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Month: February 2012

Manchester Entrepreneurs £10 Challenge

Following the success of the ‘Big Sales Challenge’, Manchester Entrepreneurs (ME) is launching yet another skills-based competition, the ‘£10 Challenge’ in early March.

 

Competing between teams of no more than 5 people, the idea is to make as much profit as possible over the span of 48 hours, with a start-up of only £10 you can keep buying and selling to make as much profit possible.naturally, the decision-making on capital investment is the core challenge of this activity, but effective marketing is also crucial in order to succeed. That the challenge allows full flexibility from product choice to delivery will spark students’ business senses while pushing them to think creatively while working under a highly limited timeframe and resources. This is a chance of polishing salesmanship skills in the form of a fully hands-on experience.

 

In our last challenge, the winning team walked away with £235 in cash– as per ME tradition, we’re offering 50% of the total profit made from this event as the prize for the winning team, while the team with the most innovative business idea will be treated to a pub meal at Revolution.

 

The event will take place 6-8th of March, 2012. Don’t miss out on your chance to engage in a worthy challenge and show-off your inner entrepreneur, because who knows who the next Jay-Z might be?!

 

Further information will be posted during the week on the Manchester Entrepreneurs group FB page at: http://www.facebook.com/groups/manchesterentrepreneurs/

It’s a Goodwin for everybody

As has been prominently reported by every single news outlet in the country, Sir Fred Goodwin is now simply Mr Fred. He was stripped of his knighthood for his role in the collapse of RBS and the £45 million he has cost the taxpayer through his epic mishandling of the bank. Whilst this move has been loudly trumpeted by Cameron, Clegg and the body who did it, the Forfeiture Committee, Mr Goodwin has been strangely quiet about the whole affair.

Who can blame him really, the poor man’s probably in shock. OK so he might have managed to bring about financial Armageddon, and admittedly he suffered no legal consequences for it whatsoever, but taking his knighthood away? That ought to show the bastard. Obviously it would just be unsporting to think about touching his massive piles of money, or his £16.9 million pension for that matter, I mean talk about kicking a man when he’s down. I feel sure I’m not alone in feeling that losing the right to be called ‘Sir’ is an entirely proportionate punishment for one of the worst cases of fiscal mismanagement this country has ever seen. Here’s how that conversation probably went:

“Sir Goodwin, the press are still saying some awfully nasty things about you,”

“I know, they’re always having a go, they just can’t seem to forget about the whole thing like the City chaps have.”

“Well I’m afraid we’re going to take your knighthood away.”

“You think they’ll leave me alone now they’ve had their revenge?”

“Probably,”

“Do I get to keep my obscene pension?”

“Absolutely,”

“Oh, alright then.”

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected] 

Smack My Kid Up

Smacking is back! Or at least it’s back in the news. For those not in the know, smacking was banned in the ’90s, but the law was deemed confusing and clarified in 2005. The law currently forbids smacking so hard as to leave a bruise or redden the skin (sensible enough until you realise, as pointed out by a comedian whose name I can’t remember, that black skin doesn’t redden). And there the issue lay dormant, until MP David Lammy’s comments recently that ‘smacking might have prevented the riots’.

This woulda-coulda-shoulda kind of thinking is as pointless as trying to convince a die-hard liberal parent that the occasional smack might not harm a child so much as they might think. However, Lammy’s comments have re-opened a tin of worms that was best left half-eaten and abandoned at the back of the fridge. In Britain we all seem to fall into one of two camps on this issue.

Camp one: It never did me any harm, and look at me now – I read the Daily Mail so I must be a fully balanced human!

Camp two: HOW could you even THINK about harming a CHILD? You must be a MONSTER to BEAT your own FLESH AND BLOOD (insert wacky constipated face here).

Without getting into this thorny issue – which, for the record, finds me tending towards the latter but acknowledging that very rarely, a symbolic smack MIGHT be the only way to get a message across – it seems that we might benefit more from approaching the riots from a less backward-looking perspective. We can all agree that nobody should wantonly hurt a child, and definitely that those that seem to enjoy it rather too much should be kept from doing so. So much, so unsurprising. But how many people think that smacking should be banned altogether? A poll on the Guardian (which is still running as of writing this)  reveals that even 55% of that paper’s famously liberal readership thinks that smacking is ok. Will there be a ban on smacking? No, the UK wouldn’t accept it. Whether that’s evidence of our anachronistic attitudes is open to debate.

However, Lammy himself has been caught by a trap which it’s easy to be snagged by. In relating smacking to the riots, he’s revealed that he tends towards lazy thinking – ok if you’re expressing an opinion, less so if you’re involved in drafting policy. Because there is no way to prove that smacking by parents reduces, increases or acts neutrally on a child’s future propensity to violence or crime. The assumption that it increases discipline is just that – an assumption, and people have all manner of views, memories and anecdotes concerning it. With that in mind, and with the laws as they are – flawed, deeply, but functional and unlikely to change – what is the point of raising the Smacking Question?

Labour is the party which the naïve might expect to move away from these retrograde questions, and ask more meaningful ones like ‘what is the effect of eviscerating social support for all families while increasing support for financial institutions to the point of alienating us from the rest of Europe likely to be’? But as society swings to the right, Lammy exposes himself as someone with no new ideas – this, not a chronic lack of future spanking fetishists, is the most dire threat that we now face.

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected] 

Agree with us at your peril

Comment & Debate Editor Ben Green explains why the term ‘U-turn’ needs to be banished forever.

