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Global News

This week in global news

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Woman wins the lottery and shits on her boss’ desk

A woman from New York won $3,000,000 thanks to a jackpot lottery. As a consequence of getting that fortune, she decided to have a fabulous and copious dinner in a Mexican restaurant. Next Monday (after all the weekend containing her need to go the toilet) she went to her office as usual, but this time with a different purpose; shitting on her boss’ desk. When the boss came back to his office after lunch, he discovered his recently ex-employee shitting on his table. Her explanation for it: “I have been bearing your crap all these years, now it is time for you to bear mine.”

Trump deletes the Spanish version of the White House page

Twenty-four hours into his takeover as president of the United States on the 20th January, Trump deleted the Spanish version of the White House official website. ‘Page not found’ is all that can be read now on the page that was created in 2012 during Barack Obama’s presidency. He has also shut down the Spanish social networks accounts that the previous Government used. Besides this, others link with access to issues such as LGTB, climatic change, Cuba, and the nuclear pact with Iran have disappeared too.

La La Land success

La La Land, the new musical in which Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling have leading roles, is so far the film of the year, boasting the most Golden Globes Award wins in 2017. The film won all the awards that they were nominated for, a sum of seven, including best actor, actress, director and best film in the comedy/musical category. Damien Chazelle’s City of Stars has achieved fourteen Oscar nominations in thirteen different categories, with 2 of its songs ‘City of Stars’ and ‘The Audition’ competing for the same award. The film ties for the record with Titanic and All about Eve.

He finally chose life

T2 Trainspotting, the sequel of Danny Boyle’s 1996 classic film, has finally been released after 20 years. Trainspotting is based on the novel with the same title by the writer Irvine Welsh. Welsh published his own sequel, Porno, in 2002, in which the Scottish group move from heroin to pornography and the film is thought to follow a similar route. Fans have been teased so far as to its content, but the trailer shows Renton’s new monologue telling the viewer to choose life. The original cast are all set to appear.

Cold wave hits refugees

The United Nations has warned that refugees and migrants are dying of exposure to the bad weather that has hit Greece and the Balkans. The unusually cold wave in the Mediterranean and south-eastern Europe is due to a movement of cold air from Siberia which has reduced temperatures to 10 degrees Celsius lower than normal causing heavy snowfall. Thousands of refugees and migrants have been stuck in Greece since the Balkan countries closed their borders last spring, and are now living in shelters that are ill-adapted for a freezing winter like this year’s one in Greece.

You can be a baby seal ranger

The National Trust has advertised a job that involves playing with baby seals and puffins for a living. Nothing short of adorable, tasks include counting the 200 plus seal pups that are born on the reserve each year and looking after 37,000 pairs of puffins. Despite the remote nature of the island, it’s safe to say you’d never be lonely.
However one employee has spoken about the difficulty of the job. She said: “It’s not a job for the faint-hearted. All our water on the island has to be brought in by boat – and we’ve not got a washing machine. Rangers can end up marooned in their cottage during the seal mating season and the island’s thousands of Arctic terns are known for diving at people’s heads in a bid to defend their chicks.”

Giant Buddha emerges from lake

A giant Buddha carved into a cliff face has emerged after the Hongmen reservoir’s water level was lowered by 30 feet.  After the project to renovate a hydro power gate had begun, the change in water levels revealed the figure, believed to be Gautama Buddha. The figure was alongside an imperial decree and is thought to date back to China’s Ming Dynasty. This has sparked an underwater detection project by a team of archaeologists, believing that a temple could have existed in the area, as the ancient town of Xiaoshi was once very important for trading. It was submerged in 1958 to create the reservoir.

Puppies rescued from deadly avalanche

Three puppies have been rescued after five days in the aftermath of the avalanche on the 18th January. They were found in the boiler room of a hotel in central Italy, which was destroyed by the avalanche. Nine people have also been pulled out alive, but the death toll had risen to 24 by the 25th of January. Five remain unaccounted for; presumed dead. Several earthquakes and lots of heavy snow have left thousands of people without electricity and emergency services working hard, with an emergency helicopter crashing in the same region, killing six people. The search is now nearing a close.

Puppy swallows eight inch knife

A Scottish twelve-week-old bull terrier called Macie has narrowly escaped death after swallowing an 8 inch knife. Her owner initially thought she had swallowed one of her squeaky toys after she was sick and started choking. However, the veterinarian discovered the long blade inside her, and surmised that she had only survived because she had swallowed the handle first and the knife had not pierced any of her organs. It had passed through her stomach and into her intestines, with emergency surgery needed to remove it. The lucky dog is now in full recovery.

Cameron pretends to shoot Johnson and Gove

David Cameron has revealed that he loves imagining the pheasants he shoots are named Boris or Michael.  He is a keen game shooter and divulged this latest information at the World Economics Forum. When asked how he spends his time now that he is no longer Prime Minister, he said he has taken up shooting again and that he “find[s] that when I shoot a few Borises or Michaels I feel a whole lot better.” Perhaps it’s no surprise that he enjoys the thought of this, given their recent history.

  • Cc

    La la land is such a bad film. The directing is laid on thick and is so clunky. The acting is average. The singing and dancing is hilarious in a bad, cringey way. The songs and music is contrived at best, insultingly unoriginal at the worst. The fact is winning so many awards is amazing, everyone I know thinks it’s so average. Suggests more about the quality of others films.

    • sigh

      suggests more about the quality of your friends tbh