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10th February 2013

The flavour of love

Florence Gale on how to have safe and tasty sex this V Day.

The day of love is approaching, but let’s be honest, nothing quite kills the mood like having a lubed up condom in your mouth. The texture and taste can’t be far off from eating a water balloon. However, safe sex does not need to be unsexy sex. There are a wide range of flavours and textures to ensure that your sex is a success this Valentine’s.

I tested the taste-buds of students at University of Manchester to try and establish which condoms are delicious and which trigger the gag reflex. The verdicts on strawberry ranged from ‘burnt plastic’ to ‘calpol,’ banana was a firm favourite, but blueberry was not. Mint was described as ‘refreshing’ by a third year Drama student, while a Psychology student deemed vanilla to be ‘lovely.’

Fortunately, there are many flavoured lubes to accompany your flavoured condoms. Many students I asked had tried the appropriately named passion fruit variety. A second year Politics student described it as smelling and tasting like ‘shampoo,’ whilst another guinea pig said that it had left her boyfriend’s penis with an unwelcome burning sensation – perhaps not the best choice for your evening of romance.

As a responsible journalist, I took it upon myself to investigate vanilla fudge lube, employing my flatmates as test subjects. Each tasted the product and the overall verdict was positive; seven ladies decided that it was a hit (although a brief plastic-like after taste was reported by one), while one gentleman complained that it was a miss, as it was ‘too sweet.’

Deciding that this was simply not enough evidence to go on, I investigated further and roped my disgruntled partner into giving it a go. To cut a long story short, everything became incredibly sticky and a shower was needed. My tip: use flavoured lubes in moderation.

The overall conclusion is that bringing fruity flavours into the bedroom usually leads to a lot of laughter and maybe even shower sex if things go wrong. So I’ll leave you with what one student said to me, “It’s a bit much, but most things taste better than genitalia.”

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