“Okay so, I have this guy friend … and I kind of like him. I’m not sure whether I just like the attention or whether I actually like him. He really likes me, so we agreed to go our separate ways because I didn’t think it was fair on him if I didn’t feel the same way. We also have different priorities. It’s been a month and I really miss him. I think about him every day. Would it be wrong to go back to him knowing how it feels and that it would never work?”
My method of determining if I like some is to ask myself two questions: Could I date them? Could I sleep with them? This is pretty effective, especially when you’re sat opposite them on a first date. If the answer is no to both, especially if the idea of either makes you feel a bit sick, then you definitely don’t like them.
However, if you’re thinking about him every day and missing him … yeah, no you have a fat crush on him luv. The thing is, I don’t think you have an issue about whether you like him. Instead, I think you have a fear of commitment, particularly if you’re already aware that you have different priorities. Now I don’t mean that in the sense that you can’t keep a man down for a week, but rather you’re second-guessing your possible relationship with him because you don’t want it to go wrong. You guys jumped the gun by separating without really exploring what your relationship would look like.
I had the same situation as you where a guy friend became close – that’s how most of my relationships start. We’ve been dating now for four months and it’s one of the healthiest relationships I’ve been in. I put that down to being friends first, but also being open with each other. We’re aware we may not always have the same priorities, particularly at uni. The main thing is neither of us went into it thinking we would ultimately get married and live happily ever after. No one does that.
My advice is to first unpick why you think it wouldn’t work. Again, you’re not marrying the guy so there’s no pressure for it to work. Relationships are meant to be fun, not hard work. If you decide to date him, take it slow and be open with each other. If you work as friends you’ll probably work as a couple. It definitely wouldn’t be wrong to try. As Justin Bieber once said, never say never.
Whatever you do, don’t do friends with benefits. Trust me …
Kisses! Aunt Angela x
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