For the January issue of Attitude, Lorraine Kelly has appeared on the front of the magazine in a drag alter-ego Morning Gloria.
If you don’t know who Lorraine is, you’re probably doing a STEM degree where you can’t waste away your mornings watching daytime TV. For the rest of us, Lorraine is a perky Glaswegian who brightens up the morning with a selection of segments aimed at the middle-aged woman. Delightful.
What’s interesting is that this isn’t the only alter-ego that Lorraine has come out with this year. Lorraine has also an appeal against HMRC for £1.2m (!!!!) by claiming that she is a “theatrical artist” and that the woman we see on tv is a performance of a “friendly, chatty and fun personality”.
Now I know what you’re thinking, that’s balls- she’s just avoiding a massive tax bill. Which I would have agreed with if I hadn’t seen Lorraine call out an unsuspecting Jennifer Arcuri.
So here’s how it went down. Lorraine Kelly (the person), like the rest of us, is sick of Jennifer Arcuri not really saying anything. She then perks up by saying “anyway”- a sign that Lorraine (the person) has transformed in Lorraine (the performer). Unsurprisingly, Pierres stirs a bit by getting an unsuspecting Jennifer to react to Lorraine. Lorraine (the performer, but slipping into Lorraine, the person) asks “What’s the point of you coming on and then not saying anything?”. Jennifer, shocked by a Scottish accent and being called out, responds with a quickly souring face and a bewildering “I’m sorry?”. Lorraine then fully switches to Lorraine (the person) and clarifies her question in a TOTALLY new accent. After knocking Arcuri down a few pegs, Lorraine returns to daytime TV personality Lorraine by, once again, saying the transformative “anyway”. And, if that’s not a demonstration to HMRC that she’s a performance artist, I don’t know what is.
Verdict: I can’t justify saying a tax avoidance scheme is art (pay your tax Lorraine), so it’s a no. But I am impressed with the multitudes that lie behind the nation’s daytime TV sweetheart. All I have to say is: will the real Lorraine Kelly please stand up?