 

It is virtually guaranteed that if you pick up any newspaper on any given day of the week, it will somewhere contain an article accusing local or national government of a ‘U-turn’. In the figurative sense it is used, a U-turn means a reversal of one’s position, invariably as a result of outside pressure; normally this means that a proposed policy is to be dropped, or a Bill amended or even stopped. Recent government ‘U-turns’ have been the ‘pause’ in the progress of the NHS Bill or the reversal of cuts to disability benefit, and only recently Manchester City Council’s decision to sink its proposed fines for people over-filling their wheelie bins was triumphantly announced as a ‘U-turn’. The common theme throughout these and other stories is the tone of admonishment always adopted by the press in its reporting. A ‘U-turn’ is categorically a bad thing, because the politicians involved have not stuck to their convictions, but instead caved like the slack-spined parasites they really are.

But just for a moment let’s consider what doing a ‘U-turn’ actually means. The government, or council, has come up with a policy which, for whatever reason, seems to them to be a good idea. In the Manchester case given above, one assumes that over-filled bins are difficult for bin men to collect, so the council has devised a plan to address the problem and bring in a bit of much-needed cash at the same time.

Whilst this seems very sensible to those designing the policy, local taxpayers did not see it the same way, so that when the policy was announced there came an entirely justified outpouring of public malcontent and the policy was dropped in the face of this outrage. So here is what’s actually happened: Manchester’s elected representatives have had an idea, which they proceed to implement. In doing so the public makes it known that they disagree and that in this instance their representatives have got it wrong; in response those representatives duly drop their plans. It is very difficult to see how that is anything but a laudable example of democracy at work.

In an ideal world our elected representatives would get it right every time. In an ideal world the only policies and laws government tried to implement at any level would be perfect in every way and perfectly suited to the needs and views of every demographic. Of course in reality this is simply not possible, there are always going to be people who disagree with a policy and in some cases there are always going to be policies which the majority disagree with. This is because politicians, think tanks, the civil service and everybody else involved in these things are, as much as we may like to pretend otherwise, human. The idea that if a policy proves wildly unpopular the government should stick two fingers up and go ahead with it is simply ludicrous, and besides leads to headlines regarding the party’s dereliction of democracy instead of a sneering article about a ‘U-turn’.

It is almost impossible to adequately spell out the mind-boggling lunacy that is on display when papers demand that something be done, or not done as the case may be, which is contrary to the current position and then lambasting the government when they do it. It is the same situation as if a lecturer were to set his class an essay, but after listening to their reasonable protestations that they already had a full workload, decided that they didn’t have to do the essay after all. Now depending on how conceited you are, the lecturer has either reversed his decision in consideration of the solid case put forward for doing so, which on balance is better than the case in favour, or he has done a ‘U-turn’.

As well as the blinding hypocrisy of the thing, there is a secondary problem. If the government are going to smeared whatever they do – as wishy-washy U-turners if they listen or iron-fisted autocrats if they don’t, it seems that there is very little reason not to just do what they wanted to do in the first place. If I were to spend half an hour after an argument insulting anybody who eventually realised I was right, nobody would bother to agree with me. Not only is this whole ‘U-turn’ business irrational and insulting, but it is actively harmful and must be stopped.

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected] 

Vive le Cabaret

Vive Le Cabaret’s dazzling Valentine’s Day special promised a night to remember and it certainly did not disappoint. The venue and soundtrack at The Lowry Theatre were an ideal setting for the night’s flamboyant events with red satin tables, classy decor and a medley of old jazz and swing with a contemporary edge.

The night was hosted by MC Des O’Connor who kept the audience entertained, rowdy and full of expectation. The face-painted extrovert’s unique way of warming the crowd consisted of playful antics such as making them whisper cheeky come-ons into their neighbour’s ears. O’Connor secured the audience involvement with comedic sing-alongs and encouraged raucous heckling so successfully that some of the comments from the house outshone some of the acts themselves.

The extravaganza incorporated comedic silliness with cabaret and aerobic marvels. The most impressive was the confident Edd Muir, whose talents include stunning fire juggling, a daring whip routine and a pole number that finished with him pouring cola down his oh-so toned torso to the delighted shrieks of the women in the audience.

Gypsy Charm’s solo act brought some much anticipated burlesque to proceedings, with a grinding strip tease that sent male body temperatures sky high. The only disappointment to the evenings events were the quartet Hustle, the opening act whose tame routines fell flat in comparison.

The climax of the show was the Rayguns Look Real Enough, a bonkers mashup duo, who brought the audience close to tears with one of the singer’s skintight tiger outfit that revealed his striking pot belly. Their laugh-out-loud live music and outrageous flirting with unsuspecting members of the audience proved they were worthy of their headline act title.

Vive Le Cabaret is not a spectacle for the faint hearted but is a perfect treat for those who want to revel in a camp and hilariously naughty take on cabaret.

Chinese State Circus

This unique performance from The Chinese State Circus was exhilarating and undeniably gripping throughout. It showcased a traditional Chinese art form which ranged from balancing on bicycles to smashing bricks on each others’ heads. The audience seemed mesmerised by the performances and the theatre was filled with gasps innumerable times.

The show reflected the Chinese culture in an extremely captivating manner through the media of dance and acrobatics. Hoop jumpers effortlessly hurled themselves through a series of stacked hoops executing mind boggling and baffling routines which made me sit on the edge of my seat. The clever amalgamation of live musicians side-stage assisted in delivering an intense theme while the performers executed faultless jumps, dives and contortion using a number of oriental props.

The embodiment of comedy with the use of a cheeky Chinese character invoked roars of laughter as he floated through the audience tossing popcorn at spectators and picking on certain people in between set changes.

