Gazza – Geordie Boys
Showcasing Gazza in all his good-time glory, this track is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. With the help of a couple of Geordie cronies, he manages to present Tyneside pride through what is less of a music video and more of a gay chatline advert. Haway the lads!
New Order feat. John Barnes – World In Motion
Unfortunately for John Barnes, he’ll be remembered more for a 20 second cameo than a 20 year career. However, his ability to ‘spray bar’ did seem help England to reach the semis at Italia ’90. If you are left wanting more then check out the ‘Subbuteo Mix’ by Park and Pickering.
Kevin Keegan – Head Over Heels In Love
One of the more daring ventures on this list, Keegan’s individual crooning style was certainly a big hit with the ladies. It peaked at number 31 in the charts but to be fair to the guy, he’s just as good at singing as he is at managing a national football team.
Boli & Waddle – We’ve Got a Feeling
The only thing worse than this song is the video – a horrific 80s hash of various bits of clip art, including lips, zebras, umbrellas and the Houses of Parliament. Waddle’s attempt at a French accent makes Joey Barton sound like Marie Antoinette. Four minutes of your life that you’ll never get back.
Alan & Denise – Rummenigge
My personal favourite on the list is this tribute to West Germany’s Karl Heinz Rummenigge and his “sexy knees”. The dynamic duo of Alan & Denise manage, somehow, to produce a sound that sits somewhere between T-Rex and The Wurzels. You’ll be chanting “Rummenigge” all night long.