As seen on my bank statement

You know that friend who always takes things too far? Well that’s me. A housemate recently labelled me dangerous to go shopping with; I never leave empty handed and encourage the same attitude in those around me. Even sober, my levels of self-control are dire. Sooner or later though, something has to give. In my case it’s always my bank balance and standard of living that take the hit.

I’ve always adored shopping but the boom of online shops in recent years has meant the said adoration has developed into something more sinister. In truth, my life is shadowed by my addiction to online shopping.

ASOS came into my life and changed me forever. It’s pretty shallow as far as addictions go but it’s hard to beat the exhilaration that comes from waking up to a present your past self was considerate enough to send you. If a greater felicity exists, I’m yet to experience it.

So what is it about online shopping that is so irresistible? Well real life shops close in the evening, and that’s just cruel. ASOS is there for me 24/7: whether it’s to look hot on a night out, to look smart in a seminar, to stay warm in my student house or to cheer myself up after a particularly gruelling day. Seriously, that’s a good friend right there.

Online outlets always have your size in stock, which is usually a sign that you should definitely buy, buy, buy. But the major draw is the fact that online shops like Missguided, Nasty Gal, Boohoo and ASOS have a greater variety and much faster overturn of stock. The ‘New In’ section is basically a daily doorway to a better you.

In this world of damp houses, dodgy oven food and Sainsbury’s basics vodka, online shopping offers a non-toxic escape. So yes, I sacrifice groceries, I buy new loafers instead of books for my course but I’m happy. Isn’t that the key to life? Well I’m happy for the day or two after I open that beautiful silver parcel of dreams. Then I start to feel just as un-chic as I did previously so I have to buy something else to fill the void and so it goes on.

There is no rehab for shopping addicts; there are only advertisements left, right and centre promising you a better life. And of course, it doesn’t help that ASOS sends me beautiful love notes every day. How can I break it off when they haven’t even done anything wrong? I’d tell you I’m working on it, that I’m battling this addiction each day at a time but that would be a lie. It’s a problem I’m willing to live with.

Well, at least it’s not heroin.