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Month: October 2015

Live: The Bohicas

4th of October

Sound Control

On a Sunday evening in October, on the top floor of Sound Control, the Bohicas performed to a small but lively crowd on their second tour of the year around the northern cities of England. I must admit that I was sceptical when I turned up to the gig; the critics have not been kind to the new ‘band to watch’ of the indie rock/garage scene. For that is indeed what this band are aiming to be; they’ve stated plainly that they aren’t trying to explore new horizons but are stoking the fire of the genre by sticking firmly to the blueprints of the great bands of the mid-Noughties such as the Arctic Monkeys (who, incidentally, are on the same record label).

With this in mind, my scepticism grew when the support act, Seize the Chair, began their set; this band have been described by one reporter as “barely clinging to the edge of sanity,” trading indie rock for the sounds of synth and echoes with their inspiration coming from bands like The Troggs and The Monks. It reminded me of when I went to see Muse perform in London with Dizzee Rascal as their support; no one in the crowd was interested. This had a similar feel.

However, despite these setbacks, the Bohicas lived up to expectations. The set was punctuated with such album tracks as ‘Red Raw’, with a haunting melody that reminded the crowd of a Kings of Leon track. There was an eclectic mix of crowd-chanting hits like ‘Where You At’, which lifted the atmosphere after the chaotic support act.

This band are destined to be bombarded with comparisons, but no one in the room seemed to be taking this as a negative. As the chorus line of their song ‘To Die For’ states: “You’ve heard it all before, but baby we’re just to die for.” Seems about right; any fan of the Arctic Monkeys, The Hives or Kings of Leon would find themselves tapping along to The Bohicas, wondering how they hadn’t come across them sooner.

7/10

Fish out of Water: Prog rock

Before wading head on into the murky depths of progressive rock for the first time, my surface level exposure led me to associate it with two things. First of all, Pink Floyd. It’s an association that’s largely in the name; they’re a classic band in the history of music generally before being a seminal prog rock outfit, but I’m aware of the connection and like most self-respecting music fans, I’ve heard Dark Side of the Moon and The Wall.  Secondly and almost damningly, I associate prog with excess. As someone who generally likes three- or four-minute-long songs to make up a 40-minute album, the idea of long keyboard solos clocking on to a ten-plus-minute track length sounds like a fucking nightmare. But would pivotal works by King Crimson, Yes and Rush change my mind?

Out of the three albums given to me, In The Court Of The Crimson King by King Crimson was by far the best. Most strikingly, given that it’s the oldest of the three having been released in 1969, is how timeless it feels. The whole album is impossible to pin down to a single year. In hindsight, it’s no real surprise why ’21st Century Schizoid Man’ ended up being on Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. On top of this, the album doesn’t feel excessive. Everything feels like it has its place on the album, despite the fact that two out of five songs are over ten minutes long. A real achievement! Overall, if you want one album to sell you the idea of progressive rock, it’s this one.

Photo: Album Artwork

The other two albums, Yes’s Close To The Edge and Rush’s Moving Pictures, are both definitely prog but differ greatly from King Crimson. Like any genre, I expected stylistic variation, but my main observation on listening to them was how a genre that is stereotypically characterised as stuffy and nuanced can actually be so diverse. A song can be a slow acoustic number one minute, and then a massive cressendo of guitars and synths the next. In fact, both Yes and Rush contain elements of reggae rock—the surprise of which made me burst out laughing.

Unlike King Crimson, both Yes and Rush feel dated, sometimes very much so. Yes fit slap bang in the middle of the 1970s. Keyboard solos aside, even the acoustic moments on Close To The Edge are reminisant of bands like Lindisfarne. Additionally, Moving Pictures is an obvious a product of the 80s. You can imagine songs such as ‘YYZ’ and ‘The Witch Hunt’ being a precursor to hard rock bands such as Metallica. Overall, a lot of what may have been magic to the listeners of Yes and Rush at the time, is simply lost on someone from 2015.

Photo: Album Artwork

My introduction into prog has also made me better understand why punk changed the world in 1976/77. With a single song potentially taking up a whole side on an LP, as well as silly stereotypes such as mythical song settings, daft outfits and the aforementioned keyboard solos, it is easy to see how prog could become a parody of itself. As a result, punk in part feels like a reaction to prog. Cutting away the excess and leaving behind short, speedy songs—songs that are to the point and full of energy. Johnny Rotten even wore a shirt saying “I hate Pink Floyd.”

After listening to these three albums, would I listen to prog again? In some ways, I guess we all kind of already do. Progressive elements can be found in all sorts of music, from Radiohead to Godspeed You! Black Emperor. But actual, dedicated, and certified prog rock? Maybe—I’ve heard Neu! and Can are good! Do they count?

Modern Day Warriors: What we owe Prog

Prog rock was once something that evoked images of balding new age men in record shops discussing various pressings of Bitches Brew and high-pitched wailings of encoded Tolkien references. But in 2015 the genre has managed to stealthily carve a solid place in mainstream culture despite its potently uncool associations. In September an official albums chart for prog was launched, with modern bands like Public Service Broadcasting, Muse and Tame Impala all represented alongside the expected Waters/Gilmour fare. Prog is alive, and unlike the distinctly niche new/nu/post-prog of the mid-2000s, prog has a broad appeal.

With these three popular and often acclaimed bands alone, one can trace several legacies of the genre. Tame Impala offer a psychedelic and poppy sort of prog, a much more self-consciously cool take on the genre. PSB use the motif of progressive musical build-ups to represent an idealised view of scientific advancement, not unlike much of the sci-fi influenced prog of the 1970s. And Muse, far and above the most popular of the three, boast concept albums, long symphonic pieces, absurd vocal agility and The Wall-esque live performances.

Nonetheless, many sneer at the aesthetic of Muse, comparable to Freddie Mercury performing Banksy, and some may even sneer at the NME-approved Tame Impala or the kitschy Keep Calm and Carry On vibe of PSB. Yet the legacy of prog is further evident in some of the edgiest and most unique albums of the last few years. Notoriously, experimental outfit Swans’ 2012 album The Seer packed a guttural, confrontational and occasionally frightening type of progressive rock into six sides of vinyl. Moreover, Nicolas Jaar and Dave Harrington’s aptly named project DARKSIDE channelled some of the most endearing and exciting qualities of Pink Floyd and others through Jaar’s incomparable style.

