The year abroad seems to be a point of contention for lots of students in relationships, with the ever-looming cloud weighing heavy on those advertising their relationship via library PDA – a subject for another time. From being just down the road to potentially thousands of miles away is certainly an intimidating concept – we might’ve seen our first year flatmates crumble during freshers under the weight of a long-distance relationship, or lost a dear friend to hours of FaceTime and trips on sub-standard British public transport. No one ever seems to have anything positive to say about doing long-distance.
Before embarking on my year abroad, I was worried about falling into this trap, absolutely certain that I wanted it to be all about my fantastic adventures in Morocco. I did not want to spend this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pining over my boyfriend some 2000 miles down the phone whilst the world kept turning. At the same time, I am of the firm belief that it is better to try and fail, than to not try at all (cringe)… so it was a no-brainer that we’d stay together.
A lot of my friends in this situation seemed to feel the same way. They worried that distance would eventually make the relationship turn sour or that it would get in the way of an amazing experience.
It’s also a fact that a romantic relationship is not the only one you have to maintain over this time – long-distance friendships can be challenging too, another aspect of the already stress-inducing, life-changing year abroad.
But, now, 7 months into it all, I can safely say doing long-distance is really not that bad (at least it could be much worse). Sure, I’d rather that our conversations weren’t always punctuated by “sorry you cut out” and “is it my Wi-Fi or yours?”, but it hasn’t been the hellish monster that I expected it to be. That isn’t to say that it hasn’t been hard, or that I would love to do it again, but there are definitely things that can be done to make the distance easier. These things can allow you to enjoy your year abroad, to its greatest extent, whilst helping to ease the long-distance pangs.
So, here are some ideas of how to make all of your relationships – romantic and platonic – easier to maintain despite the distance.
Know when you’re going to see each other next
It’s simple advice, but knowing when you’re seeing each other next makes this time feel much more manageable. It doesn’t need to be an exact date, but knowing roughly when you’ll get a break from the long-distance can help to make everything more workable. Instead of a heart-aching year apart, you can break it up into the stints away from each other – adopt a new delusional mantra of “it’s only seven weeks followed by six weeks followed by four”, instead of “it’s a year apart”. Sure, you might look and feel insane, but it can help make the year feel less overwhelming.
Figure out your boundaries and expectations
When you’re both in the same city, you don’t have to think about how much you’ll speak to your partner or how much you’ll see them; you can be flexible depending on your day or your week. Sadly, when you’re 2000 miles apart, it’s harder to be so spontaneous about when you might hang out – you can’t just pop in and visit on your way back from Lidl. Not to be all preachy and Steven Bartlett-y, but it’s all about communication.
For me (a serial planner who dies by their Google Calendar), I found it helpful to discuss what we both expected from doing long-distance, like how regularly – in an ideal world – we’d FaceTime when we both don’t want to be bound to our phones 24/7 for the year. Of course, these expectations and boundaries have constantly changed – especially if one of you is adjusting to a whole new culture or has more deadlines than usual, but it can help to make sure you’re both on the same page… or at least come to a good compromise that works for each of you.
Have fun things planned (even if it’s over the phone)
One thing that has definitely helped to make long-distance easier is finding ways to incorporate the fun activities that you would normally do together in real life.
Watching films on quiet nights in, for example, is a great example of this – hark back to those Lockdown times when you’d Netflix-party (now called TeleParty), and keep up with the series you love to watch together. I never thought I’d suggest playing games on your phone, but I’ve found it can be a fun activity for the two of us (as long as I win) – replace the pub quiz with The Chase game, and it’s like nothing ever changed.
Before meeting my boyfriend, I was adamant that this year would be all about my incredible adventure abroad, and that I’d have no time for long-distance heartache. Now I’m here, I can confirm that this experience is still all about my incredible adventure in Morocco, but my relationship is flourishing too (not to flex).
Long-distance relationships can mean a lot of compromise – for me, it meant getting over how much I hate FaceTime – but it doesn’t mean that your year abroad has to be compromised. Ask any of my friends, and they’ll tell you I’m no relationship guru, but I really do think that a long-distance relationship, with the right person, is doable; although that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.
