Content warning: This article covers sensitive topics, including references to sexual violence, sexism, and explicit sexual references. Reader discretion is advised.
Over the past few years, it has emerged that a growing number of students are gravitating towards sex work as financial support becomes increasingly dire. Research by the University of Swansea suggests that one in 20 students do sex work. The English Collective of Prostitutes say it’s one in five.
The first question The Mancunion asked Jane (name changed to protect her identity) was simple: How would you describe your work?
Jane was blunt in her assessment. “Some people would call it sugar dating” she said, “But I personally would just describe it as being a prostitute.”
‘Sugar dating’, she explained, is getting paid a salary for dating someone. It was too hard to find someone that she trusted enough, and whose company she enjoyed enough, to risk it.
Instead, Jane would have “meets”: connecting with men through a third-party website, messaging there, then switching to WhatsApp to arrange a time and place to see one another. In person, her appointments could last from less than an hour to a full night. She described how “with some people, I go to the hotel, we fuck and then that’s it.”
If she did spend the night, it was always at a hotel or at their place: “I never accommodate.” “And there are people who ask, ‘Can I come to your house?’ I’m like, ‘No!’”
It’s one of the few safety precautions she had in place. She always ordered her Uber (never to her address) and often insisted on STD testing. When asked if she used protection, she said “Sometimes. Sometimes not, because of the money. They pay more if you don’t.”
It made the STD tests a necessity, for herself as well as the clients. She told us “This may come across as surprising, but they are always like ‘Oh, I want you to be comfortable.’”
The safeguarding was mostly filtering out “weird” requests and being selective with men when they first approached her through the third-party website. “I feel like I’m quite picky and selective with who I meet. I always make sure we agree on everything, and they’re fine with everything. I say: I’m not going to do this, I don’t have this kink, don’t do this to me. And most of the time they say, ‘Okay, I respect that.’”
The issue she ran into most often, was overenthusiasm for kinks. She told us that many times she had been surprised by the willingness of potential clients to open up about unconventional sexual desires.
“Maybe it’s not that surprising here [in the UK]: a lot of people here have piss kinks. Like they would always be like ‘Um can I piss in your mouth?’ Am I gonna swallow your piss? Man, I don’t think I’ll eat for days if I have to swallow your piss.”
She later elaborated on why they chose to come to her for these desires saying “I guess it’s hard to bring it up. And with this, it’s a total stranger. I’m paying you, I know I will pay you. It’s fine to be straightforward. I might not see you ever again in my life. I walk on the streets, I wouldn’t even recognize you.”
For these men, a sex worker presents an opportunity to act, as they see it, outside the bounds of their everyday lives – a freedom that goes so far as to include infidelity.
Jane explains: “A lot of them, they’re married, and they do tell me. And obviously I feel bad right? I hate cheaters. But I’ve asked them, every time I meet them, if I meet someone who has a wife, I always be like ‘So why do you do this?’ And their answers are always they either don’t have sex anymore after kids; after kids they don’t find their wife attractive anymore; in bed they’re just not satisfied.”
The only bright side, to Jane, is that they don’t confide in her about their private lives. They are often looking for “drama free” girls. “Thankfully! I wouldn’t know what to say. I mean the most they have done is ask me ‘What should I get for my wife’s birthday or what should I get for their anniversary.’”
Reflecting, she seemed lost: “I always go for the same answer: Lego flowers because I like Lego flowers too.”
When questioned if she’s ever reached out to a wife or girlfriend, Jane admits she’s never considered it. “If I reached out, if she doesn’t believe me, he has all the power to sue me. He has all the power to do something to me. You have to remember these people are wealthy businessmen, some of them well-known.”
Despite everything, Jane’s overall opinion on the clients’ treatment of her was neutral. It was “quite rare” that they would disrespect her wishes: “They still care. I think to a certain extent, they care. At least they see me as a person. Not like a sex toy or a sex object. At least, I think.”
For Jane, it was enough that her clients would keep up small talk, watch movies, or play video games; even asking about what she was doing, or where she was traveling. She said “Sometimes it feels like we’re friends in some ways. […] Obviously, when we’re having sex, I’m like ‘okay I’m an escort now’, but sometimes I don’t feel [it] as much.”
Nevertheless, later in our interview, she described at least some of her experiences as “trauma”. When pressed, she elaborated, saying “Not super traumatic. Let’s say I’ve been to this restaurant with a guy, I would tend to try and avoid it. That kind of thing.”
