Has anyone noticed the tall Hugh Grant lookalike in the glasses who’s on the second floor of the Learning Commons almost every day? I think I’m in Love, Actually.
– Brunette in red coat
To the girl with long blonde hair and incredible boobs who works in Fallowfield Nandos: just wanted to let you know that I’m not just coming in for the chicken.
– Regular customer (not creepy, I swear)
To the tall, chiselled blonde guy who studies in Green 3 and always seems to be eating Haribo – don’t snack on them, snack on me.
– Watching you from afar
I’m getting increasingly annoyed by the guy on my course (History of Art, second year) who feels the need to turn around in every lecture to stare at me. This is not an invitation to speak to me; however, I do suggest you get yourself a new corduroy jumper, as you’ve been wearing it nearly every day for the last two years.
– Irritated and Irrational
Last week I was captivated in a Fallowfied takeaway, by a blonde girl with the most impressive derrière I’ve ever clapped eyes on. Meet me there on Friday and we can share a portion of chips (without this much cheese, I swear)
– Krunchy Fried Creep
To the boy in the Learning Commons last week who insisted on sitting with his hands down his tracksuit bottoms for the whole of his essay session: yes, they’re still there. No, none of the girls around you are.
– Frankly Repulsed
To the brunette behind the bar in Font: you’re fit.
– Sex on the bar?
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