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22nd February 2014

Tell me what’s your flavour

Romance is a risky business. Let’s stop seeking gratification in sex, says Rowena Cox-Willmott, and give some love to snacks instead

So, it’s been and gone again: that glorious time of year when perfectly happy singletons are made to feel like Miss Havisham, and couples are forced to prove their love for each other by buying naff balloons or − God forbid − sitting through ANOTHER Anne Hathaway vom-com. There is nothing to miss about Valentine’s Day. From the incessant TV ads filled with gooey eyed love-munchkins, to finding yourself queuing in Primark to buy a fluffy pink thong (#solidinvestment), everyone should be glad to see the back  of it.

In an attempt to make everyone’s next Valentine’s Day less stressful (couples included), here’s my two cents on how to invest in something you can rely on and avoid romantic disappointment. When Cupid brandished his bow this year, I decided to point him in the direction of Gary Lineker. Not because him and his sexy ears tickle my pickle but because he also holds the key to my heart: crisps. Much like my intellectual counterpart Russell Brand, I am an addict. However, my favoured rock is rock salt. My name is Rowena, and I am a crispaholic.

Crisps are flawless and divine in every single way. They’re diverse, nutritious (definitely one of your five-a-day) and perfect for bringing people together, as your hands tentatively touch as you reach for the bowl… Being such a fanatic, I regularly encounter the impossible question, “What’s your favourite flavour?” This is basically like Sophie’s Choice. Stop asking me. I can’t choose. I won’t choose.

So next year guys, my advice to everyone is to chill out about Valentine’s Day, whack on ‘Kiss from a Rose’, and instead have some quality time with that salty potato you’ve been eyeing up for a while.

My top five recommendations for Valentine’s Day (or any other day for that matter):

  1. Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar Kettle Chips. To add a bit of class to the occasion go for this classic. Salty, sexy and not too overpowering in the breath department. An aphrodisiac if there ever was one.
  2. Quavers. A fitness fave for all the babes out there, at only 88 calories you can have another pack!
  3. Frazzles. For anyone who considers themselves a bit trendy, these are the perfect Hipster crisp. Totally vintage. Totally delish.
  4. Pickled Onion Monster Munch. Not for the faint-hearted or those in a relationship (v. pungent) but these bad boys are guaranteed to spice up a night alone and go fantastically with a side of Bobby Pickett’s ‘Monster Mash’.
  5. The Multi-Pack. Any flavour will do. This is the party choice for the greedy go-getter. Much like any sexy experience, whether it’s a party for 1 or for 8, you’ll come out with a smile on your face.

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