By Ella Searle
Sex. An act that is continually riddled with significance and social rule. The discussion surrounding sex is never straightforward or conclusive. In 2019, it begs the question of why both sex itself, and an open discussion of preferences, continues to be latent with taboo.
On the surface, University may appear to be a sexually liberating environment, where many experiment and find their sexuality due to heightened and newfound freedoms. Yet, just because sex may be plentiful and casual, it does not mean that it is free from stigma and injustice. Young people have sex more frequently and openly. This makes it more alarming that our culture still deeply embeds inequality and shame in sex and relationships. Sex may be more freely available, but it is certainly not free from convention and toxic tradition.
This is where Oloni, award-winning sex and relationship blogger of Simply Oloni, comes into play. She has been critically acclaimed for the content of ‘Ask Oloni’ and her ‘Laidbare Podcast’. Dami Olonisakin’s no-nonsense style is a breath of fresh air which helps navigate the challenging landscape of modern millennial dating culture.
With her message aimed toward the sex-positive and opinionated, Oloni challenges the negative stigma surrounding an open discussion of sex and relationships. She does this in order to highlight negative double standards and shame rooted within sexual convention. Oloni’s message and direct approach are popular, evident through her mass engagement with over 90,000 twitter followers. She regularly interacts with them, initiating animated threads asking for confessions and experiences concerning a variety of topics. These range from STDs to cheating, and dating experiences.
Yet, where Oloni is truly leading conversation is with her influence to push the boundaries of conversation beyond ‘vanilla’ and conventional topics. Instead, she aims to stimulate positive discussion to typically more risqué ideas such as sugar daddies, self-confessed ‘Hoe Stories’, and sex tapes to explore how sex too can be fun no matter what your sexuality or preference. Her sex-positive momentum aims to ensure that everyone can enjoy a more honest and open sexual landscape. This will ultimately lead to a greater acceptance of one’s self.
In true Oloni style, there is nothing concerning consensual sex that is off-limits from discussion. Instead, she deliberates on more ‘unorthodox’ topics at length, laying them out in their entirety. However, as with anything that runs against the norm, Oloni’s celebration of female sexuality and pleasure often causes outcry online. Yet, almost proving her point entirely, most of the backlash from Internet trolls is predominantly rooted in harmful slut-shaming rhetoric and patriarchal tendencies. The typically male angst surrounding Oloni’s positivity instead exposes the persisting shame associated with sexuality, which Oloni continues to highlight.
As part of the University’s Sexpression Sex Week, Oloni took a much-anticipated trip up to Manchester to give an empowering and sold-out talk. Oloni’s personal energy and amazing sense of humour united a room of diverse strangers in an inclusive and positive discussion. Her ability to stimulate such a buzz of engagement over typically ‘awkward’ and mystified topics was refreshing. She spoke about female orgasms, open relationships, female masturbation, and ‘body count’.
Oloni is continually open to difference and inclusivity. From the very outset, she captured the audience to reflect upon and share instances of their own sexual experiences. These ranged from sexual partners to cheating, to encourage individuals to break the shared systematic shame one may have internalised throughout social and cultural tradition.
On reflection, it is alarming how there are minimal outputs of similar sexual conversation in our typically conservative society. We live in an undeniably hyper-sexualised society where sex does sell. Yet, why is the element of enjoyment and pleasure still exempt from an honest and everyday conversation of sex? The perceived shame and taboo in openly discussing sex, despite being labelled the ‘hook-up generation’, is an unproductive contradiction. Oloni’s educated, empowering, and direct message is both attractive and necessary to combat these stigmas.
Oloni’s voice is a true inspiration for all, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Her animated discussion shows how there is nothing sexier or productive than ‘laying it bare’. Breaking down boundaries of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ helps us to learn to come to terms with individual sexuality. Oloni will continue to ruffle the feathers of the more conservative and repressive, yet she pushes only a positive message of inclusivity and acceptance. She is a beacon of hope in an ever-confusing millennial landscape.
Follow Oloni on twitter @Oloni or at simplyoloni.com
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