She added: “Yes, I would say [it’s a] bad memory. Not because they’re mean to me or anything, but because sometimes I would think ‘I wish I was doing this with a guy who I like instead.’”
It’s a recurring theme during the interview: the effect this work has had on her personal life, her view of sex, and her relationships.
No matter how much like “work friends” the relationship between her and clients might have felt, it always came back to business. As Jane explains it, it takes more out of a person than any ‘ordinary’ day job. “Sometimes, I come back from work, and I need a couple of hours to be like, okay, I need to come back to my life. This is fine, this is what I do. I do this for money. I have to keep telling myself that.”
Her relationship with sex in her casual life has changed. It’s no longer something that appeals to her, not necessarily due to the frequency, or emotional meaninglessness of the interactions, but because of its commercialisation.
“I remember, I slept with one of my course mates, not because I’m attracted to him, but because I felt the need to be normal. Because I was constantly having sex because of money. I was getting paid. And then this guy appears and I’m like, maybe I should just feel normal for once. And did I feel normal? Maybe to a certain extent, but it didn’t change much.”
More than just a lack of feeling towards sex, she now views relationships with men through the lens of what she’s experienced. According to Jane, it’s hard to look at men and not see the possibility of cheating or lying.
“I see all these men and they’re capable of doing this, capable of paying someone for sex. I always think, is my future boyfriend or is my future husband going to do the same?”
From what she’s seen, she’s sure there’s a distinct difference between men and women. “If I were in a relationship, and if you were to ask me, ‘What if the guy you’re dating is waiting to marry?’, I’d just be like, ‘Okay!’ […] Love is enough for me, isn’t it? Love should be enough for everyone. If he wants to wait for marriage, okay! I’ll wait! Or if I don’t marry him, then I don’t get it. It’s just fine with me. I’m not gonna go out there,” (as a man might) “and be like: ‘Oh my boyfriend’s waiting for marriage. I need sex right now! Give it to me!'”
It’s a bleak outlook.
On the difference between her lives outside and inside of her work, Jane explained that there had to be a divide between her life as a student and the identity she took on with clients: “I feel like if you want to do this work, you have to totally separate your real life, your person, who I am, versus this job. It’s two totally different things. This is work-life balance to a whole other level.”
When asked if she thought anyone could do it without consequence, she said simply “If your heart is made of stone, maybe.”
And yet, as a student, there are certain realities that make this kind of sex work appealing. The first, for Jane, was the control it offered. At a day job, you don’t get the opportunity to not go in if you’re not in the mood; in contrast, Jane said, it was easy to just not show up for her clients. Her availability was decided by her, and she could pick and chose when and where to meet someone. There could also be an emotional draw, she admitted, for people looking for validation.
At the end of the day, it’s about money. As Jane put it, “You want to survive.” According to her description, such immediate profit could become a knee-jerk crutch after any spending. “It’s not that I don’t have money anymore,” She clarified, “I still have a lot of money, but it’s just that psychological thing. I’m gonna think ‘Oh my god, let me text everyone now, I need money.’”
It is, perhaps, a more pessimistic approach, than one put forward in a similar interview with Lancaster University’s ‘Student Comment and News’ (SCAN). When asked by SCAN about his work, the interviewee compared it to care or social work: providing a service through emotional labour.
Asked about this perspective, Jane was adamant: “In the providing aspect, maybe it’s about the same, but no. […] I don’t agree with it, because if I were to do care work, I would be happy, wouldn’t I? […] My heart is there with [the residents]. [With sex work] yes, I might be providing emotional support for whatever’s going on wrong in their lives. I might be providing physical support, as in his dick is in me, but I’m not going to walk away thinking that, am I? I’m going to just walk away thinking I earned money today. That’s the only positive aspect of it.”
Finally, The Mancunion asked if Jane had any advice for students considering her line of work:
“Don’t be greedy and don’t be gullible. Be very wary. Always put yourself first. There will always be a solution somewhere. I always say I love money. I would marry money if I could. But money can’t buy you happiness. I feel like you have to learn that. If you’re doing this just because you want that extra money to travel or something, don’t. Your life is long. Be happy.”
If you are a student doing sex work, or have been affected by related issues in this article, help and support are available at:
You can also contact the 24-hour mental health helpline at 0800 953 0285. Or SHOUT 85258, a 24/7 text message service.
