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Day: 17 September 2012

X Addiction – It’s time to kick the habit

Allegedly, Cuban-heel wearing lady-killer Simon Cowell is refusing to leave his L.A mansion after both the US and British versions of his juggernaut show, in search of that je ne sais quoi, have lost millions of viewers. This suggests that Britons are kicking the habit and expect more from their Saturday night viewing, no longer satisfied by heart-string tugging, human interest stories and tone-deaf gyrating OAPs.

Of course I know it’s brain-rotting guff and, as a music editor, I should be advocating X-Factor abstinence. Alas, weekly (and sometimes mid-weekly) I watch (and re-watch) audition after audition and regularly descend into a pathetic weeping mess.

Having Lancashire’s dullest slimmer-of-the-year, Gary Barlow on the panel hasn’t deterred me – I amuse myself by guessing which mundane sound bite will next pass his lips. Nor has the presence of the nation’s most irritating old biddy, Louis Walsh, discouraged my obsession. Even the arrival of “the female boss” FHM’s Sexiest Woman, Tuli-sha hasn’t brought me to my senses. I should know better, and I hate myself for it.

But, I’m no monster – I cringe at the hysterical simpletons wielding their hopeful X signs, only to be crushed by the patronising put-down of a Pussy Cat Doll as the crowd point and laugh. But if someone even slightly resembling a humanoid staggers onto the stage, I’m hooked. Welling up if anyone overcomes their nerves… or loves their Grandad… or even worse, is singing “to give my daughter a better life”.

I also abhor the live shows. Surely it’s morally indefensible to witness the Cowell Colossus snatch children, digest their personalities and fart them out ready to shag across the globe. Although, as their faces sometimes appear on their very own brand of coloured condoms, I guess it’s probably okay.

Deciding this had gone too far, my road to recovery has begun by limiting myself to watching the “good” ones on You Tube. Yet, this has led me straight to X Factor’s very own channel. Where previously I could return to normality seemingly unscathed as soon as the audition process was over, now, a dark online world of archived video footage means the audition process is never over. Anywhere, anytime I can return to my favourite tear-jerker.

I’ve even revisited ‘classic’ auditions from past series, watching “The Beast” Alexandra Burke rise from the ashes of 2008 to defy her ex-judge Ms Walsh and come back ever stronger. I’ve enjoyed Malvern marionette Cher Lloyd’s voice-loss in front of Will.I.Am and, rare and most precious of all, those auditions where the relative nobody, Brian Freidman managed to sneak onto the panel.

So please, no hate mail. Rather, view this as acknowledgement of the problem, an admission that I have no control over my compulsion. This is the first step on the road to recovery… 11 to go.

Recharge ahead of October’s cultural marathon

Though these pages will hopefully persuade you to visit at least some of Manchester’s performance and exhibition spaces during your time here, you don’t have to stand for hours in a gallery or dedicate an evening to the theatre to recharge your cultural batteries. Post freshers week, if your student loan took a battering and you’re looking for something cheap, or if you’ve just moved here and are wondering where to explore next, or if you need to give your liver some time away from Gaffs 2-bottles-for-a-fiver, here are some suggestions for you:

The Apartment (Matinee Classics @ The Cornerhouse, Sun 30 Sep at 12.00)

If you’re missing the Mad Men aesthetic (or want to see Martha Levinson of Downton in her slightly younger days) and need a quick fix, check out Billy Wilder’s The Apartment, screening on Sunday at Cornerhouse, Manchester’s best cinematic experience. While it opened billed as a romantic comedy, Cornerhouse claim the movie as a ‘satirical and sorrowful Wilder classic’ – and though the years might have altered our perception of the film, its’ sparking dialogue, beautiful cinematography and stellar cast remain constant, making this a classic, and a must-see.

Chorlton Book Shop  (506 Wilbraham Road, Chorlton-cum-Hardy, Manchester, M21 9AW)

First spotted whilst driving past on the way to the rather less culturally-fulfilling UK Parcelforce depo, the Chorlton Book Shop is a charming independent bookshop stocking novels, art, travel and children’s books – and moleskines if you’re in need of a new diary. Staff always friendly, knowledgeable and happy to help – they also run a book club if you like it that much.

