Yum yum. Photo: Meal Makeover Moms @Flickr

Alternative uses: Coconut oil

Some alternative uses for the white gold:

1. Car Fuel
Amazing! A hippie-approved peaceful method of powering your engine and single-handedly boycotting the oil industry. As if this wasn’t brilliant enough, your exhaust will also emit the delicious smells of the Caribbean as you chug along. Add a touch of pineapple juice for extra flavour.

2. Toothpaste
You heard of it as a hair mask, you heard of it as body lotion. But did you think of smearing the good stuff all over your pearly whites?! Behold! There is no limit to coconut oil’s cosmetic value. Simply immerse your teeth in a chilled block of the stuff and let nature do the rest. For best results leave on all day and use the excess for lip balm. It will make your teeth appear super shiny and kissable. Mmm.

3. Food preservative
Do you ever find that your fruit goes off before you get chance to eat or use it? Never worry again! Slather the contents of your bowl in a protective layer of coconut oil. But don’t tell your housemates, they might be freaked out. Enjoy watching them as apples and bananas continue to slip from their hands.

4. Contraception
Now this one isn’t 100 per cent, so by law we must disclaim any responsibility for the results of this one. But apparently, sticking a spoon on your nose using the coconut oil as a kind of ‘glue’—if you will—helps to reduce chances of impregnation during intercourse. This may not be foolproof, but at least you’ll look good.

5. Self defence spray
Mix two tablespoons of coconut oil with 1 teaspoon of ground black pepper and 100ml water in a spray bottle. Keep in an inside pocket and generously spritz enemies in the face any time danger is perceived.

So there we have it. Five more invaluable uses for the legendary coconut oil! What has coconut oil done for you? Helped you lose weight? Fixed your marriage? Got you a first class degree? Let us know how we can benefit further from this heaven sent product in the comments below.

Tags: alternative uses, coconut oil, satire, vegan

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