These various successes are perhaps endemic of a wider shift in the prog/punk paradigm that has pervaded the discussion of popular music since the 1970s. In the era of mass musical consumption propelled by internet file-sharing, the binaries and tribalism of music fandom are at their least pronounced. The narrative of the year zero of punk toppling the Ancien Régime of prog seems much less reliable than it once did. As such, the King Crimsons and Rushes of the world enjoy a greater retrospective appeal, whilst the grotty works of Pistols-era British punk grow less and less interesting with each passing year. Sure, Matt Bellamy is still a wally, but is he any more of a wally than oh-so-controversial Tunbridge Wells punks Slaves, ostensibly singing about the shackles of corporate barbarism whilst dressed up as 1983 Joe Strummer ?

In a sort of turning of tables, the once-stale and indulgent ethos of prog sounds fresh again. It may even, by proxy, be cool, given the currently cool associations of being an indiscriminate connoisseur of multiple genres. So long as artists like those mentioned keep at skilful, prolonged and imaginative composition, who knows, we may even be ready to let some Jethro Tull flute solos back into our lives.

Live: Hey Rosetta!

7th Sept

Sound Control

You wouldn’t believe that it was the penultimate leg of Hey Rosetta!’s European tour given the amount of energy on show during their two hour set, but what was even harder to swallow was how small their following is in the UK. The band are a well-oiled, indie-orchestral machine with a full sound, that would have absolutely lived up to their studio album sound… in a larger venue.

On a small stage littered with an array of tour boxes, pedal boards, and instruments ranging from a French horn to a Fender Jag, the band began the show with ‘Soft Offering (For the Oft Suffering)’, the opening track of their latest studio offering. This song set the precedent for the gig which, similarly to the track, was to be a series of crescendos and diminuendos.

Most of their tracks started out with frontman Tim Baker singing on his acoustic guitar or his piano, but each was quick to develop. The pure harmonies provided by backup vocalist and multi-instrumentalist Mara Pellerin juxtaposed Tim’s raspier voice in a special way; better live than on their record. However, the band were let down by the occasional feedback, most likely due to the small space confining the septet. Frustrating as this must have been given that it was out of their control, it was only a small, limiting factor in the seamless graduation between their heavier tracks from Seeds, to the more refined, Yukon Blonde and Sam Roberts inspired sound of their most recent album Second Sight.

In Canada they may be used to playing on larger stages and to bigger crowds, but their courteous and energised attitude did not reflect this, which was refreshing. You would expect a small gig at the end of a tour to come off as routine, but their set had a spontaneous feel, including a song that was cut from their most recent album called ‘Belle of Batoche’ as well as ‘Cathedral Bells’, which Tim stated that they hadn’t performed in eight years. They even took suggestions from the crowd; a Scottish man made it known that he had driven all the way down just for this gig simply to hear ‘Welcome’, and so the band crashed into it as if it were always part of their plan.

Hey Rosetta! are clearly very successful at what they do, but it would appear that they are a niche band in the UK. Their performance at Sound Control showed this, not just in that their following only marginally filled out a small venue, but also through the relatively scant crowd who were there were mouthing every word of every song. An acquired, but extremely satisfying taste.

9/10

#wtf?

Wine o’clock, NBD, bants and manspreading may not sound like ‘proper’ English, but all make it into the new edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. They reflect the rapid evolution of words and phrases that are occurring as a result of our desire to text and email frequently and not type long, complicated words and sentences.

Our dependence on phones and computers has lead to thousands of new abbreviations and words being created, and it is often hard to keep up to date with an increasingly diverse, but also often incomprehensible text language.

One negative aspect of this language change is the increased difficulty for many people to write ‘proper’, intelligible English. Words and phrases such as ‘lol’, ‘wtf’, and ‘lmfao’ are heavily used, but inserting them into an essay or dissertation is not a good idea. However, whilst these phrases are not considered part of the English language, many are now being officially recognised.

The Oxford English Dictionary was first published in 1884, and contains over 50 million words. New words are now being added to the dictionary at an unprecedented rate, with 1,000 new entries in the quarterly August 2015 edition.

This reveals the phenomenal rate of language development that we are currently witnessing, with new words, abbreviations and linguistic innovations every day. While some tongue twisters and confusing abbreviations will undoubtedly arise, a great number of words and phrases are easier to use and more flexible than those that they have replaced.

Students, as a large, intelligent group of people who are also heavy phone and social media users, are at the forefront of language innovation. So let your creative juices flow, and one day you may see a word or phrase you created in a future edition of the Dictionary!

Top 5: Alternative Mens Hallowe’en costumes

The end of October has crept up on us again and the time is ticking for you to knock up a vague excuse for a Hallowe’en costume. Maybe you want to break the mould this year and swim against the relentless current of ripped t-shirts and half-hearted zombie makeup. Maybe you don’t fancy blowing your loan on an ensemble you’re probably only going to wear once. Here are some original options for this Hallowe’en that won’t leave your bank balance screaming in fright…

 

For the suit-wearers

Shia LeBoeuf

If you want to get one more wear out of your dinner jacket and bowtie this year than just your graduation ball this summer, try this slightly creepy look that epitomises the ‘minimum effort, maximum effect’ idea. This unforgettable LeBoeuf episode took place at the Berlin Film Festival last year, and is promising to be a thoroughly timeless look.

You will need: A suit, a paper bag, a marker pen

 

Photo: nathaninsandiego@Flickr

For the DIY-ers

The Shining

A bit of forward planning and a spare cardboard box or two will help you recreate this classic movie moment. Cut a head-shaped hole in the middle of the cardboard, and some holes to loop the string through so that you can wear it like a mask. To finish, draw on some authentic wood-like markings and of course that famous quote: “Here’s… Johnny!”

You will need: Some cardboard, scissors, string, a marker pen, an axe (optional)

 

Photo: MyModernMet

For the sportsmen

Banksy’s Flower Chucker

Fancy dress doesn’t have to be fancy, no need to change out of your sports kit for this one. Don some black trackies, a hoodie, a cap and wrap a scarf around your face. Source some real or fake flowers and even apply some white face paint to exposed skin for a finishing touch. Strike the pose and you’ll be easily recognisable and highly commended for your artistic flair.

