. Isn’t it eloquent?

Not always. Particularity does not mean that everywhere is particularly eloquent. The Gabba in Brisbane, where the first Test takes place – the Gabbatoir – is a case in point’. It’s quick, it’s nasty, it’s where strong men throw it at your face then spit on the ground. It’s not the subtle movement and quiet applause that suit Anderson and Broad. It is wired into Australian cricket.

In England, we use a Duke’s cricket ball, which is far more susceptible to swing than the Australian Kookaburra. To take wickets with a Kookaburra ball in an Australian climate you need pace and bounce, and an essential anti-intellectualism – qualities the home side have in abundance.

As I write, we are an hour from play in the first Test. An hour until Joe Root leads a Stokes-less side out in front of 40,000 angry convicts’ grandsons, and an hour until I settle down to attempting to sync up BT Sport with Test Match Special. I fear it will be a struggle for both of us. For England to retain the Ashes, we must take a leaf out of Jarvis Cocker’s book and use the one thing we’ve got more of. And that’s our minds.


More Coverage

The new generation of F1 drivers: Wasted potential?

F1 is the highest class of international racing for single-seaters, but with such extreme competitiveness and only 20 seats on the grid what are the options available to talented drivers like Liam Lawson or Oliver Bearman?

Tyrants cruise to playoff victory against Stirling Clansmen. Final Score: 20 – 8

The Tyrants wrapped up the division title on the final day of the regular season against MMU and progressed to next round of the playoffs with a convincing win.

Memories of the game: A look back at favourite sporting moments

Whether it be on the world stage or during adolescence, there has been one sporting moment that has stuck with everyone. Explore the emotional and accelerating seconds that remain with our team to this day

The not-so-secret epidemic of neglect in women’s football

The dismissal of Sheffield United’s Jonathan Morgan ripens the discussion regarding the safeguarding issues in women’s football