Agony Aunt Angela: Naked and a nuisance

“Every night I can hear my flatmate having sex and the bed bangs against the wall so I cannot sleep. 

I have asked him multiple times to keep it down but he doesn’t listen. I can’t sleep until he’s finished (which doesn’t take long to be fair) but I am always exhausted and am considering asking for special consideration for my exams. 

Should I talk to him about it or talk to Reslife privately?”

I’m sorry to say this, but I did have a giggle reading this. But men shagging loudly does seem to be an issue that’s on the rise. At this rate, there should be a watchdog investigation on the issue. 

There are many avenues you can take here, with varying levels of dignity and maturity (or lack thereof). If one of three tactics fails, try the next one!

Tactic one: Play him at his own game. This can be with or without a partner, it really doesn’t matter. When he starts making noises, do the same… but much MUCH louder. Jump on the floors, blast porn through the speakers, scream if you gotta. Hey, why not get the whole flat involved for some cheeky flat bonding. He’ll get the message soon enough. 

Is it the adult mature option? No. Am I bothered? Also no. If you wanna go the extra mile, play animal sounds. Nothing turns someone off like a Beluga Whale screaming outside your bedroom door. Be creative here, there’s no such thing as too far. 

Although, if it’s late at night, your neighbours may not appreciate the sound of an orgy next door – which is understandable. Tactic two is talking to them (ew). You can be nice, or you can be blunt, you’ve just got to get the job done. By the sounds of it, you’ve tried, so the blunt route may be your best option. 

Don’t try to dress it up. Just say how you feel. They may feel embarrassed but at this rate, these are desperate times. It’s not too much to ask that you don’t wanna hear your mate going balls deep every time they have a ‘friend’ over. Suggest moving the bed (or whatever furniture they use) away from the wall, or even shagging when no one’s home! It’s basic sex 101.

The third tactic is what you suggested: Talking to Reslife/ your landlord. This can be awkward, so maybe do it over email or text. Outline the issue plainly and say how badly it’s affecting you. It’s your home too, and at the end of the day, it’s compromising your sleep, education and wellbeing. Once you’ve sent that email, it’s no longer a you issue, but a them issue. 

If all else fails, buy a klaxon. Every time the noise arises, open the door and blast. 

Need some advice? Send in your mishaps and worries here!