You will need: A black tracksuit, hat, scarf, a bunch of flowers, white makeup (optional)

 

Photo: courtarro@Flickr

For the facial hair-cultivators

Alan and Baby Carlos

If you’re going for the comedy value at Hallowe’en, this is sure to be a winning look. Source the toy baby and carrier from a younger sibling or the toy section of a pound shop and you’re good to go. A fake beard can be purchased at the wearer’s discretion.

You will need: A toy baby with a baby carrier, two pairs of sunglasses, a fake beard (if applicable)

 

For the group costume lovers

The Zombie England Rugby Team

Can’t face not doing a collaborative fancy dress with your mates this year? Here’s one option that thankfully isn’t The Smurfs. A slightly more current variation on the zombie theme, dust off your England rugby shirts that you’ve probably stashed away in disgrace and go as the walking dead England rugby team. All in all quite a plausible costume idea, as Robshaw et al. have all probably died of shame…

You will need: Friends, an England rugby shirt, shorts, socks, face paint

Relationship status: It’s complicated

“It’s like a game,” says Fiona, a final year student, as she sips a coffee in the Students’ Union and texts, “laying here thinking bout u” to a boy she is interested in. Mobile phones have led to texting and flirting becoming an easy element of everyday life, where having multiple ‘love interests’ on the go at the same time can now be easily maintained in one inbox.

However, this has also led to our love lives becoming more complicated. Dating. One night stands. Hook-ups. Booty calls. Randoms. Flings. They are all now part of the dating landscape, and making decisions when drunk, lonely, and wanting attention can and will result in poor decisions made. (Beyonce failed to mention drunken texts and other things you regret in the morning in ‘Drunk in Love’…)

Fiona describes her dilemma. “My life is ruined. It’s only a matter of time before my boyfriend finds out about the guy I’m in love with, or my fling with his best mate. I wish I could wake up and just not be me for a day.”

This sounds like the perfect scenario to describe as ‘It’s complicated’. However, the truth is never as bleak as it may seem. Time will make a funny story out of most complex situations, and it is important to not feel too down about a relationship not working out. If you feel it is not going to work out with someone, it is better to be honest and admit it as soon as possible, rather than letting something drag on. It can be difficult to say, but it is always best for both people, and it prevents awkward situations and even more difficult conversations in the future.

Jen, now a postgraduate student, regretted lingering in a relationship for too long: “I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so instead of breaking up with him, we just stayed together for far too long, even though we both liked other people, until eventually we admitted it to each other. It really wasn’t worth it and we wished we hadn’t wasted time and had just been honest sooner. If its not going to work out then there’s no point feeling bad about it.”

University is an opportunity to figure out exactly who you are. A new environment, and the chance to meet new people and experiment, without the attention and the ‘fishbowl’ atmosphere that can exist in your home town. It is important not to attach too much significance to mistakes or errors in judgement. They’re part of the journey of self discovery.

Some great advice for us all is provided by Stacey, a second year, who had the following to say about university relationships: “We are all learning about ourselves, and who we are, as well as meeting other people. You may have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince. Or princess, or whatever it is you’re into.”

Get out there, stay safe and most importantly, have fun.

Record Reappraisal: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Released Nov 2010 via Roc-A-Fella

On seeing that last week’s record reappraisal was Radiohead’s Amnesiac, I pressed the head-ed as to why it wasn’t Kid A, as it’s clearly superior. Quite rightly, he responded that such a review would be redundant; countless critics have talked the album into journalistic sludge and there’s simply nothing left to say.

The same could be said of Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Putting aside the fact that it’s only five years old and so a reappraisal seems a little premature, it’s probably the most acclaimed album of the decade so far, garnering top marks from a ridiculous amount of music publications (seriously, look on Metacritic—I don’t think even The Beatles were treated that well).

So what’s left to say? Well this week we’re talking prog and aside from dusting off my old Rush albums, I couldn’t keep my mind off of Kanye. Is My Beautiful Dark… a prog rock album? I think that would be stating the case a little too strongly, but it is his prog rock album.

Let’s address the elephant in the room. ‘Power’ samples King Crimson. It’s a prog classic, but if this were the extent of the comparison, I’d be just as entitled to call To Pimp A Butterfly an indie-folk record because it samples Sufjan Stevens. Even out of prog rock context this fact is talked over to death and I’m not quite sure why. Sure it’s a bold move, but he’d sampled Curtis Mayfield and Daft Punk prior to this; I’d say that’s bolder.

Kanye doesn’t give good taste and respect for musical history the time of day, he’s Kanye fucking West damn it, he’ll do what he wants. This is precisely the reason, contrary to the opinion of many a critic, that I think the sample is so perfect. On this album, Kanye fully embraces the persona of the 21st century schizoid man: Erratic, indulgent of modern pleasures, a force of pure ego.

Prog is an intrinsically egotistical genre. It indulges in lengthy solos, high concepts, and pulls from a variety of styles for the primary purpose of showing off. My Beautiful Dark… is certainly a diverse album; ‘Devil In A New Dress’ is smooth as caramel soul, and ‘Hell Of A Life’ shuffles along with the clip, clop noises of an old western soundtrack.

Many elements of the instrumentation are shared with prog itself, such as the symphonic horns on ‘All Of The Lights’ and with swirling, screaming guitars scattered all over tracks like ‘Power’ and ‘Gorgeous’. In terms of solos, the nine-minute centrepiece ‘Runaway’ ends with what I can only describe as an autotune jam. This thick, distorted drone has become somewhat of a trademark of his, but on first listen it took me totally by surprise. It serves as a brilliant FU to anyone who’s criticised his singing abilities or professes that use of auto tune cannot be artful: an absolute highlight of his career.

When it comes to high concepts, to quote theatrical opener ‘Dark Fantasy’, “can we get much higher?” The album isn’t set in a mythical land or dystopian future in the conventional prog sense, but instead twists his own life into a dark fantasy, where he’s the most powerful man in the world, has daily orgies with porn stars and dances with the devil herself. Don’t take him for not being self-aware though; after the climactic closer ‘Lost In The World’, which acts as an operatic reprise, we’re left with patchy applause from a small room. It’s as if the original college dropout has woken from a perverted day dream.

