I hate Shrek. No, really, I hate it. And not in an ‘I hate carrots’ kind of way, but in a full blown, screaming-as-you-pull-your-suitcases-out-the-door, ‘I hate you and your mother and that tattoo of your ex’s face that you have on the inside of your thigh’ way.

It is said that Bill Murray likes to sneak up behind strangers in New York, whisper, “Guess who?” and, when they turn around, tell them: “I’m Bill Murray. No one will ever believe you.” This would not be funny in a club, in Sainsbury’s or on campus, nor is it a good way to meet strangers.