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24th February 2016

What does your piercing say about you?

Because let’s face it, every piercing tells a story

Nowadays, adorning one’s body with the likes of ink patterns or permanent jewellery is arguably the norm. Tattoos, although not completely accepted have become less taboo than their previous tramp stamp reputation. But their less permanent form of piercings, in particular, have become more popular than ever. You can now get near anywhere pierced, but the question is what does your piercing say about you?

Possibly the most promiscuous of piercings not involving your genitals, the tongue piercing is definitely a sign that you’re still in the free and forgiving world of education and not in the big bad uniform world of serious employment. Careful though, although you may be proud of your new accessory, there’s nothing more grating than the sound of someone running that titanium bar over their teeth.

Let’s be honest, earlobe piercings (whether you have one or three) are pretty vanilla. You probably got them done for free at Claire’s when you were 15 to rebel against your piercing-hating mother. On guys they can have a certain hipster vibe (provided only one ear has been pierced), having both pierced, however, can be a little flamboyant.

The classic adornment for any well-travelled individual, the nose piercing screams “I’ve been places”. What the wearer won’t tell you, however, is what an awful idea it was to get said piercing in a dingy parlour somewhere downtown in Mexico, Bangkok, or Rio de Janeiro.

Positioning here is key. Don’t be foolish enough to believe that there isn’t a vast difference from one to another.

Upper lip
Let’s face it, this piercing does NOT resemble a beauty spot in any way shape or form. Sugababes’ Muyta Buena gave it a good try, but that was an era ago now. It’s well and truly, time to accept that you are not successfully channelling the likes of cake queen Marie Antoinette, instead, you just look like you’ve got something stuck on your face.

Central, below the lip
A little more emo than the upper lip and slightly more discrete at that, a central piercing is rather inoffensive in all honesty. However, you’re only asking for trouble when combining it with a tongue piercing—expect to be, quite literally, lip-locked.

Bottom lip, to the side
It’s like a performance of ‘The Cha-Cha Slide’, to the left or to the right, there’s no world in which this piercing is a good idea. Unless you’re a body modification enthusiast on a mission to embellish each and every inch of skin, then this is undoubtedly one to avoid or rapidly remove if you’ve already made this fatal error.

Only the super edgy can pull this wonder off. There is a high risk of air-de-chav here so you’ve really got to look the part if you don’t want to end up resembling Little Britain’s chavette, Vicky. To truly rock this accessory, you’ll need to adopt a hardcore persona to boot. Don’t expect your mother to be won over easily with this one.

A staple piercing for just about every hip Fallowfielder, this piercing suggests you’re a little on the edgy side, but not overly so.

Belly button
A little reminiscent of the 90s perhaps, the belly button piercing is a teen favourite. Adding a little bling to your belly may even draw attention away from rather unloved love handles. This adornment is commonly associated with a certain level of air-headedness—think Britney Spears wannabe.

The tongue’s least overtly promiscuous cousin, the nipple piercing is for dark horses everywhere. There’s much debate over whether it looks better on those with smaller or larger breasts, but this is one of the few piercings that can be pulled off by male or female alike.

Photo: cloudlbep@Flickr

Prince Albert
For those curious to the whereabouts of this particular piercing, I strongly advise against searching it whilst in the library, or in any public domain for that matter. A considerably painful looking piercing, it’s one that definitely begs the question: Does this give you more pleasure than pain?!

#TheOnlyWayIsEssexToTheExtreme. This piercing has now been deemed illegal according to the World Health Organisation. If you already have one then you’re without a doubt a gambler; below the belt at least.

A complete lack of piercings raises the question of how you managed to shun this trend that has swept not only Manchester’s, but the nation’s youths in recent years. Perhaps you deserve a round of applause for your resistance against the masses. Perhaps you quite simply have an intense phobia of needles. Either way we’re sure you’ll end up middle-aged with a cheeky nipple piercing you got on your hen or stag party.

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