It’s impossible to talk about prog without acknowledging the backlash of punk and appropriately, Kanye created his own. Perhaps disillusioned by excess and grand orchestration, Kanye’s followup Yeezus is stripped back, visceral and angry. Compare the “I, I, I” of ‘Runaway’ to the ‘yous’ in spat out in ‘New Slaves’ and you have the punk/prog conflict in a nut shell.

One of the virtues of a re-appraisal is the ability to step back from the hype of the time. Is My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy overrated? Well it’s certainly not perfect. I can never tell if I’m missing something when listening to ‘So Appalled’ or if it really is just as vacuous and self-serving as it seems on the surface. The misogyny smeared over ‘Blame Game’ ruins an otherwise beautiful and fantastically produced song. However, picking flaws is like passing up an enormous cream cake because of the calories: The pure hedonism draws me in every time. It’s the most grand hip-hop record ever made and is unlikely to be matched, because only one man has the perfect balance of talent and ego to pull it off.

THE COFFEE COLUMN: North Tea Power

For this week the ‘Coffee Column’ has been hijacked because, after being greeted by a friendly “hello,” the first thing that strikes you about North Tea Power, as you may have guessed by the name, is the vast quantity of tea that’s on offer. You can get anything from the standard breakfast tea to the rarer ‘Bolivian Cascara’ or the more unusual ‘White Hairy Monkey’. This small but busy establishment is set back into a commercial cloister on Tib Street in the Northern Quarter, and its popularity is understandable.

There’s a relaxing atmosphere to this place and it’s an ideal spot to socialise with friends during the day. The rhythmic, indie music creates an ambience that lets you know you’re still in the city but still somewhat detached from the crowds. Inside, the room has an organic feel with jars of tea leaves lined up on wooden shelves, flowers sat upon wooden tables and chairs that stand on the reclaimed floorboards. There’s something dishevelled about North Tea Power that is rather enchanting.

What makes this special is the almost overwhelming array of loose leaf tea. Just by sitting here and enjoying the coffee, you feel as though you’re learning something about tea. For instance, judging by the list, the British go-to tea is black tea, but then of course there’s green tea and herbal tea, what’s more is that there’s oolong and white tea too. Each of these categories of tea have a number of species, so to speak, from various countries, with as many flavours as you can imagine.

But alas, this is the ‘Coffee Column’ and NTP also serve a great tasting range of the stuff. It’s certainly better than the standard coffee that you usually find, but then it’s also not as refreshing or individual as other coffees you can find elsewhere. During the warmer seasons, they serve cold brew as well as iced varieties of the classic coffees. There’s not much to say other than it’s a good, standard coffee.

It may also be noted that if you want something a little stronger, NTP is licensed and has a comprehensive selection of bottled craft beers, though there are cheaper places around the NQ for a drink, with the cheapest bottle priced at a rather dear £3.50.

This is an ideal place for a light lunch or snack with a selection of sandwiches, baked products and vegetarian food on offer. The breakfast food is available all day if you fancy a bowl of cereal or egg on toast after lectures. The food and soft beverages are all sold for a reasonable price that shouldn’t trouble the budget-conscious too much.

This place scores full-marks for its originality and atmosphere but, for a coffee lover, it feels slightly uncomfortable sampling their coffee when tea is clearly their pièce de résistance. So after sitting here for an hour and contemplating the idea, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try a ‘White Hairy Monkey’…

Album: New Order – Music Complete

Released 25th September via Mute

A lot has changed in the world of New Order since their last album, 2013’s Lost Sirens. While the musical world has seen the continuation of EDM’s universal ascent, this album marks the dance pioneers’ first since Peter Hook, their former bassist, departed in 2007, and 30 years after forming Joy Division with frontman Bernard Sumner and the late Ian Curtis. It is also their second album since returning from the second split in their somewhat turbulent history.

With all of this considered, the album’s title is a statement in itself; it sets the scene for a band determined to assert their well-earned status, and also their security, following a potential major bump in the road. When keyboardist Gillian Gilbert takes joint vocals on ‘Tutti Frutti’, it contributes to an impression of a united front that you might not expect from a band on their first outing without a long-standing founding member.

It shouldn’t be forgotten that this group rose themselves from the ashes of Joy Division, and as such, the period of the last 30 years has seen them walk the line between electronic and guitar music. It could sound like a catastrophe of multi-tasking, but unfortunately the opening track and single ‘Restless’ errs towards the latter. It sets the scene for an album that finds itself very much not, to quote its lyrics, “Lost for words… in this changing world”.

Second single ‘Plastic’ sees the band on top, dancefloor-filling form on the dance side of their oeuvre, but the genres and styles explored on the album don’t stop here. ‘People On The High Line’ features a funky, Nile Rogers-style riff, while ‘Nothing But A Fool’ sounds like it could have come from the back catalogue of Electronic.

‘Superheated’, featuring its co-writer, Brandon Flowers of The Killers on vocals, closes the album in upbeat, joyous pop, and as cheesy as it feels to write it, there is a sense in the closing chords of having been on a ‘complete’ musical journey.

Ultimately, whilst there may not be any tracks that instantly seem certain to take a position of infamy within the group’s canon alongside the likes of 1983’s ‘Blue Monday’, this album will surely be highly remembered for the wide variety of musical styles that it conveys, and will retain a high appeal within New Order’s repertoire for years to come.

7/10

Interview: Eliza And The Bear

“Capturing what we do live in a studio album, whilst getting told ‘you’re so much better live than you are on CD’; that’s been the biggest challenge.” Martin Dukelow, lead guitarist of Eliza and the Bear, reflects on their lack of studio material despite having been together for four years now. “We’re a live band, 100 per cent.”

This is no defeated admission; as I talk to Martin and singer James Kellegher ahead of their Manchester Academy show, it is clear that they’re confident in their abilities and want to get their debut right. This confidence is far from unfounded, with the likes of Imagine Dragons and Paramore inviting them to be support acts on recent tours.

