So, it’s been and gone again: that glorious time of year when perfectly happy singletons are made to feel like Miss Havisham, and couples are forced to prove their love for each other by buying naff balloons or − God forbid − sitting through ANOTHER Anne Hathaway vom-com. There is nothing to miss about Valentine’s Day. From the incessant TV ads filled with gooey eyed love-munchkins, to finding yourself queuing in Primark to buy a fluffy pink thong (#solidinvestment), everyone should be glad to see the back of it.
In an attempt to make everyone’s next Valentine’s Day less stressful (couples included), here’s my two cents on how to invest in something you can rely on and avoid romantic disappointment. When Cupid brandished his bow this year, I decided to point him in the direction of Gary Lineker. Not because him and his sexy ears tickle my pickle but because he also holds the key to my heart: crisps. Much like my intellectual counterpart Russell Brand, I am an addict. However, my favoured rock is rock salt. My name is Rowena, and I am a crispaholic.
Crisps are flawless and divine in every single way. They’re diverse, nutritious (definitely one of your five-a-day) and perfect for bringing people together, as your hands tentatively touch as you reach for the bowl… Being such a fanatic, I regularly encounter the impossible question, “What’s your favourite flavour?” This is basically like Sophie’s Choice. Stop asking me. I can’t choose. I won’t choose.
So next year guys, my advice to everyone is to chill out about Valentine’s Day, whack on ‘Kiss from a Rose’, and instead have some quality time with that salty potato you’ve been eyeing up for a while.
My top five recommendations for Valentine’s Day (or any other day for that matter):