Agony Aunt Angela: Cum on Eileen

“I’ve never been able to cum during sex and I don’t know if that’s normal or not. I do enjoy it I just don’t seem to be able to cum. Also, I rarely have sex with my boyfriend which is kinda nice considering that’s all my ex wanted to do, but I sometimes think maybe he doesn’t like it or something.”

Generally, not coming during sex is normal. According to Cosmopolitan’s recent survey, only 57% of women orgasm most or every time they have sex. Lack of sexual satisfaction has now become known as the ‘orgasm gap’, essentially referring to men finishing significantly more often than their female partners when they have sex. Statistics report that consistently, 25% of women finish vs 90% of men. Furthermore, only 18% of women in the US reported penetration was enough to make the cum during sex. So no, you’re not alone in this.

In fact, despite being sexually active for three years, I’ve never finished from sex. Sometimes I don’t enjoy it and I’m just waiting for them to finish, other times I just can’t find the right position. What helped however was reading Cosmopolitan. They have endless positions to try for every occasion, with advice on how to feel comfortable and what could be stopping you from coming. 

My advice is to first make sure you’re happy with the foreplay, and then communicate what does and doesn’t feel good when you have sex. As a chronic sex procrastinator, I know this can be awkward or embarrassing so this may be hard at first. Over time though it will get better. 

Three things I recommend for good sex are: a few pillows (put under the hips of whoever’s the bottom), lube, and a small vibrator (it’s got to fit between the two of you). 

In regards to the frequency of your sex life, again it’s something you need to properly discuss with your partner. Just trying to casually bring it up doesn’t really solve anything. Discuss why you guys rarely have sex. It could be them trying to avoid the attitude that your ex had towards sex, or it could just be a lower sex drive. If it’s the latter, then you’ll have to compromise. Either start investing in sex toys (we’ve got you covered in that area) or think about polyamory – it depends on how important sex is to you. 

Ultimately nothing’s going to be resolved if you don’t voice your feelings. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and sex revolves around how comfortable you are with your partner and your body. But more importantly, sex is never perfect, and it’s completely normal for it not to be great.

Some Sex Services:

Brook

NHS

Kisses, Aunt Angela x

Need some advice? Send in your mishaps and worries here!