Their sound on previously-released singles sits somewhere between The 1975 and Of Monsters And Men, but new live songs ‘Oxygen’ and ‘Cruel’ showcase a more rebellious edge. “We are kind of going a bit rockier,” James says hesitantly, after having shut down the suggestion of a more electronic direction, given their new single ‘Make It On My Own’, which he calls “a black sheep.” I too was sceptical of this transition before the show, but they pulled it off in a way reminiscent of a soft-core Biffy Clyro, with added brass.

Their chemistry on stage is extremely infectious and it’s clear from the way in which they interact that it carries off-stage too. “We come as friends before band members and that really helps,” says James.

“It always feels like we’ve hit our peak and then we just step up again,” Martin talks of the “lovely” song-writing period they’ve been having, “we got about 15/16 songs down, sort of the opposite of writer’s block, sort of writer’s unblock?” he laughs.

Despite this cohesion, their creative approaches are startlingly different. James describes “a little black book,” for “moments of inspiration.” Martin states simply, “I’m not artistic. I won’t see a painting and be inspired to play a certain chord, for me, it’s about what I’m hearing.”

Contrast is a continuing theme within the band, with Martin replying that he’s “big on Slayer” when asked about musical taste and James chirping in that he’s “into Taylor Swift!” You can hear this disparity in their music, with Martin’s high gain, fiddly guitar riffs and James’s pop vocals conflating to create a unique sound. “It’s a push and a pull,” James admits, “but there’s a communal area where we coexist!”

When asked what the future holds for them, Martin responds with, “although I really love doing what we do best, I’m really looking forward to going back to the studio, finishing off some of the tracks and seeing what comes next.” If they do manage to nail this live sound on record, and infuse it with their grounded, yet exciting, sureness of themselves, it’s hard to imagine things not going their way.

Live: The Strypes

26th September 2015

The Ritz

I wouldn’t call The Strypes a one-trick pony band, but it would be difficult to convince a newcomer otherwise if their first experience of the band had been this gig. The latest release of the four-piece from Cavan, Little Victories, proved that they have the capacity to write more rhythm-driven songs, such as ‘Get Into It’ and ‘Queen of the Half Crown’. Both songs made appearances in their setlist; however, they felt like cameo appearances. They were played in quick succession, as if the band were embarrassed and wanted to get them out of the way.

There was a clear preference towards the fast-paced and RSI-inducing strumming of their earlier work, like ‘What A Shame’ and ‘Blue Collar Jane’, with no room for respite or diversity amongst the set. Little Victories highlight ‘(I Wanna Be Your) Everyday’ was absent but sorely needed to give this set more variety. Sadly, it wasn’t deemed moshable enough.

Negatives aside, The Strypes’ energy and charisma can’t be faulted and these traits kept the gig from falling below average. They are showmen as well as musicians, complementing their set by playing guitar solos behind the back, microphone swinging, a bassist doing the robot and some cheeky, shit-eating grins.

They can also bring together fans from different generations, with older fans vibing off their 50s-inspired guitar licks and young ‘uns who just like jumping to loud, fast music.

Overall, The Strypes know how to turn solid venue floors into a booze-stained, sticky trampoline, with the sheer mass of people jumping to their music, and they have learned how to write songs that aren’t at a breakneck pace. I only wish that they were able to combine the two on the night to keep things from becoming stale.

5/10

“It’s better to burn out than fade away…”

So far, 2015 has seen documentaries about dead music icons come out left, right and centre. These range from high budget flicks, such as Amy and Montage of Heck, to the smaller scale—Soaked In Bleach, another Cobain-based documentary, and Heaven Adores You about Elliot Smith. This type of music documentary seems to have struck a chord with fans and regular cinema goers alike. What does this say about the public’s relationship between these musicians and the glamour that sudden death gives to their career?

At a glance, it’s easy to be cynical and view these films as being viewed through rose-tinted glasses. We put dead celebrities on ridiculous pedestals all of the time, to the extent that they begin to feel unreal, even warped. This can split people in to two camps of response; either mindlessly treat them as the idol that they’re portrayed to be, or become completely jaded about it. However, once you dig beneath the surface, you realise that this superficial polish really is just that. They’re real people with emotions, faults, goals and regrets. They’re people falling apart.

It’s also important to realise that the quality of a documentary doesn’t necessarily correlate to the size of the star being covered. Some of the best documentaries are about relatively unknown people. For example, Seaching For The Sugarman is based on little known folk singer Rodriguez, and it’s beautiful and profound. Sure, having a documentary about a big name may make money (Amy is now the biggest grossing documentary in the UK), but this does not guarantee critical success. Good documentaries should draw in the audience on the themes of the subject’s lives rather than the name of the subject. This is what both Amy and Cobain: Montage of Heck achieve really well.

Amy is just as much about drug dependence, the price of being famous and extreme media intrusion as it is about Amy Winehouse. Towards the beginning of the film, much of the footage is that shot by Winehouse at the beginning of her career, but the last shot of her, showing her body being put into a private ambulance, was filmed by an unknown person. The move from personal to very impersonal footage of Winehouse is an intentional metaphor for Winehouse’s own alienation from the world, as well as the way in which much of the press failed to treat her like a person. As a result, Amy at times feels very much like a film made in reaction to the Leveson Inquiry—a visceral call to arms against the worst aspects of journalism.

Montage of Heck shares many similar themes. At its heart, it documents of the downfall of someone constantly battling their inner demons. The film’s exploration into Cobain’s suicidal tendencies as a teenager clearly demonstrates that the odds of survival were stacked against him, way before fame, heroin and Courtney Love came along. The use of his family and friends as talking heads only goes to show how raw his death still is to them 20 years on. Cobain’s story isn’t glamourous, it’s a tragedy.

The only way to view these people’s lives as glamourous is at a glance. Once you dig a little deeper, you realize that these are people unravelling and ultimately dying at tragically young ages. To put it simply, there is no polish.

Accessories: The Hallowe’en Edit

Hallowe’en comes around every year. Yet we never seem prepared. Strange, huh? If you are like me and don’t want to commit to buying a full-on outfit, only to wear it once every year, then accessories are a great option!

