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12th November 2015

Ask Me

Our team of agony aunts and uncles give their advice

I’m in a very close friendship group of girls and one girl has recently got a new boyfriend who a lot of the other girls really dislike. They’ve started organizing things without our friend even when we know she’s not with her boyfriend because they claim she’s ‘changed.’ I’m really uncomfortable with the whole situation but I don’t want to end up cast out as well. What should I do?


This is a difficult one because although you rightly know it’s unfair for the group to treat your friend in this way, most people do change a little bit when they first get into a new relationship. It’s probably worth having a discussion with the group and remind them all what you so liked about your friend in the first place, and how her boyfriend can’t have changed her to such an extreme extent. You haven’t mentioned whether the group’s reasons for disliking the boyfriend are reasonable—maybe they just don’t like change and will get used to the new situation? It might be best to talk to the friend with the boyfriend as well and give her any chance to tell you if she’s feeling isolated from the friendship group, or just really enjoying all her time with her new boyfriend. With any luck, she won’t have noticed and the girls will soon get used to being more understanding about the situation.

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