For me the most exhilarating routine involved ten of the artistes climbing onto a single bicycle and performing a spectacle of acrobatic and gymnastic pieces, whilst manoeuvring around the stage. Defying gravity was a consistent feature as the performers somersaulted between fast-moving ropes and agile routines between two 30ft poles.

There is no denying that the performance was a feat of agility and poise in an evocative art form; its high-octane theme, a stunning ballet performance roused emotion amongst the audience, finishing with one performer standing en pointe on her partner’s head.

The performance was a comical and graceful extravaganza displaying the traditions of Chinese acrobatics in the form of gripping and invigorating routines.

A cheering thought

Has exam stress got you down? Have you returned from your immaculate, well-stocked home over Christmas to find yourself once again afflicted by empty cupboards and housemates whose idea of washing up is to leave it in the sink until you do it? Despair no longer then, because – despite first appearances – this article bears a message of hope that might sustain you for up to an hour or so of this bright future.

Subtly it’s come about that those to whom I now speak must downgrade their expectations of the future. Our world, or at least the Western half of it, seems to have run suddenly and irrevocably out of gas (not literally, that will come later). Those who came of age in the previous boom-time generations have spent the inheritance on pointless wars and on keeping most of Britain’s banks afloat when they couldn’t do it themselves. The invisible hand of the market is fisting us, and it turns out that diamond rings and things we used to own (like the promise of a future of abundance) do not make very good lubricant.

Those of us who were born with the ability to be sensibly pessimistic will not, perhaps, be surprised. But to the others who, like me, prefer to stay more optimistic, I offer this in consolation: the problems faced by this generation might prove to be its making. The advantages which characterise it have been proven very effective by the Arab Spring, undoubtedly the most momentous world event (or events) of last year. This is a change whose significance will be proven, whether for good or ill – it is the world’s responsibility to push for the former if possible, but the primary meaning of these events is the importance of allowing the people of the Arab world to determine their own future. Counter-intuitively this might mean intervening to help to prevent the rise to power of any usurping tyrant – a scenario that will with luck remain hypothetical.

Anyone left who cares about the future of this country might seek to apply the same principles here. Although those now coming of age lack the great numerical advantage that the baby boomers managed to leverage for effecting change, we have access to technological advantages comparable to the invention of the printing press and television combined, and each person now can connect remotely with others in ways hitherto unimaginable. Given the right motivations and goals these might prove pivotal in updating the straining power structures of this nation and others. As long as we don’t just use this tech to tweet incessantly about the X Factor we might yet save ourselves from global warming and chronic privileging of some over others…

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected] 

Depression: silent killer

Gary Speed’s recent, tragic, passing at the age of 42 has pushed one of the more delicate topics into the public domain, depression. Depression is not a simple feeling of unhappiness we all inevitably feel once in a while, it is an illness. This, in itself, is a difficult thing to comprehend; a feeling of malcontent so deep and all encompassing that it can, in severe cases, lead to suicide.

Clinical depression is often described as a silent killer; it can attack all that someone holds dear or enjoys in life, leaving feelings of hopelessness and self-loathing. It is not simply that something has upset the sufferer; it is a feeling of worthlessness that can infiltrate all facets of a person’s life, completely reshaping them and, often, making it difficult to continue or see a light at the end of the tunnel. David D. Burns, a professor of Psychiatry at Stanford University, noted “depression can seem worse than terminal cancer, because most cancer patients feel loved and they have hope and self-esteem”.

Despite this stark comparison, the outlook is far less bleak for depression sufferers; symptoms can be improved by medical attention in only a few weeks in up to 90 percent of cases, according to recent research by the American National Institutes of Health. If not treated, it has been found in an independent study by the World Health Organisation that those who suffer from depression or similar mental ailments are often more unhealthy physically. These effects can take a huge toll on all those who suffer from depression.

Unfortunately, in a number of severe cases these symptoms lead to suicide. Suicides will always be great tragedies, especially when, in the reported case of Gary Speed, that person contributed so much in their life. It is, however, a greater tragedy that the subjects of suicide and depression are not discussed to a greater extent in the public domain. Suicide is the second biggest killer of men aged between 15 and 24 in the UK, behind road accidents.

A staggering one in five deaths in this age group is due to suicide – much higher than prostate cancer which, throughout the month of November, has been securely in the minds of all who saw a moustached man. I am not for one second suggesting that the spotlight be taken away from prostate cancer, a more than worthy cause, it simply seems bewildering that an illness so prevalent and with such potential to destroy lives is not discussed in the same way as similarly devastating medical conditions like cancer and HIV/AIDS. Lack of awareness can be cited as a direct reason why as few as a third of those who suffer from diagnosable depression seek medical attention.

While Gary Speed will be remembered by all as the great footballer, manager and man that he was, it is a stark reminder of the devastation that suicide can cause and the need for greater discussion of this silent killer.

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected]

Crime and retribution: there is one less bicycle in Beijing.

 This, if you happen to be reading, bicycle thief, is all about you. Why do we try to rehabilitate offenders? We do it because the criminal is a victim as well; it is not his fault he is forced to steal from his neighbour to scratch a living in this harsh and brutal world. He is but a product of his environment and a ghostly agent tracing out his own life.

Well I disagree. He is a criminal, a vagrant, a hater, a rogue and a defiler of the laws of the land. He doesn’t deserve to be wrapped in cotton wool and told that he really hurt peoples’ feelings.  I recently had my bicycle stolen and – as you may be able to tell – my heart retched with pure hatred and anger, knowing that another human being has stolen an incredibly important possession of mine; and that, if caught, he will be treated as more of a victim than me and be rehabilitated.

