#foreveralone (and okay with it?)

Why is it that so many young people have serious issues with doing things on their own?

We’re relentlessly being told as a generation that we’re too dependent on technology.  The teens and tweens of the era are glued to our phones; we’re constantly refreshing our newsfeed/timeline/Instagram feed, we’re apparently at risk of developing ‘digital dementia’ and we’ve been rendered incapable of holding meaningful conversations (drunken DMCs not included). Whilst this dependence is undoubtedly worrying, what I actually find worrying is the youth of today’s dependence on each other.

I am totally fine with doing things by myself; as self-consumed as it may sound, I like being on my own.  I can manage to do my weekly shop housemate-less, happily walk around the park with just my iPod and am able to brave sitting by myself in a lecture (usually to mine and others’ benefit). I have days where I don’t plan what I’m doing: wander, explore, find a little coffee shop, read for an hour, and wander some more. Going to art exhibitions with other people stresses me out, and I can’t shop to my heart’s content when someone else is trying to drag me into a store I have no interest in entering. Long train journeys are definitely only enjoyable when I’m in my own company, and yes, I probably would go to a gig on my own if no one else wanted to go. This is the hopeless romantic, head-in-the-clouds part of me talking – obviously I’m aware that not everyone wants to spend their average Sunday gazing admirably at Grayson Perry’s tapestries – but it seems few young people fly solo. Despite being independent students, it seems that many of us have real issues with doing things by themselves.

Second-year student Rosie* openly admits that she has dependency issues at university, much more so than she does at home. She says: “I only feel satisfied with my student life if I’m surrounded by friends. When I came to Manchester, I felt so lonely, that until I made close friendships I seriously considered dropping out. Now, I’ve developed a fear that when I am on my own, those feelings of isolation and depression will return. You will never catch me on a bus on my lonesome, and I will definitely never, ever even contemplate taking a solitary trip to Sainsbury’s. I know loads of people who are the same; I think that for students, popularity is a dominant sign of just how happy your student life is”. But on the other hand, fresher Mark* believes that the move to uni has made him more independent than ever. “I’m not afraid to go anywhere alone in Manchester, which is a stark contrast to how I was at home and sixth form, when I wouldn’t dream of wandering around without a crowd of mates. Now, I love going to explore the city in solitude, and I even go to football matches alone. Coming to university has definitely made me realise how comfortable I am in myself”.

Our generation is also increasingly succumbing to losing themselves in the relationship trap. The O.C. star Olivia Wilde said in an interview after her pending divorce: “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” The fact that over half of Tumblr users believe this quote was said by Oscar Wilde suggests its profundity (or maybe ‘digital dementia’ generation’s gullibility) but snaps for Olivia, I wholly agree. We all have friends that we’ve lost, sometimes temporarily, other times permanently, to a relationship. They become totally dependent on this one individual, revolve everything around them and completely forget how they coped previously. The romantic in me smiles for them, happy that they’ve found happiness. But the realist me is wary: as cut throat as it sounds, you are the only person you can really trust.

Everyone is needy sometimes. I’m not suggesting we should distance ourselves from our friends and relationships. I simply believe that young people should learn to accept being alone every so often and find respite in their own company. You’re more likely to be sure of whom you are and what you want when you’re not constantly influenced by other people. Remember, as one wise woman of the 21st century (aka Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones) once said, the longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so that is ultimately the one you should work on.