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15th November 2011

Reborn as a hippy-crit

What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and misunderstanding.

My favourite of all the student stereotypes has got to be the hippy. What a lovely, well meaning bunch. Who could possibly hold any resentment towards them? They are always looking out for what’s best for the world, helping each fellow human, aiding all the cheeky monkeys and fighting for every wiggly worm. They are the last line of defence against those horrible meany capitalists and bad guy corporations.

And after it is the thought of all those fuzzy animals and the damage that we are doing to the environment that I, Lloyd Henning, have now pledged to abandon my wicked middle-class lifestyle and live a life of complete harmony with the universe. I urge you as students, the future, the free souls that inhabit this beautiful planet, to live in the spirit of those in undeveloped countries, but with all the amenities of the first world.

To become truly one with Gaea I’ve thrown my unnecessary possessions aside, barring the real essentials – like my mac book and smart-phone (which although they are manufactured by the corporations in ethically and environmentally dubious conditions, I’m actually making a unique stand for freedom by using their technology in a subversive manner by posting on my blog about my favourite incense sticks).

University has finally revealed me to myself. It’s really deep, all these important lectures and seminars and stuff. I only went to the initial introductory stuff, but it was really deep and taught me so much about the course outline that I was able to just skip the rest and lie in bed just “feeling out” of the knowledge.

I’m totally against money now as well and what it does, it is the tree trunk of all evil. My parents may fund me, but only so that I can learn enough about who I am so that I’ll be able to one day open up a bohemian cafe in the northern quarter for artists and free-thinkers to come and do amazing, interesting things like, err, art and free-thinking? I might need to borrow some cash off them for that though.

I believe in equality, especially equality with animals and nature, we are all one species – the species of life. And because chickens, pigs, cows and fish are my fellow brothers and sisters then I refuse to consume them. However, if I find bits of them in a skip marked by the man as “unfit for human consumption” then of course I will not let their murder be in vain and will ritually cannibalise their corpses, maybe with some potatoes and gravy.

Then I might go to these underused buildings and re-purpose them as spaces where like minded people can hang out, because there are not enough spaces where like minded can hang out in normal life. Sometimes we do poetry work shops and I am really pleased to say I’ve written more poems than I’ve read. I often just jot down anything that inspires me, like recycling and courgettes. I would hold these workshops at property I myself own or have lease of, but I think a bunch of unwashed people hanging around singing songs all day would be rather annoying.

Sometimes I do get the feeling that all this hippy stuff is a tad hypocritical, what with it feeling like I’m slightly taking the piss given the fact that I’m really just a middle class brat who in could do far more to help develop society than fart around with vegetables and bicycles. Maybe I’ll just go buy a McDonalds and get over it all.

Lloyd Henning

Lloyd Henning

Lloyd Henning is columnist and web editor for The Mancunion. He was once an olive connoisseur, he now works towards one day creating the real Jurassic Park. You can follow him on twitter @lloydhenning

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