The aristocrats are back

After weeks of anticipation, the ever-popular Made in Chelsea has returned to our screens, bringing with it the tears, drama and awkward silences that we seem to love so much. After last season’s antics and really important political and moral messages (obvs), the question is yet to be answered: will this season live up to the caviar and Moët standards of old?

Even though I wouldn’t say I am MIC’s biggest fan, there’s no denying that it’s fantastic to see the old familiar faces. The whole gang’s there: Rosie ‘Weird Eyes’ Fortescue, weepy Louise, evil Spenny (who, as the villain, should really have the Jaws theme tune playing every time he walks into shot), and the ever-lovable trio of Jaime Laing, Proudlock (he has only one name, like Madonna or Cher, because he’s THAT cool) and my favourite, Francis Boulle. Maybe he’s my favourite because he’s unlucky in love; maybe it’s because he’s ginger and therefore fabulous. However, it’s most likely due to the fact that he’s constantly basking in the beautiful prisms of his diamond empire, and subsequently always as happy as Larry! Whichever way, we love him.

Season 6 looks to be promising us even more treats, as we are continuously introduced to more characters. So far we’ve met Louise’s brother Sam (who is probably 17 but definitely a stone cold fox), a man called Miffy (proving that unequivocal ‘poshness’ is fully equipped to break gender barriers) and a gentleman named Freddie, who actually seems pretty insignificant… Who knows, maybe his daddy runs Channel 4. And of course, to everyone’s delight, we’ve been gifted another reality TV villain in the shape of Stephanie Pratt! Huzzah, an American! How culturally diverse and on-trend.

We should expect even more furore around the revelation that Louise famously spent the night with One Direction’s Niall Horan. Yes, Niall. Not the lovable curly-haired Harry Styles of your dreams, but Niall, the 13-year-old Irish one who I’m not sure has even hit puberty yet. Anyway, apparently poor old weepy Louise has been misbehaving again, this time after Ascot. The cheek of it! Clearly the horses, sexy Italian midgets and Champagne left her feeling a bit fruity, prompting wimpy-turned-rugged boyfriend Andy to call it a day. One can only guess what this new situation will bring… More tears, perhaps?

It looks as though Louise will be helped out in that department, though, as the first episode also saw Ice Queen Lucy shed a tear after she TOO was swindled by evil Spencer. Maybe these two should just stop their fighting and join forces to create a scorned woman’s club, where they can go shopping and bitch together. If Sex and The City has taught us anything, this is what women do. Or they could read some feminist literature and realise that their happiness shouldn’t revolve around men… but hey, each to their own. Anywho, a highlight for me so far has been a quote by Mark-Francis – a man so posh it sounds like he constantly has six plums in his mouth – saying to Binky Felstead whilst in a rocking rowing boat: “You capsize this boat, I capsize your world.” Powerful stuff, M-F. Keep it coming.

A bunch of other stuff has gone on, but nothing of any real importance, apart from a cameo from Axl Rose – oops, sorry, I mean Phoebe Lettice – who was clearly vybzing off memories from her gap yah. I mean, cane rows on a white girl is totes a great look, yah.

All in all this season promises more of the same: quite a lot of things happening while nothing really happens at all. However, we can guarantee that there will be lots of Bloody Marys and love triangles (sometimes at the same time), helping to give us an insight into the dog-eat-dog world that is the Kings Road.  So thanks, Made in Chelsea: even though it’s impossible not to hate you a little bit, you also seem to have a hold on us that makes it impossible to turn you off. All I can say is, bring on Monday nights.