 And what is this strange obsession with rehabilitation?  Is that not a wicked and depraved idea unto itself; the idea that you can, through some mechanical system, change the very fabric of somebody’s brain? Change their very soul to what the state demands? It is depraved. Punishment is a much more humane system than rehabilitation, you need only read ‘A Clockwork Orange’ to understand what the ultimate aim of such a rehabilitant system really is.

Alas, we need punishment, not rehab, for these people. The idea that such people are sick is a lie. They are simply evil people who are prepared to suppress those instincts you and I would not dare ignore: empathy, compassion and a sense of solidarity with our fellow creatures. Why is it that their warped sense of morality makes them such victims? How is it Victorian to suggest that people who commit crimes are bad people? And why did they steal my fucking bicycle?

Punishment need not be the cat-o’-nine-tails or the birch; we have prisons to reprimand people with in the modern world. All I ask is a reasonable loss of liberty and time for criminals, I don’t think that six months for stealing a bicycle is excessive. We need prisons because the criminal and I are different in one very important respect; I am not a criminal. I am not the kind of person to hunt this criminal down and viciously beat them, steal from them or destroy their property. We need prisons and punishment for the state to enact its retribution against the offender.

But there are of course a great number of other issues; the police themselves are rather pathetic (not the individuals but the way in which they are organised) in their pointless visit after the crime. The disinterest heard when on the phone to head office and the unending sense that ‘petty’ theft is simply a matter of fact, that I should feel bad for hating the criminal and that it was somehow my fault; had I not only had a thicker chain on my bike or put it in a less obvious place.

So, yes, I do hate Criminals. I think they are evil and deserving of punishment.

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected]

Elektro Kif

Elektro Kif are a French Elektro dance troop consisting of some shockingly youthful dancers for their abilities. Their performance was choreographed elegantly considering the music they were jiving to, but most impressive was their synchronisation. They moved as if one single entity, to put it bluntly. With one of the group separating off to make their own way around the stage at any one time.

The movement was continuous yet they hardly seemed to break a sweat, everything they did, the bizarre contortions one would only find oneself in if one was combining electro house, ballet and voguing all in one swift move, appeared to be what their bodies were born doing.

The score, composed by Tao Gutierrez, was an impressive range of afrobeat, electro and classical. The two of the eight dancers who became the focus during the classical section were phenomenal in their movements making the   deftly incorporated ballet with voguing, seemingly natural partners. However, this area is similarly my main critique, could we  not have removed the squeaky trainers that thumped and distracted from the routine? Baring this in mind the two dancers were graceful.

Whilst I perched on the edge of my seat hypnotised by the group, the rest of the audience were having a wail of a time laughing at the jokes between numbers that I wasn’t getting. Silent disco-Michael Jackson high-pitched impressions with accompanying moonwalk just don’t float my boat. The excitement was clearly too much for a few to handle as the middle aged lady to my right “whooped!” as one of the dancers dropped his trousers, I have no idea whether this was in awe of the dancing prowess with which he swarvely dropped his kecks or the considerable muscle on display, either way she was appreciating it.

America – who needs them?

When it comes to America, the entire world seems to suffer from an inferiority complex. What makes America better than any other nation? And why are we so convinced we need them to prosper? Perhaps it’s because America is the world’s largest economy? However, if we really take a deep look into the American economy, it is nothing without the rest of the world. On average, America imports 60 percent of its oil resources from countries including Canada, Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Nigeria, Iraq, the United Kingdom, Norway, Angola, Algeria and Colombia. Seven of those countries are still considered to be underdeveloped nations, a term that alludes to inferiority when put on the global stage. As oil is an integral part of the American economy, it needs those underdeveloped countries in order to top up their own oil field reserves and keep their economy afloat. Therefore, there is no need to feel inferior; in fact if anything those countries should feel superior.

Furthermore, as the second-largest exporter of goods in the world, America needs the rest of the world in order to have a consumer market. Quite honestly, if every nation in the world were to stand up and expel America from the global economy the world would survive, maybe even better than now. Oil resources would be under less pressure as their largest consumer would disappear, nations struggling to compete with American products would be able to step in and fill the void left by the US as they watched their national economies grow. For all of you economists out there, yes, initially it would be hard for supply to meet demand, but over time industries would develop and at the end of the day America would be the country left behind. Therefore, America cannot have a relatively strong economy without other nations.

So America isn’t economically superior to the wider world; maybe it’s democratically superior then? America’s federal system, with its strict network of checks and balances, has been lauded by an array of political scientists as more democratic than those states with majoritarian systems. But apply democracy outside of domestic policies and to America’s foreign policies and this argument soon withers away.

Throughout its history, America has been notorious for supporting repressive dictatorships in order to protect their economic interests; the US knows it needs everyone else to have a strong economy. The Greek military junta of the ‘60s and ‘70s, Cuba’s Batista, the Somozas of Nicaragua, Egypt’s Mubarak, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia and Mbasogo of Equatorial Guinea are just a few of the names on the endless list of dictators American governments have supported and some which it continues to support today. Clearly, America cannot be considered democratically superior to authoritarian regimes if you value the aphorism “the enabler is as bad as the doer”.

Ok, so America is neither economically nor democratically superior to any other country in the world, so maybe it’s just a historical path we’re stuck on. Since its independence in 1776 America has been incessantly involved in global politics and survival now seems impossible without them, after all, what country can say it has absolutely no American support?