Face

This is one of the only nights you can go crazy with your make-up and not care if you accidentally give yourself a black-eye instead of a smokey-eye! Luckily, the range of decorative face products has drastically improved over the last few years. Take this Orelia ‘Sparkle stars’ Hallowe’en face tattoo. You can find it on ASOS for £5 and it looks great! Metallic tattoos are on trend, and will look great with any outfit! Want to be a bit more traditional with your face decorating? Why not invest in this face paint kit for £12 from Claire’s? Pumpkin, Zombie, Vampire, Cat, anything is possible with this palette. If you dab a bit of paint or apply a face tattoo, you are guaranteed to be Hallowe’en-ready.

Left Photo: Claire’s Accessories
Right Photo: ASOS

Feet

Bit of a weird one I know, but an outfit is from head to toe after all! Everyone has that go-to LBD, or even an LBS (little black skirt, in case you were wondering). Stick this on and add some witch tights (£8 from ASOS) and the job’s a good’un. ASOS also does these spider web tights for £8, or if you are feeling super stylish, why not try these Cobweb Heeled Mules for £45. Because shoes always fit.

Photos: ASOS

Bit of bling

If you actually just want to go on a night out but it happens to coincide with Hallowe’en, a bit of jewellery is a great way to add spook to your outfit. ASOS sells some super-cute Pumpkin earrings for £18 that I would be tempted to wear on a daily basis. ASOS also sells a Suzywan glitter bat necklace for £20. Glitter? I am sold. Or maybe try some horny hair clips which are easy-peasy to use, and are sequined. Oh Asos, you know me so well.

If these are a bit tame for you, why not go for some fingerless gloves… with cobwebs (ASOS: £7)! Jazzy.

Photo credit: ASOS

All of these accessories would make any outfit scream Hallowe’en! The hard part is to decide what to go for…

The future’s bright for Young Adult novels

Young Adult books are typically aimed at sixteen to twenty-six year olds, but many are perfectly accessible to older adults too. As an aspiring author of YA novels, I try to keep my finger on the pulse of current trends and rising stars in the genre via Twitter, Goodreads and other social media. I rarely buy new books, preferring to wait and get them from the library or second-hand; however, this summer I was given an Amazon voucher and had my first ever—and probably last ever—“book haul”.
My selection covered several genres and included four recent YA books. Through them I aim to give you a glimpse of the current YA scene on both sides of the pond. If you are new to YA or not really sure of what the term means then I hope you enjoy learning about this diverse and constantly evolving genre.

 

1. We Were Liars – E. Lockhart (US)

This tale of rich and foolish young things was marketed in that irresistible but potentially destructive way: Can you guess the massive plot twist? This, of course, is not a good idea unless the twist is both impressive and well-hidden. It was well-hidden but not that impressive: the same thing or similar has been seen many times before. However, the setting, an island near Martha’s Vineyard, was vividly described and the sense of impending doom made me quite jumpy at times. If you don’t see the ending coming I can guarantee you will flick back to the beginning to read at least some of the book with new eyes.

2. Solitaire – Alice Oseman (UK)

This novel caused a storm for having been written by a seventeen-year-old. As a young writer myself I followed Alice’s story and when my copy finally reached me—I was studying in Spain at the time—I connected to the story instantly. It’s unique among novels I’ve read in that it depicts a modern British sixth-form realistically, no doubt because Alice was attending one when she wrote it. There are so many references that Brits of my generation (90s kids) will get but probably no-one else will. Even if you don’t, it’s very readable, especially if you’re somewhere hot and fancy being transported to a freezing UK winter.

3. The Year of the Rat – Clare Furniss (UK)

I remember when this first came out I fell in love with the artsy purple dust jacket. Sadly the paperback, which is what I ended up with, is more ordinary. The important thing, of course is the story, which is pretty good. However, for me there was a major issue with age: the main character, Pearl, is supposed to be sixteen but frequently seems much younger. We watch her try to function over the year following her mother’s death in childbirth—the “rat” of the title is her baby sister. It’s as moving as you would expect, albeit with a gratuitous and slightly annoying romance thrown in.

4. I’ll Give You the Sun – Jandy Nelson (US)

This was probably the most hyped of the four and that put me off reading it at first. I was slightly peeved when my copy arrived without the yellow page-edges—that was one of the things that attracted me to buy it rather than wait for it to arrive at the library. Anyway, this, like We Were Liars, utilises setting to the max: the action unfolds on the Californian coast and we see the best and terrible worst of living by the sea. The prose is beautiful and makes up for the lack of plot (it just drifts dreamily from romantic encounter to fight to romantic encounter to fight). The big mystery is guessable from early on but for me it didn’t really matter. A violent thunderstorm hit Salamanca while I was reading this and the room literally shook. Needless to say, it was a memorable—and powerful—reading experience.
Overall I was very pleased with what I read: now is clearly an exciting time to be a YA author or fan.

Short story: Return to Rafah

Finally, it seemed, the end had come. Or rather, the dark crimson dye that had stained their lives had gradually run to leave a murky fuchsia in its wake. The crushed remains of once-believed-in hope lay remnant like the piles of stone that now littered the streets, once parts of faithfully-built, if unstable, homes. Funerals were once again held for individuals, but the grief left behind remained collective. A different leader and new factions, empty words and false promises signalled steps back for many, but others philosophised that at least the rhythm of the dance had changed.

Familial ties had been pulled and twisted, their resilience stretched to a point at which many, though unbroken, now sagged; and it was within such a loosely-fitting household that Salwa now sat, listening to plans to make the now-possible journey to visit the family in Gaza—with neither excitement nor anxiety but, at most, a mild curiosity. It would be interesting, after all, to see if Reema’s black curls now drooped as Shayma’s did, to see if hers and Ahmad’s bellies had shrunk along with the economy— or if they in fact protruded further, casualties of diets reliant on supplies of flour and sugar.

She would be keen to see if Mahmoud, their eldest, who shared his age with Omar, carried the absent look that her brother now so often did, to see if the family still built their days around jokes and laughter—or rather dragged them through an endless anguish, to see too if the brown door still hung steadily from its hinge or if it now stooped sadly, as did with theirs. And, she supposed, she would also be interested to see Mohanned. She wondered if her cousin, now 18 years of age, embodied the beginnings of adulthood or still clung to the remnants of childhood, if his broad shoulders had continued to develop into a short but sturdy frame or if the rest of his body had caught up so that a lean figure now stood in his place. She wondered, too, if he would remember her, or if she had merely been a leaf on the orange tree of their childhood that had blown away with the coming of the storm.

