Although it now seems to have fallen apart, this matchup would have arguably been the biggest fight in history. The last time a fight had such political implications was that of Muhammed Ali vs Joe Frazier.
As described in Hunter S. Thompson’s novel, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ali was one of the final bastions of the 60s Hippy movement, a dying school of thought in the America of the early 1970s, with his opposition to the Vietnam War, embodied by his statement “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong”, being heard around the world, and exciting masses of debate and discussion.
Frazier, on the other hand, became a representative of the views of the establishment simply due to being Ali’s rival. The ‘swinging sixties’, and the perpetual mood of hope for the future that went with it, was brought to its knees with Ali’s defeat in 1971.
Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, billionaire tech rivals, have had a growing feud for quite some time now and it reached vicious heights recently as the two started hurling insults at one another over Zuckerberg’s new social media platform, Threads, which bore startling resemblance to, and was a direct attempt to rival Musk’s own platform X (formerly known as Twitter).
With Musk threatening to sue Zuckerberg, the situation escalated to them declaring that they’d fight one another under MMA rules. Such a fight would garner the attention of not only combat sports fans but also the general public.
As for the real-world implications, the two are representing opposing online platforms and whoever wins would gain unprecedented publicity for their respective businesses. Whilst Musk wishes to provide an environment for users to speak freely on X, Zuckerberg promises Threads to be more regulated and friendly. This is a competition that takes on a particular relevance due to the growing prominence of social media in our culture.
Unsurprisingly, Dana White, the president of the UFC, jumped at the chance to organise the bout, even teasing the idea of it taking place in a Roman coliseum. It wasn’t long before the big names of MMA such as Jon Jones, Georges St Pierre, and Michael Chandler threw in their hats to coach the billionaires.
Imagine this. A coliseum packed with an audience that has the combined net worth to be able to buy the place. Hungry for a spectacle, they wait eagerly for Bruce Buffer’s voice to tear its way through the hot Italian air as he announces the names of the fighters. Standing at 6 feet and 2 inches, Musk is towering at his end of the cage. Fighting out of Olympus Mons, Mars, the billionaire Martian’s size advantage is difficult to ignore. Buffer now moves on to acknowledge the presence of the Zuck, as a censoring bleep is heard whilst Buffer tries to tell us where the Meta boss is fighting out of, for the land of the lizards must never be known to the public.
Once Buffer screams “It’s time!”, the entertainment commences. Musk charges forward intent on an early knockout as he hurls looping hooks, but the Zuck ducks and uses his agility to prance around the Martian beast.
Since Zuck has been training sufficiently, even competing in jiu-jitsu tournaments, he should be more familiar with his way around the octagon as he slams kicks into the calves of Musk.
Eventually, Zuck finds the opening, going for a single-leg takedown and as the commentary team yells timber, Musk loses his balance and hits the canvas. Zuck then proceeds to slither his way onto the back of his wrangled beast, in position to perform a rear naked choke.
Regardless of whose arm is raised by the end of the bout, the only satisfying conclusion would be if Jeff Bezos runs into the cage challenging for an opportunity to win the billionaire tech belt.
Note: This hypothetical rundown is based on the limited information that Zuckerberg has been training regularly in MMA and seems in good shape, whereas the fighting competence of Musk has been thus far cloaked in shadow.