That would be Cuba. Despite relying on American financial and political aid since its “independence” in 1898, in 1959 Cuba managed to cut the umbilical and reclaim itself. Since then Cuba has managed to survive without America. Despite an unstable economy, Cuba has one of the most respectable health and education systems, which are free and universal. In America a trip to the doctor could bankrupt you on some occasions. If a country like Cuba, only 110,860 square miles in size, with limited natural resources and cut off from the world’s largest economy can manage to stay afloat without American help; then why does the rest of the world -including developed nations like the UK- convince themselves that America is superior to them and that they have to do what America says in order to prosper?

Quite frankly it’s because the world lets America exploit them. Like the bully on the playground, America pushes other nations around and these nations take America’s orders because they believe it ensures their protection. But again, if every nation were to stand up to America and say “we’re not taking this anymore”, the country would lose its abusive power.

So take a step back and look at America even more closely. The world doesn’t need America, it only believes it does. And if we remember this in the future, the rest of the world could stand to benefit.

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected]

A farewell tribute to the Mancunion

The Union’s ‘monster referendum’ is here and they’re casing for your votes on a great variety of matters. Many of the planned measures would undoubtedly improve the Union – the clause to allow online voting for policy motions would certainly increase the likelihood that any such motion could actually pass. Unfortunately, buried in the mass of by-laws and sub-clauses is a restructuring of the Union Executive and student media which will, if passed, be the end of this august publication as we know it. Alarmist? Possibly, but unfortunately this is the case.

One of the proposed by-laws (“Executive Committee By-Law”) will remove the post of a full-time, paid Mancunion editor, whilst a second by-law (“Media Charter and Media By-Law”) would see the creation of a ‘Student Media Group’ beholden to the Union Executive, rendering whatever remains of the paper independent in name only. So what is the suggested alternative? Members of the Executive have indicated that the editor will be replaced by a current student. They are expecting a student to take on the full-time job of editing a 32-page newspaper, containing in excess of 100 articles every week, with duties including liaising with the design team, chasing deadlines, running editor’s meetings and ensuring the paper is actually printed.

They are expecting somebody to do this not only whilst maintaining their studies, but for free. Our editor is here at nine o’clock every morning and does not leave until five in the evening, often later. Running a newspaper is a full-time job; it is not a society commitment that can fit around more important things, like studying. Even if by use of some miraculous Bernard’s Watch-type device, a student were able to find the time to work a nine-to-five job around their studies, there will inevitably come the point where they have the option of completing an essay / studying for an exam or making the paper come together that week. Quite rightly, in such a circumstance, the paper will always lose.

Fortunately, the Executive seem to have this covered in the aforementioned Student Media Group by-law, where cryptic reference is made to the Mancunion editor’s responsibility to publish a ‘regular’ newspaper. Note that it does not say ‘weekly’. In realising that heaping all of the editor’s work and responsibilities on some hapless student is absurd, the Executive begun to vaguely mention a ‘media intern’. The idea here being that, instead of paying the editor to do their job and run the newspaper, the Union will instead pay the media intern (whatever that means) to do all of the actual work, leaving the student editor free to make editorial decisions.

It is clearly understood that the job of running a newspaper cannot be done by a current student – the Executive evidently accept that it is a full-time job, and that it must remain as such. Yet, bizarrely, they intend to remove the editor and replace them with a paid intern and in so doing not even save money. The upsides to the Executive are obvious; without a Mancunion editor on the board and with the de-facto editor a Union employee instead, they will be able to exercise control over the paper, killing any unfavourable stories and turning this paper into a Union propaganda pamphlet.

I should point out here that the proposed Student Media Group would not only give the Executive control over the Mancunion, but over all student media – Fuse FM and Fuse TV as well.

It is because of these proposals that I and the other Mancunion editors will be abstaining from voting in the referendum. 1,000 votes (of which 501 must be ‘yes’) are needed in order for the referendum to pass. Our best chance of stopping its passage and ensuring the continuation and continued excellence of this paper is by not voting. So now I urge everybody reading this: please do not vote in the Union referendum. Sadly, it is the only way to save your student paper.

Disagree? Tweet us @mancuniondebate or email [email protected]

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Review

Having almost nothing positive to say about a film which revolves around the story of a boy with learning difficulties trying desperately to cling onto a fading memory of his father who was killed in a terrorist attack probably makes me an awful person.

However, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, based on the novel of the same name by Jonathan Safran Foer, fails to hit any of those emotive spots it spends the majority of its two hour running time incessantly trying to jab at. It is instead extremely disappointing and incredibly frustrating.

The story follows Oskar Schnell (played by newcomer Thomas Horn) as he diligently tries to solve a final posthumous conundrum set by his late father (Tom Hanks), in turn pissing off his grieving mother (played by Sandra Bullock). His lone journey to find a lock to fit a key he perpetually wears around his neck takes him up, down and around the five boroughs of New York City over three years.

For a while he is joined by a crusty old man whose overall significance to the plot is highly debatable; he doesn’t say a word and spends a lot of the time slowing the journey down by going to the toilet three times an hour.

It’s your typical tale of self-discovery, but the film lacks that certain something that’s needed to communicate this to the audience in a way a novel would easily achieve.

Eric Roth (of Forrest Gump fame) penned the screenplay, so I went in hoping that his script, coupled with Tom Hanks on the billing – who doesn’t love Tom Hanks – would evoke a similar fuzzy feeling inside of me. Instead, I spent the first fifteen minutes feeling irrationally annoyed at how stereotypically ‘daddish’ a doughy-faced, sweater-vest-clad Hanks is portrayed, as he frolics around playing fun-yet-educational games with Oskar.

