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8th November 2016

In possession of/possessed by the smoothie blender

The old Food & Drink Editor from ages past, Ellie Gibbs, sent me an article about blenders. It is brilliant.

Nutribullet. Liquidizer. Morphy Richards. Jug blender.

All are names of popular machines that have become of unprecedented prestigious value in our homes.

I’ve been around enough people to now notice the distinct trend of possessive nature that comes as a guarantee with purchase of this kitchen equipment.

It was in my first halls that I first felt the grip of ownership take hold of me regarding my old Phillips blitz-it-all2000. A flatmate had wanted to borrow it repeatedly and I found such negative thoughts seep into my mind:

“I hope she doesn’t break it”

“It’s my smoothie maker”

“Why doesn’t she get her own?”

I’m ashamed to say it, I hid the machine in my room when I went away. My brain couldn’t handle the thought of the precious plastic jug and holder being used in lack of my presence. Later in life, karma came around to bite me; another housemate refused to let me use her bottle-blender when my machine broke. Then a person I lived with the following year also did not like me using her nutribullet, and insisted I get my own.

This may all seem trivial, but what’s with the distinct trend? People don’t get possessive over kettles, microwaves, toasters, etc.. so let’s psychoanalyse the situation: why does this grip of possession come over the blender owner? There are some possible reasons:

1) The owner is subconsciously fearful of the user not handling/washing/using the blender properly

2) They think that with more uses, its lifespan is reduced

3) If it breaks in other person’s control, it’s fixing or replacement will still fall on the owner

4) Wanting to use it at the same time

5) Flavour residue

6) The owner becomes possessed by the blender

Let’s explore reason 6. Whilst 1-5 are legitimate, if not reasonable, they fail to explain the severe worry, distrustfulness, and secretive behaviour that is associated with blender ownership.

Number 6 explains it all.

A newfangled marketing technique introduced to ensure maximum purchases of product: the possessing device. As the blades spin round, the owner’s eyes widen in hypnosis as they become energetically magnetised to the kitchenware object. One is overwhelmed with a sense of attachment and is compelled to protect the life of the appliance at all costs. This ensures that no one else can use the appliance, and makes subsequent sales more likely as friends and family will be enraptured by the owner’s genuine love and obsession for the product; wanting to experience that feeling for themselves.

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