Kyla Brox (Tuesday 25th September @ Matt and Phreds Jazz Club )

The daughter of blues singer Victor Brox is an artist in her own right and, having first performed at the tender age of 12, now has several albums to her name and works both as the front woman of the Kyla Brox Band and performs in a duo with partner Danny Blomeley. These two roles provide the settings for two distinct performances – one as the leading lady of a set chock-full of show stopping blues numbers and the other, a more nuanced performance for a more intimate set of soulful tunes. If you’re already bored of the X-Factor, this is the night for you.

Mr Scruff’s Teacup (53-55 Thomas Street, Northern Quarter Manchester M4 1NA)

There is a cheeky sense of humour to this lively Northern Quarter institution, owned by Andrew Carthy aka Mr Scruff, which serves up some of the best tea, coffee, cakes and poached eggs in the city. This is the place for the post welcome week hangover to be soothed – sit, let your tea brew according to your personal tea timer, and watch the world go by – whilst perhaps also indulging in a cake or two. Or four – they are that good.

So take it easy with a movie, wind down to the sounds of some soul, sit with a coffee or finally get around to that book you’ve been meaning to read for ages, and recharge your batteries for October – because festival season hits Manchester in the form of the Literature Festival, the Food & Drink Festival, the Comedy Festival, the Science Festival and (winning the ‘best named’ prize) Grimm Up North Film Festival.

Nintendo announce Wii U release date

Nintendo have announced their new Wii U console will be released in Europe on November 30.  The console will not have a recommended retail price (RRP) but is expected to retail at £250 and £300.

The console will be sold in two versions, the Basic White version, which will have 8GB flash memory, and the Deluxe Black version, which will come with 32GB of flash memory. The Deluxe version will also come with a Gamepad charging cradle and a copy of Nintendo Land, a collection of 12 mini-games based around Nintendo’s most memorable characters.

The Wii U’s unique selling point is the innovative Wii U Gamepad. The Gamepad features a 6.2inch touchscreen that can be controlled with either fingers or stylus.

The Gamepad will remind gamers of the 3DS, with multiple screens serving different purposes. This allows Call Of Duty: Black Ops 2 to offer full screen local multiplayer with one player using the TV Screen and the other using the Gamepad screen. New Super Mario Bros. U has you use the stylus to create new platforms for Mario and co to use and in Nintendo Land you’ll be using the touchscreen to control a variety of mini-games.

Other improvements on the Wii include 1080p graphics and 2GB of RAM.  Hopefully, these will allow the Wii U to escape the criticism that was levelled at the Wii for lacking the graphical power of the 360 and PS3. However with the Xbox 720 and the PS4 on the horizon, it looks like those critiques could still stand.

Launch Line Up:

Nintendo Land: Bundled in with the Deluxe version, Nintendo Land will be hoping to be as iconic for the Wii U as Wii Sports was for the Wii. Featuring twelve mini-games based off of Nintendo’s most iconic games from Animal Crossing to Zelda. The game will likely be the first experience of what Nintendo are calling asymmetric gameplay, where one player uses the Gamepad while others use Wii Remotes, giving different gamers different experiences in multiplayer. One of the mini-games Metroid Blast has you controlling Samus’ gunship with the Gamepad, while two Miis controlled by Wii Remotes try to destroy the gunship. With the opportunity to interact with your favourite Nintendo characters in new scenarios, this looks like a great argument for getting the Deluxe Version.

Zombi U: Zombi U is a first person shooter from Ubisoft, with a premise that should excite everyone; zombies have overrun London.  You control a random survivor who has to escape London, when you die you respawn as a different character and continue trying to escape. The game allows players to drop hints before they die in order to help other gamers complete the game. The Wii U gamepad is used in a variety of ways, including as a turret, and as a sniper scope. Finally, if you’re still on the fence, two words: ZOMBIE BEEFEATERS!