As soon as that irritation subsided, I then became overly preoccupied with the fact that Oskar continually donned shorts when it was clearly freezing outside. So yes, my main observations are irrational (very), however, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close simply fails to engage its audience in its yarn.

What is actually a truly heartbreaking tale has been sugar-coated by Hollywood; opportunities to convey the sadness of the story are replaced with shots of objects falling to the ground and shattering in slow-motion and a breathy, unnatural narration by Horn, making it almost impenetrable.

With the credits rolling, I left feeling a little bit cheated, a little bit empty; my cold heart was not warmed, merely heated to a tepid state. Despite the fantastic effort by Horn who essentially carries the film on his pre-pubescent shoulders, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close became but a fading blot on my brain by the end of the day.

Interview: Inspiral Carpets

The Inspiral Carpets break the mould somewhat for the latest trend in the Manchester music resurgence, since they’ve actually been reformed since 2003. However, with Stephen Holt back, completing the original line up, the reunion spirit is strong. I caught up with bassist, Martyn Walsh, to see how the veteran line-up are finding life back on the road and in the studio.

The Carpets have just come off a hugely successful South American tour, playing to thousands of people like they’ve never been apart. “Steve must have nerves of steel – the last gig I did with him was in 1988”, Martyn tells me. “It was scarily straight back into it”.

The Inspirals were always bigger than any one member but it’s fair to say that the reception for Stephen’s return has been a positive one and the choice to tour South America was a conscious one, proving themselves as a global band, not just a bunch of blokes who can “walk down Oldham street and be recognised”.

The feeling in the Inspirals Carpets camp is high, with the boys touring the UK in March and spending time in the studio again. Martyn tells me how the band’s approach to writing has changed: “I’d written ‘You’re So Good For Me’ a while back but I didn’t feel comfortable bringing it to the band because we didn’t feel in the right place. For me, bringing that to the band and recording that was a big part of our progression. We all put our own angle on it. A couple of weeks ago, we recorded 2 new tracks – the good thing is we’re recording at our own pace. The songs have to equal or better what people are used to. There is a trademark Inspiral Carpets feel – we couldn’t come back as a dubstep act but we need to show people we’re still relevant.”

There aren’t any set dates for albums or new singles meaning that the band are very much taking things as they come. The band will be supporting fellow Manchester legends Happy Mondays in a gig that is sure to bring back a few memories. “There were some fun and games that went on. Our first ever gig we did abroad was with the Happy Mondays. I remember Shaun being sunburnt all over. Now we’ve all grown up a little bit. It’ll be really interesting. It’s good to see bands back out there who’ve got something to say. Some of the after show parties could be messy.”

With bands like The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays and The Inspiral Carpets back, Martyn tells me how he thinks it can only have a positive effect on music, especially on the up-and-coming Manchester acts. “If it can help them and get them going, “We’re really pissed off with all these old bands, we’re gonna show them” – that’s great! I’ve got a huge dislike of the way Liverpool does stuff. The Liverpool music scene has stagnated but we’ve got some great, exciting and vibrant bands supporting us like Delphic, The Whip and The Deadbeat Echoes. What drove us was to better our inspirations – bands like The Buzzcocks.”

The Inspiral Carpets are an integral part of a musical scene that is making a powerful resurgence. “Sometimes I think, is it right that a bunch of 40something’s are on stage? But we’re still delivering a quality product. I know that sounds a bit business-like. The core of our band is trying to write timeless songs, not trying to follow a fashion.”

Recording, touring and re-connecting with audiences worldwide means there is a lot of excitement surrounding the Inspiral Carpets and their fellow Mancunian counterparts.

Inspiral Carpets have been confirmed to play V Festival and Kendal Calling. They go on tour with Happy Mondays in May and tickets are on sale now. Dates and venues below:

May 

3 – Newcastle O2 Academy
4 – Glasgow O2 Academy
5 – Manchester Arena
6 – Sheffield O2 Academy
9 – Bournemouth O2 Academy
10 – London O2 Academy Brixton
11 – London O2 Academy Brixton
12 – Birmingham O2 Academy
14 – Dublin Olympia
15 – Dublin Olympia
17 – Leeds O2 Academy
18 – Nottingham Rock City
19 – London O2 Academy Brixton

Jurassic roast

When I was scabby-kneed, snot-nosed 8-year old, I would wile away the hours in the garden playing the part of the queen raptor from Jurassic park, meticulously acting out her part in the infamous “clever girl” scene. However, despite my enthusiastic performance, I had one flaw as a carnivorous predator – I was vegetarian. This wasn’t by choice, my parents had forced their animal friendly diet upon me. Little did they know of the trauma it would cause me as I watched the Bernard Matthews turkey dinosaur adverts with a tear in my eye, knowing that I could never taste those mechanically-shaped forbidden fruits.

But now I am free to choose my own gastronomic destiny and am no longer bound the chains of a meat-free lifestyle, allowing me to eat turkey dinosaurs until I gorge myself to death. But, I am also no longer 8-years old and far more serious about my food. One cannot be satisfied by mere reptilian shaped poultry, instead my appetite demands a far more sophisticated combination of gourmet sauropod.

After taking a peek round Sainsbury’s and enquiring with the shop assistants, I concluded that I was probably not going to acquire any lizard meat. So instead I would have to create my own, taking the traditional Sunday roast and transforming it into a ferocious prehistoric beast using my state of the art genetics lab (see kitchen).

