Bizarre Sports #7 – The Eton Wall Game

As the most prominent of the elite public schools, Eton is renowned for its many sporting curiosities – Eton Fives, for example, has been played almost exclusively at the college since the 18^th century. There are none quite as eccentric, however, as The Eton Wall Game – an age-old football/rugby cross that appears to exist solely in the name of time-honoured tradition.

The game is believed to have been played since the early 1700s, and centres on the formation of a rugby-style ruck, known as a ’bully’ against ‘The Wall’, a three-hundred year-old structure that runs alongside the school playing fields. Using their knees and feet, players try to force the ball towards the opposition ‘calx’, where they may attempt to score a ‘shy’ without ‘knuckling’, ‘furking’ or ‘sneaking’ in the process.  Confused? You’re not the only one.

If the description so far leaves you imagining some wonderfully-idiosyncratic Eton oddity, then prepare to be horribly disappointed. By all admissions, The Wall Game is rubbish. Eton themselves admit that ‘few sports offer less to the spectator…goals are very uncommon’. ‘Uncommon’ is probably a bit optimistic – the last goal was scored back in 1909. Even Hartlepool United fans haven’t had to wait that long.

Still, the College continues to host the annual St. Andrew’s Day fixture, in which the ‘Collegers’ (the scholars) take on the ‘Oppidans’ (that’s the fee-payers, to you and me). Recent fixtures have, admittedly, been more than a little dull, with the majority finishing scoreless. Prince Harry did record a one-point shy in 2002, although that might have been because he was the only one able to understand the rules.

Other famous participants in the fixture include ex-Prime Minister Harold MacMillan, George Orwell and, incredibly, Boris Johnson. Young Boris must have displayed some ‘bullying’ prowess, as he was in fact ‘Keeper of the College Wall’ (team captain) during his time at Eton. If only The Wall Game was an Olympic sport – the idea of Boris Johnson as an Olympic athlete is perhaps just too good to be true.