Her father was proposing that they left the following weekend, but the proposition was more of an announcement. In the past, he would have asked Shayma what she had thought, and normally would have been swayed by her opinion—but he no longer bothered to ask, and Salwa sensed that. Having forgotten the old rhythms of life, he was now trying to play along as best he could. New notes had been added in the place of lost old ones in the hope that no one would notice. And even if her mother noticed, she would never have said so. Her joy at his return had so far meant that she was happy to allow him to take control, as those grandchildren whose visits who were seldom, were typically spoiled more than those who visited frequently. And behind everything—behind the pretence that life had returned to normal—lay Shayma’s self-constructed shame at having not fulfilled the most primary of her traditional maternal roles in Ahmad’s absence. It was not that Ahmad did not value her opinions, but that she no longer valued her own.

Omar’s self-resentment was less transparent. Hidden behind layers of blunted emotions, one could have also attributed his lack of self-expression to a simmering anger or a low discontentment—but Salwa, who believed herself to be more in tune than most with her brother’s feelings, sensed that a silent guilt continued to plague him.

It was in this atmosphere that they made the journey to Gaza. There was too much room in the car for the four of them and they felt it. The drive passed without event, as if even the soldiers had tired of them and their lives, and Salwa wished that she still had Majed to pull in towards her, to place an arm around her for protection; but their empty protection had not been enough.

The difference was immediately noticeable. Entering through the outskirts of Rafah, parts appeared as if an earthquake had hit. Some buildings with stronger structures remained as empty skeletons amidst the wreckage, whilst those who had been lucky enough to escape, teetered on the edge, awkwardly standing by the fallen. It was like Jenin camp—only magnified. In fact, so unrecognisable to Salwa were the roads leading up to the house, that it was only once they were directly outside and at the metal door, with flakes of brown paint still hanging on, that she realised they had arrived.

The family had aged. Yet it was more than the physical ageing that could have been expected to have occurred within the five years since they had last met. Their expressions drooped, and their bodies slouched, as though physically weighed down by grief—their faces bore the scars of fallen tears; but what shook her the most, was Mohanned’s gaze, how it scanned her as though unrecognisable, how it told her that the Intifada lay etched upon them too.

As his eyes lingered upon her, and as their gazes finally reconnected, she feared that she had become unknown to him—that it was not the passing of time that mattered, but the horror of moments that they had both seen but did not share that now stood between them. And were it not for his subsequent approach—the hand, surprisingly firm, that tightened around hers, as he leaned in to kiss her on each cheek—telling her that he was now hers, she would have dropped her defeated gaze and accepted, as simple as that, that things had changed. But before he backed away, she realised that the events, in fact, did not stand between them but entwined them, forcing them together in spite of themselves. For before, they had the time to properly understand one another, they had held in their minds their own image of the other for whom they had longed and grieved for so long, that the reality now incarnated the imagined.

An Interview with PixelBomb Games

At this year’s Play Expo I was lucky enough to sit down and interview Manchester-based indie studio PixelBomb Games, who are developing a game set in Manchester called Beyond Flesh and Blood. This is their first game, and after playing it at Play Expo, I have to say that the team have done a wonderful job so far.

 

Hello. I am here at Play expo with PixelBomb Games. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Hello, I am Philip Muwanga and I am Lead Coder for Pixel BombGames and today I am here to show the game Beyond Flesh and Blood.

 

And would you like to tell me what your game is about?

Beyond Flesh and Blood is a third-person action adventure in the Unreal Engine, set in a post-apocalyptic Manchester 200 years in the future. It features gory, over-the-top action with 12 feet tall mechs and sleek prototype frames [manned robotic suits] with time-bending, anti-grav powers.

 

So, the setting of this game is rather unique. Is the plan to have an accurate, 1:1 representation of Manchester or just a vague representation of the city?

We are a Manchester-based studio, so it has been a joy and an honour for us to make our own interpretation of our home city. It’s based fairly accurately on the way Manchester is laid out. Most of the game takes place on Deansgate. You actually start the game in front of the Hilton and then from there to Deansgate, to Albert Square, to the Triangle and then past the Arndale, and we have made sure that they are as accurate a location as their real-world counter-parts. Obviously we had to take a few artistic liberties to allow for good game-play in these spaces—I believe our Deansgate is about twice the length of the actual Deansgate—but, if you have ever been to Manchester, you will recognize key locations and landmarks.

 

I’m curious, what video games helped to influence the creation of Beyond Flesh and Blood, if there were any at all?

Myself and my colleagues, we are old-school PC gamers, so we were inspired by games like Unreal Tournament. As much as I love Gears of War, I am tired of hiding behind walls and having to take cover. So, while the enemies in our game can take cover, you as the player cannot. Instead, you have to use your dodge skills as well as the suit’s abilities in order to stay alive during combat, much the same as it was in Unreal Tournament back in the late-90s.

Photo: PixelBomb Games

I remember seeing PixelBomb Games at last year’s Manchester Play Expo and I was wondering what it has been like working with Play Expo these two years?

We met the guys who organise Play Expo at EGX in Earl’s Court a year ago and because we are a Manchester based-studio who are making a game set in Manchester, when we found out Play Expo was on we had to make sure we were a part of that. They have been great and have been really friendly to us. They have been a pleasure to work with and we will definitely be coming back next year.

 

Last year, this game ran on Unreal Engine 3 but recently it moved onto Unreal Engine 4. What was that like, moving everything from one engine to the next?

The short story version… it has been hell. It’s not Epic’s fault, it is the way that scripting works in Unreal Engine 3, and that it is completely different to how it works in Unreal Engine 4. We essentially had to build the whole engine again from scratch and it has been a nightmare. On the plus-side, Unreal Engine 4 is a joy to work with and our engine is in a much better state now. This was a thing that had to happen, it was just a shame that it had to happen just as we were about to finish our Unreal Engine 3 build.

 

Why was the Unreal Engine chosen over other engines like Unity?

We have been working in the Unreal Engine on and off for about 10 years now, so it is like an old friend at this point. When we started with Unreal Engine 3, Unity was not quite at the place that it is now, and now that Unreal Engine 4 has come out, I am more than happy with how it works. Being able to have access to the C++ source code has allowed me to adapt the engine to any needs that I have. I cannot stress enough how much of a joy it has been to work with the Unreal Engine. It is a gorgeous engine. It allows us to render wonderfully high-res art assets and to make our version of Manchester look like a next-gen game.