Practically, the limitations of cocktail sticks meant that, structurally, creating family-favourite therapods, such as Tyrannosaurus rex and Velociraptor, was out of the question. Instead I chose to recreate, in edible form, a member of the ceratopsia group (to which the well known Triceratops belongs), Mojoceratops, interestingly named by its discoverer as a joke after he had drunk a few too many beers.

So, with a body of beef, legs of chicken, a chipolata tail and a bacon frill the my work was complete and the behemoth was ready to thunder through a foliage of broccoli and dwarf beans. Roaring from its greasy, pork-product mouth and gazing out at the now very, very late Cretaceous with its grape eyes.

Then, before it even had a chance to realize what was happening, it was attacked by a lurking predator. Its torso sliced to pieces, its limbs torn apart, its head decapitated; all served up with some crisp roast potatoes and velvety gravy. At long last, my childhood culinary fantasy had finally been lived out, at the completely appropriate age of 23.

Soon to be extinct

Recipe:

Ingredients:
1.5 – 2.5 kg joint of beef
12 chipolata sausages
4 chicken drumsticks
8 rashers of bacon
2 grapes
2 black peppercorns
lots of cocktail sticks

Method:

Torso/beef
Crank the oven to 180ºC. Lay the beef in a roasting tray and season with a good bit of salt and black pepper. Shove it in the oven on the top shelf, it’ll take 25 minutes per 500 grams and then another 25 minutes on top of that.

Legs/drumsticks
In the last hour of the beef cooking, place the bovine on a lower oven shelf and cover in foil. Turn up the oven to 220ºC. Place the drumsticks in a casserole dish, sprinkle with some chili powder and drizzle with oil. Put them on the top shelf and let the skin crisp up. Once its crisp enough turn it down to 180ºC and let it cook for the rest of the hour.

Tail/sausages
Following advice from Mr. Nigel Slater, sausages are best fried, slowly, this allows them to have a wonderfully sticky skin. Whilst cooking the sausages, throw some diced onions into the pan and fry until they become sweet crystals. You can then pour in the juices from the cooked beef and add boiling water and gravy powder, leaving the sausages to finish cooking in the meaty broth.

Frill/bacon
Bacon is best grilled, giving you the delightful marriage of crisp and tender – and it should always be smoked.

Putting it together
Skewer the bacon onto the cocktail sticks (of course watching your fingers), apply the cocktail sticks in a similar fashion with the legs. The head is the trickiest part and should really be left to cocktail stick experts Finally, stick on the grapes for eyes with a peppercorn pushed into each one for the pupil.

Editor’s Note Issue 14 27/02/12

Hearty congratulations must go to the University this week after they resolved to pay all of their staff in line with their own pay scales. This means that service staff will be paid at least £7.80 an hour. Given the difficult economic climate and financial difficulties hitting the higher education sector it is particularly commendable that the university’s senior management has been able to take this decision. Credit must also go to the group of campaigning students who worked to get a ‘living wage’ implemented.

Continuing on our theme of congratulations, in this issue we report that Manchester has the unique honour of being rated the 35th best city to study in the world. You’ve chosen well.

Turning the pages of this week’s issue you’ll see words like ‘special’ and ‘deluxe’ smattered liberally throughout the paper. As you might have read here last issue we have been gearing up for Student Media Week. Turn to our features section to get a taste of this week’s events and why student media is so important.

We will be running an information and recruitment fair, talks from key people in the media industry. But we have a great deal of social events organized by those working for The Mancunion and Fuse FM. Our Speed Hating event and tea party, both taking place at Platt Chapel will also be raising money for charity so you’ll be having fun AND doing something good. Any way schmaltzy sales pitch over, let’s have a look at what else we have in store for you.

As the referendum on Scottish independence is edging slowly nearer some students have been considering what would happen if the Scots actually went for the nuclear option. Business & Finance have been asking what would become of their (overly?) generous tuition fee arrangements. Turn to page 11 for more on this.

With the news last week that iPhone photography has now become a university course (in Kensington, obviously) our Comment & Debate Editor Ben vents his considerable ire at the very idea of such a course.

This year’s student elections are just about start up again, with nominations for people wanting to stand closing on Thursday, so get involved. Log on to www.studentelections.co.uk  for more information.

Live: Pulled Apart By Horses @ Club Academy

17th February 2012

Club Academy

9/10

The first time I saw Pulled Apart by Horses was at the Deaf Institute in June 2010, around the time they released their debut record. It remains one of the finest shows I’ve ever been to. On paper, it seems bizarre; their blend of alt-rock and post-hardcore and ridiculous lyrics make them sound as if they’re made up of The Jesus Lizard’s daft kid brothers, but therein lies the beauty – if nothing else, this band is very, very fun.

Back in town to promote their second release, Tough Love, and in a considerably bigger room, I had been harbouring concerns over whether eighteen months of hard touring and the move up to larger venues would have stripped away some of the ramshackle charm that had made that night at the Deaf Institute so memorable. The chaos that ensues during openening number ‘I Punched a Lion in the Throat’ immediately puts those fears to bed, with frontman Tom Hudson straight over the barrier to roar the nonsensical refrain ‘ultimate power! maximum life!’ with the sell-out crowd. It’s a mark of the band’s confidence, though, that they choose to open with probably their biggest fan favourite, and audience reaction appears to demonstrate that their faith in the newer material is well-placed; ‘Shake Off the Curse’, ‘Epic Myth’ and lead single ‘V.E.N.O.M.’ all successfully recreate the debut record’s winning combination of frenetic riffery and irresistible shoutalongs. Musically they’re an acquired taste, lyrically they’re completely absurd, but Pulled Apart by Horses are riotously good fun.

