How to be a Warehouse cliché

As you may or may not have seen, all sartorial bets are off when it comes to the infamous Warehouse Project that is currently in Manchester until the New Year. Originally taking place at the Old Boddington’s Brewery in 2006, the sell-out-guaranteed night is now at the larger Victoria Warehouse in Trafford Park, meaning there are even more try-hard “ravers” in the same place at the same time.

Whilst the concept is not particularly original, it is by far one of the best nights out that Manchester has to offer with its ever-impressive line-up. Your experience however, is subject to the irritating presence of the WHP W**kers.

But fear not, for here at the Fashion section of The Mancunion, it would be our pleasure to outline how you can both avoid and identify the people who, for some reason, think that they are doing the rest of the world a favour by attending. Here are a few simple things to consider:

The clothes: girls, contrary to the embarrassing amounts of bodycon dresses I noticed on Saturday night, WHP is not the place for glamazons who are incapable of dressing down when going out. Boys, please strive to remain clothed at all times – it’s bad enough being shoved into sweaty t-shirts never mind naked, sweaty armpits. With regards to your t-shirts, let’s leave neon hues to the people in control of the lighting please. To those of you who insist on wearing coats or hoodies, please don’t. It gets hot and no amount of cologne or perfume can save us from your odour. You are either very cold-blooded or descendants of the Russian mafia.

You will get home in the early hours of the morning covered in undesirable substances with but a few being mud, alcohol, urine (hopefully you have not been this unlucky) and copious amounts of sweat from the people next to you, in front of you, behind you, as well as on top of you if they were truly dedicated to being a WHPW. A quick message to those of you who are guilty of this: you will be bottled. Period.

The shoes: Your shoes will also be destroyed. This is a lesson I learnt the hard way when I returned home with a once-white leather pair of shoes that now resemble a grimacing shade of grayish-brown. Do not wear your best pair of anything. It’s not a fashion show.

The attitude: We are all aware that you will most probably be off your face, however, when throwing shapes and insulting the rest of us with your dance moves, remember a little something called personal space. It’s not easy to come by when inside but don’t shove yourself around like there’s no tomorrow. Another thing, there is no need to yell “mate this song is sick” at the start of every drop. Finally, to you smokers out there who have decided that going to the smoking area is far too mainstream for you, flick your ash on your own hair or in your own eyes, not in ours.