All I want for Christmas …

1. A Christmas jumper

There is nothing better than a good Christmas jumper ey Santa. I have a lovely one with you on it but I desperately want a Harry Potter-esq piece to wear on the big day this year. The only problem is that nowhere sells them. But then I thought Mrs Clause can knit it for me! I know it’s quite a busy time of year, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. I’ll send you my measurements in the post.

2. A Fur Coat

If you think about it, this is necessary. It’s extremely cold in Manchester Santa, worse than Lapland I’d say. Your fluffy jacket is gorgeous (obviously) but I was thinking maybe something a bit less … bright. So I had a quick look round the shops and happened to find this one. I LOVE it Santa. And I love you (please bring me the coat).

3. This Mac lippy

It is imperative that ones lips look good during the festive season Santa. No one wants to be lingering under the mistletoe alone. My plan is to seduce them all with this gorgeous deep berry lipstick. They’ll be queuing up to give me a smooch, wouldn’t that make you proud!

4. Kyle Minogue’s bottom

I’ve heard you have magical powers Santa, and I think this would be a fantastic way to put them to good use. Kylie’s rear end would make me so happy, and I’m sure that other people would appreciate it too. Thank you in advance, you’re the best.

5. Someone tall, dark, handsome and carrying a puppy

Okay, so it’s a step up from the other requests. But doesn’t every girl hope for a scantily dressed hunk reclining under their stocking on Christmas morning? Come on Santa, I’ve been so super well behaved this year, I think it’s only fair.