I’m sorry but…’animal’ films suck

Don’t get me wrong, animals are great. However, if I’m paying to see a film I would choose to see something starring humans as opposed to life on the farm or stories about pets tragically left behind. Understandably most of these films are aimed at children; Babe, Lassie and Black Beauty are all entertaining but only if you have absolutely nothing else to do.

Even as a child, I never fully appreciated films involving dogs or cats, especially when the animals talked and their mouths moved; any child would thereafter expect to be able to have a conversation with their goldfish, only to suffer devastating disappointment. My favourite Disney films were not 101 Dalmatians, Bambi or even, shock horror, The Lion King. We never even owned these on video because I preferred fairy tales which seemed much more believable.

There are more recent animal films which have moved people to tears. Marley & Me was a box office hit thanks to the star cast and the lovable Labrador, Marley, whose life is chronicled in the film, ending very sadly with his [*SPOILERS*] death. I appreciated the sad ending especially as Marley was such an awesome pet, but I haven’t met anyone else who didn’t cry. I must have a heart made of stone.

On the other hand, Happy Feet, Finding Nemo and Stuart Little, I’ll concede, are animated classics which for some reason interest me. Was it the more gripping story lines, exotic locations or the added humour? I’ll never know, but regardless I won’t be queuing up for the next pet saga.