Pikmin 3: Nintendo fans waited eight years for a follow up to the brilliant Pikmin 2. Pikmin 3 is a real-time strategy game where you lead a brigade of Pikmin. You navigate your way around the game world with your Pikmin in tow using them to get around obstacles and solve puzzles. New to the game are Rock Pikmin, which can be used to destroy glass walls and carry heavy objects.  These new Pikmin add to careful strategy in Pikmin 3. The games’ graphics have also been updated with lush foliage on show in the demo. The game can be controlled with the Wii Remote and Nunchuk, or the Gamepad. The Gamepad uses its extra screen to display a map of the whole level.

New Super Mario Bros U: In his first Wii U outing Mario goes back to his roots with 2D platforming. New Super Mario Bros Wii was one of the Wii’s best games, and the Wii U update doesn’t toy with that formula too much. The main updates are long awaited HD graphics, and a new feature with the Gamepad where if you play multiplayer, one player can use the Gamepad to create new platforms for other players and to create obstacles for enemies. Like the Wii version, four players co-op will be supported.

Also announced for the Wii U:

Bayonetta 2: Bayonetta 2 is third-person hack’n’slash game. The first game won near universal acclaim for its easy to learn but hard to master combat system.  You play as Bayonetta a character a shape-shifting witch with implausibly long legs, wields four pistols (including two strapped to her high heels) and can use her Rapunzel-like hair as a vicious weapon.  Platinum Games certainly went overboard on the fanservice here.

Most people would greet the announcement of a sequel to one of their favourite games with excitement, but Bayonetta’s fans took to the web threatening to kill themselves over the fact it was a Wii U exclusive. Note to Bayonetta fans: buying a Wii U is probably a better option than suicide.

Mass Effect 3: Leviathan DLC – Review

Remember Mass Effect 3?  After free multiplayer DLC and the extended cut, Bioware brings us its first playable single player DLC. The Systems Alliance has found something that might change the course of the war and once again Shepard is on point to find and secure this asset to win the war.

This DLC adds to the story by expanding the single player campaign. The 2-3 hour DLC, also comes with new upgrades to your arsenal and an extra war asset, but otherwise doesn’t really affect the other aspects of the game.

There are emotional choices and a few nods to the previous game’s lore. There are also puzzles and Atlas Mech sections in addition to the normal run and gun. The maps are designed with more layers to make it feel more flexible and to make the locations feel more realistic. Despite new characters, new locales, raised stakes and more reapers to shoot at, the DLC still feels unsatisfying. The attachments feel underwhelming; the puzzles are just a question of “Have you found all the interactive spots in the map?” and because the ending of the DLC makes such a huge splash, the fact that it doesn’t do anything after that is disappointing,

I should say that I am judging this harshly as I expect a lot from anything Mass Effect. Bottom line is: if you are dying for more Mass Effect then this is a solid and fun DLC with new places to go, new things to see and hear, and more choices to make in the boots of Commander Shepard.

Retro Corner: Final Fantasy 8

Final Fantasy 8 is considered by many to be the weakest entry in the series. Whilst I can clearly see why many people feel this way, to me it will always be the most important game in my life, as playing it as a young boy made me the gamer I am today.

It was not the first game that I played as a child, but it was the first game that made me appreciate games as more than just something to do on a rainy afternoon. I was hooked and spent hours immersed in this vast new world, always eager to see where the story would take me next. However the overcomplicated mechanics of the game baffled me as a child and so I would never get very far without getting stuck on one of the games many bosses, but this only meant I played it more, forever trying to beat it. Playing the game in my teens I finally fully understood how the game worked and had the capacity to finish it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The game meant so much to me at this point that I did not want it to end.

This summer I finally decided to bring my lifelong quest to an end and finish this game. Playing it again, I began to understand why so many people dislike it; it is flawed in so many ways with bad characters, a crazy plot and a terrible levelling system yet I still loved every second of it. I will never forget the overwhelming sense of achievement upon defeating the game’s hardest boss after 13 years, a feeling that no other art form but gaming could ever deliver.