Tell Tanya…
By Lily Howes
Lonely boy
Tanya,
I’m currently in halls and in a flat with 4 other boys. We’ve been a bit lazy in sorting out a house for next year but are finally getting round to looking. Problem is, there is one boy that I really, really do not want to live with. The other boys feel the same but they’re not likely to be the ones to say anything. I don’t think this lad has got any other options but to be honest I don’t care, living with him for the last 6 months has been hell and I don’t want another year of it. How do I tell him?
– Rick_rulez, Withington
Well Rick you’ve got yourself a bit of a conundrum there and one that many students face year upon year! What are the particular reasons for you not wanting to live with him? Because you’ll need these to back up your point. If it’s because he’s messy or lazy, have a good justification – “I just don’t like you” gets a bit too personal and immature. It’ll be better to just speak to him one on one, otherwise it might be pretty intimidating. Be straight with him, Rick, don’t beat around the bush but be sensitive. Balance is key! After the deed has been done give the poor boy some space and then maybe buy him a consolatory pint. It’s not going to be pretty but it’s got to be done especially if he’s as bad as you’ve said. Good luck!
T x
A picturesque parting
Hi Tanya,
Last semester I was sleeping with a boy off my course, it was pretty casual and fun while it lasted but we both knew it was short term and in the end it just sort of phased out. However, during this “fling” we frequently exchanged ‘sexts’ that got a bit racy and I ended up sending him some nude pictures of myself. I’m worried that he’s now going to freely show them to his friends, or even worse, send them round. If I ask him to delete them will that just make it worse? I’ll be mortified if other people see them! Is there anything I can do?
Embarrassed in Fallowfield
Right well, as silly as it was for you to send pictures of this sort to somebody that you clearly didn’t trust too well there’s no point dwelling on the past. My advice would be to send a casual text to this guy simply saying you’d appreciate it if he could delete the pictures you sent him and keep them to himself. Be breezy, keep the exclamation marks and pleading to a minimum. But then I’m afraid it’s out of your hands. If these pictures do emerge there’s not a whole lot you can do except try to ignore any backlash from it. Fingers crossed it won’t come to that!
T x
Crossing boundaries…
Tanya I need your help! Me and my housemates went out to celebrate the end of exams and needless to say we drank a lot and I mean a lot. Heavy pre drinking and eight shots of Sambuca later…my memory is vague. Next thing I know I wake up stark bollock naked with a banging headache and roll over to find my housemate, and one of my closest friends, next to me. Still not completely sober and absolutely panicked, I legged it and made myself scarce for the rest of the day. Since then we’ve skirted around each other and avoided the subject entirely. I have no idea what happened that night, I’ve never really been attracted to her before I mean she is attractive but what does this mean? Who made a move on who? And what the hell do I do now?!
Troubled and traumatized in Rusholme
I’m not surprised that you’re troubled my dear! Now I’m afraid that I can’t answer any of your questions about what happened that evening but regardless of what happened or who initiated it what you need to focus on now is what you’re going to do. You’re at risk of letting a good friendship go down the drain if you don’t do something quick. No matter how terrifying it might be you need to sit down with your housemate and talk, put the event behind you and make sure you’re on the same page. Sort it out and quickly because it doesn’t sound like a comfortable living environment for you or anybody else.
T x
Experimenting or humiliating?
Dear Tanya,
I’ve never done anything particularly adventurous in the bedroom, but lately I find myself becoming more and more curious about something which I never dreamed I would want to do before: urinating during sex. I am far too nervous to bring the subject up with my girlfriend, but but have recently been fantasizing about urinating on her. I would also be happy for her to urinate on me, but mainly want to try me on her. How can I tell if it’s the kind of thing she might be willing to do without the risk of being humiliated?
New-adventurer-92, Fallowfield
Experimenting sexually when you’re in a relationship can be a really good thing and can often refresh things when they become a bit mundane. What you’re suggesting isn’t actually as uncommon as you might first think, a lot people refer to this act as ‘golden shower’. However, it’s not for everybody and you need to make sure that it is something that your girlfriend is willing to try. Whatever you do, do not surprise her make sure it’s something that you discuss beforehand. Don’t put her under any pressure but if it is something she’s up for trying perhaps do it in the shower or bath the first time? This might make things less awkward and easier to clean up! If, however, she’s not up for it then there’s plenty more you can try.
T x