27th September 2022

Agony Aunt Angela: Pick a side

When a new partner asks you to sacrifice your friendships for them, is that just another her red flag to ignore or a sign to get out asap?
Agony Aunt Angela: Pick a side
Photo: @The Mancunion

“I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks now and he’s recently said to me that if we do get into a relationship, I’m not allowed any male friends whatsoever. I wouldn’t even be allowed to talk to the ones I already have. However, he’d be allowed female friends.

That being said, yesterday I only found out he spent the whole day with a female friend but didn’t think of coming to see me. What do I do?”

Bail. ASAP. 

Usually, if I don’t know the other partner well, I would usually say give it a go. People don’t like being told to leave a romantic interest, especially when it gets serious. That sort of advice usually falls on deaf ears. In this case though, it’s the only option you really have.

Not only does this sound like controlling behaviour, but also misogynistic. You get one set of rules whilst he has none. By being ‘locked’ into a relationship with him, you’d be exactly that – locked in.

It may start as asking where you went and who you were with (with an emphasis on the latter), but it could quickly escalate into demanding to see your phone, curfews, etc. This might sound extreme, but if he’s already dictating who your friends can be, then it’s a real possibility.

Luckily for you, he’s not the last man on earth! There are plenty of options for partners without having to sacrifice your social freedom. You may like him now, but the risk of an abusive relationship outweighs the benefits of being with him. It’ll be easier to walk away now than down the road when you’re more emotionally bound. 

If you’re still hesitant in walking away, confide in your friends and family – those you trust. Have them there with you when you finalise that decision, and then delete every last existence of him. 

Concerned kisses,

Aunt Angela x

Need some advice? Send in your mishaps and worries here!

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