As far as I’m concerned, they can place the ‘Best Live Band in the Country’ award next to the one for ‘Best Band Named after a Medieval Execution Method’ on the mantelpiece. They’ve earned it.

Pulled Apart By Horses – V.E.N.O.M (live)

Album: Magnetic Fields – Love at the Bottom of the Sea

Magnetic Fields
Love at the Bottom of the Sea
Merge Records
3 stars

Love at the Bottom of the Sea, Magnetic Fields’ first album to be released since the end of the “no-synth trilogy” of the last three releases, is a confused, occasionally brilliant romp of an album. In a record that lasts little more than half an hour, Stephin Merritt’s group throw together fifteen songs of varying quality in a maelstrom of manic creativity. This ramshackle approach produces an album which is undeniably enjoyable, albeit marred by irritating moments of contrived kookiness.

Perhaps the album’s inconsistencies can be attributed to a hangover from the synth-less period which produced records as accomplished as Distortion. Indeed, the new album’s opening track, ‘Your Girlfriend’s Face’, seems overly keen to return the band to the electronic territory of their earlier work. The song sees Merritt’s fine vocals overpowered by garish synthesizers, a problem which reoccurs later in ‘The Machine in Your Hand’. Merritt, a songwriter usually renowned for his wit and charm, also lets down his redoubtable baritone delivery with some poor lyrics. On ‘The Horrible Party’, for example, he pleads with the listener to “Take me away from this horrible party and I will give you some money”. After considering the song’s ridiculous oom-pah rhythm, they may be tempted to prolong his suffering.

Despite these flaws, the album nevertheless offers a number of examples of Merritt’s mercurial talent. ‘God Wants us to Wait’ is a sharp satire on Christian chastity, while ‘Andrew In Drag’ evokes David Bowie while inverting sexual politics. The band’s synths are deployed most skilfully in ‘My Husband’s Pied-A-Terre’, where the track bursts unexpectedly into life after a beguiling opening. However, the album’s outstanding moment is ‘The Only Boy in Town’, a delightfully poppy number which is good enough to bring The Beach Boys to mind. This surf-influenced track is perhaps the most compelling evidence that Magnetic Fields are at their best when the synths take a back seat.

UK release date: March 5th 2012

Magnetic Fields – Andrew In Drag

Classic album: Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run

Like a fine wine, Born To Run has aged beautifully. The seminal Bruce Springsteen album – a record with such raw, visceral, emotion and beauty that never fails to impact on those who hear it. Bruce described the feeling on Born To Run as one of an endless summer night, where all the different stories were simultaneously occurring. Stories of people struggling to grow up, trying to make it and deal with all the mess that life throws up. A working class hero, Springsteen’s work is never contrived and every song feels like it has been written as if it were his last – a dedication that is only true of very few musicians.

Presented with such outstanding lyricism, it’s easy to overlook the level of song-writing and attention to detail evident on the album. The amount of time slaved over this record is astonishing. Weeks were spent just getting the drum sound right with Bruce pushing the limits of what was sonically possible to capture on record. The cinematic, Phil Spector-esque walls of sound give the album unmatched levels of life and soul.

Born To Run wasn’t a collection of songs that someone knocked up to meet output demands. Few albums have the emotive and evocative qualities that this album inspires. With songs like ‘Thunder Road’, ‘Born To Run’ and ‘Jungleland’, it’s no surprise they call Bruce “The Boss”. With the sad passing of The Big Man last year, the E Street Band has lost a defining past of its sound but with a new album due next month, there’s no stopping the force that is Bruce Springsteen.

Born To Run on Spotify

Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run

Blind date: Vicky and Dan

Vicky, Third year, English and American Studies

What were your expectations for the evening?

Awkward silences followed by a fake emergency phonecall from my housemate calling me home roughly half an hour in

First impressions?

Shockingly pleasant, and good hair

What did you talk about?

Folk music and Star Wars and a lot in between

Best thing about them?

Easy to talk to and not at all creepy – no need for the fake get-away call, thank goodness

What did you eat?

Veggie cottage pie

Any awkwardness?

When I said I was a vegetarian and he ordered the steak and I pretended not to be silently judging him

How did you part ways? (Mouth-to-mouth action/heavy petting/friendly hug?)

He kindly waited with me for a bus, then friendly hug despite him being about 3 times my height

Out of 10? 8

Would you see them again?

He seemed pretty keen for Star Wars in 3D

 

 

Dan, Third year, Politics and International Relations & Fuse FM Station Manager

What were your expectations for the evening?
That I would be hooked up with someone mental

First impressions?
Surprisingly sane, and good looking

What did you talk about?
Films, music, my fears about graduating and how she was too much of a hippy

Best thing about them?
A tie between a great taste in music or how she was girl who actually enjoys Star Wars (very rare indeed)

What did you eat?
Steak & Sweet Potato Chips

Any awkwardness?
Discovering the hard way that you can’t hold a conversation whilst chewing through a steak, cue a couple of awkward pauses

How did you part ways? (Mouth-to-mouth action/heavy petting/friendly hug?)
Friendly hug

Out of 10?
A solid 7

Would you see them again?
Would like to hang out again, yeah

 

 

Dan and Vicky ate at The Deaf Institute, Grosvenor Street, Manchester. Thanks to the guys down at Grosvenor Street for getting involved. To check out their menu, gig listings and have a look at what club nights are coming up visit their website www.thedeafinstitute.co.uk

To sign up for blind date please e mail your name, year of study and course to[email protected] with ‘blind date’ as the subject