“Hi, I’m in a bit of a funny situation and I’m not sure what to do. In June my boyfriend and I moved in with a flatmate as he works away in London a lot and didn’t want me left alone in an unfamiliar city.
I get on really well with the flatmate when it’s just the two of us, but she is really rude to my boyfriend. Whenever he’s home she’ll go out of her way to make him feel uncomfortable in the common areas – e.g. she’ll make snide comments about him in front of him. If she knows he’s coming home after a long time away she’ll go out with her friends and plan an after-parties at ours until 5/6am without letting anyone know. It’s making him want to come home less.
I knew that the ultimate goal was always for my boyfriend and I to move out at some point and find our own place, but now I feel like I need to get away from this even faster which is a shame because as I said, I do genuinely get on with her. I don’t really want there to be any tension as we initially agreed to live with her at least until my boyfriend’s contract ended (end of 2023), but I don’t really think I can cope living with this for much longer. Any Advice?”
–Via Manchester Girl, Facebook
I’m not surprised your boyfriend doesn’t want to come home! That flatmate sounds horrendous. No matter the reason she gives for not liking your boyfriend, it’s completely unacceptable to bully him in his own home.
If you don’t want to create tension, one option is to essentially have an intervention. Sit down as a flat and address her behaviour and make it clear it’s unacceptable. Neither you nor your boyfriend agreed to live with such a disrespectful flatmate, especially when they’re having unannounced parties at 5 am. If the tables were turned and it was your boyfriend being rude, it’s likely you wouldn’t have put up with it for as long as you have.
The flatmate sounds incredibly spiteful and like she’s trying to drive a wedge in your relationship by pushing your boyfriend away. If the intervention doesn’t work within a few weeks, move out, regardless of what you initially agreed. You’ve probably familiarised and settled yourself now in Manchester, so this would be a good time to look for a place. It wouldn’t hurt to find a different flatmate either if that’s what you’re after still.
Alternatively, kick her out. She’s the problem, not you or your boyfriend. If she can’t respect you guys or the flat, then why let her live there?
Overall though, check how your boyfriend feels. It sounds as though the flatmate is manipulative by being friendly with you whilst putting your boyfriend down constantly. Undoubtedly she needs to change or go, asap.
Sad Kisses, Aunt Angela x
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