I Hate: Transformers 2

  Michael Bay spent so long working on the optical madness that is Transformers 2 that he forgot to develop his storyline or characters. The end result is CGI on steroids and very little else. It’s always a bad sign when you feel genuinely embarrassed for the actors in the film for having their names permanently besmirched by such an atrocity. The cast and crew behind this film would probably be happy if there was a nuclear holocaust, something to wipe out civilization, as this would finally erase their shame.
  There are so many abysmal parts to this film that it’s hard to know where to start. How about those ridiculous ‘comedy relief’ Autobots? How do writers get away with creating such shit characters? Give them a few cheeky lines so they sound like one of those adorable ethnic minorities; that will show the world how diverse and inclusive this blockbuster is.
  We must also remember that the first film didn’t exactly leave room for a sequel. We though we were safe – the cube was destroyed, forever. That’s ETERNITY. Until, of course, a shard of it is found and used to resurrect the equally permanently-destroyed Decepticon: Megatron. I mean, originality is seriously overrated in the film industry these days.
  Then there’s the family friendly hilarity (that’s heavy with sarcasm in case you didn’t realise) of Sam’s mum as she accidently gets high off a brownie and runs around a University Campus. Such an accurate portrayal of drugs makes Human Traffic look like Blue Peter.
Some may say that this film is worth watching for the stellar cast, but as great as that opening scene of her leaning over the bike is, it’s hard to find a more blatantly misogynistic use of female eye-candy than Megan Fox. Those lads out there who want to gawp, I have one word: Google.
  All in all this film makes me despair at the world any time somebody even tries to mentions it.

Patrick Cowling