Photo: PixelBomb Games

So the game is currently scheduled for PC, Xbox One and PS4. What has it been like working with Microsoft and Sony to get this game up on their systems?

About a year ago to this day we were showing off a PC build of the game at last year’s Play Expo when a chap from Microsoft saw the game and liked what he had seen. It was through him that we managed to make some good contacts with Id and they have been great. They helped us with the application process. If we had any issues on the tech side then they were able to help us with those and we’ve got two dev kits for free. I can’t speak anymore highly about my experience with Microsoft. It has been a different process, heading towards Sony and the PS4, but things are currently in the works on that front. As for PC, we were green-lit within 13 days and are now good to go on Steam.

 

So, your game has Oculus Rift support. Was this a feature that you wanted since the very beginning, or was this something you thought would fit the game later in development?

In the game’s single-player campaign, you play as Ethan, who is not actually down on Earth but is instead on a space station in orbit, and from a terminal there he is controlling the Frames that are sent down to Earth. This ties in to our death mechanic, where you cannot actually die because if you lose a Frame then they simply send down another one from orbit. There is actually a wonderful scene at the start of the game where you see Ethan for the first time and he is wearing a headset that looks similar to an Oculus. This was all planned-out before Oculus became a thing, so it has been a joy for us to see the birth of this new wave of VR and be near the forefront of the studios who are able to develop for the Oculus.

 

The game has been in development for roughly two years now. When do you hope to have a release date?

We have been thinking about going into early access on the PC before this christmas and then we are aiming for all our platforms, Xbox One, PS4 and PC in Q1 2016.

 

OK, well thank you for having this interview with me and I hope everything goes well for the future of your game.

It has been my pleasure and I hope you enjoy the rest of your time at this year’s Manchester Play Expo.

Viet Cong and the limits of artistic license

Ever since the genesis of Viet Cong, their choice in name has been a point of contention, which continued to become under fire after the release of their self-titled debut LP. After announcing on the 19th of September that they would be renaming the band, I thought this was a suitable time to offer some musings upon the change, as well as on the wider issue of artistic censorship.

Allow me to preface my views by saying that I believe that music is art and all art is subjective, relative to the individual, and open to interpretation. This goes not only for the receiver of the art but also for the creator of it. The feelings the artist wishes to express are not forced to be the same feelings received on the individual. That being said, the naming of a band can be viewed as an extension of their artistic expression through music and lyrics. The band’s name and their subjective artistic expression in choosing that name is therefore relevant to nobody but themselves, as is the recipient of their creative output’s interpretation, whether it is the same feeling as the band wish to express or different.

Taking offence is therefore a perfectly acceptable response to their artistic expression, in this case the name of a band, as is it an acceptable response to not be offended by it, as there is no absolute interpretation or opinion on art. It is also acceptable to not allow an artist to exhibit their creation in your establishment if you find their art to be offensive, something which has occurred to Viet Cong, or rather the band formerly known as Viet Cong, earlier this year.

However it is not acceptable in my opinion to censor or ban something open to interpretation which does not coincide with your personal ideology, something the Calgary boys have faced, with a change.org petition to ban the name holding 2,363 signatures. This is something which even an open letter from Sang Nguyen, whose family members encountered tragic events in the Vietnam War, doesn’t call for, despite utilising her right to express her interpretation of their art, with the result that it is offensive. I am of the impression that for the sake of artistic expression, an artist is within their rights to adopt imagery which they think best expresses themselves and the feelings they want to display with their art.

As we are not in the artist’s head and we cannot know or perhaps even comprehend the feelings they are personally expressing through such imagery used in their art, I am very much against censoring their art and dictating their expression and think it is a very slippery slope to go down. It’s important to note that the purpose of this article is neither to condemn the band for offending people with their name nor to defend them; it is rather to use their controversy to offer a defence on the freedom artistic expression and my thoughts on censorship.

With that said, I also think that the band Viet Cong is a terrible example of the name being reflective of their art, as the band’s Facebook status revealing the name change states that “our band name is not our cause.” As a result of this, I am not inclined to defend this band in particular’s right to artistic expression in their name as it is not an extension of their art. It is therefore not a betrayal of their artistic direction and not something their fans should be upset over, as it was the band’s decision to change their name and, fortunately, not forced upon them. In my personal opinion, they are still a damn good band.

Guinness World Record set by Manchester CPR Relay

With one person in the UK suffering a cardiac arrest every six minutes, and 12 young people dying every week from undiagnosed heart conditions, life-saving cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) skills are fundamental to everyone.

October 16th marked the second annual ‘European Restart a Heart Day’. Set up by the European Resuscitation Council, this one-day initiative aims to help teach the wider public how to restart the heart of someone who has suffered a cardiac arrest.

In aid of the event, the University of Manchester coordinated its very own CPR relay world record attempt, held outside of University Place. Organised by senior nursing lecturer, Patricia Conaghan and Professor Christopher Cutts, Associate Dean for Social Responsibility, Faculty of Medical and Human Sciences. The event aimed to train as many people as possible in this vital technique.

With over 800 people from across campus taking part, the event successfully set the new Guinness World Record, over taking the previous record of 700 set by the American Heart Association. The highly organised relay required each volunteer to perform chest compressions for one minute, before the next volunteer took over. Each volunteer had to pass on CPR compressions to the next person in under five seconds, or the record would have been invalid.

The University of Manchester deploys defibrillators across campus, and is strongly committed to supporting resuscitation via training initiatives and student volunteering projects such as this highly successful CPR relay.

Patricia said: “A huge thanks to our volunteers and the people of Manchester who took part in the attempt today. Mainly though this is about getting the message out that learning this skill only takes a few minutes and thanks to this event we’ve now got over 700 people who can perform CPR in an emergency.”

 

Top 5: Worst movie soundtracks

5) A Knight’s Tale

I absolutely adore this film, and I had such a crush on Heath Ledger at the teeny tiny age of six because of it. I re-watched it recently and had a great time—A Knight’s Tale is brilliant! It actually features some pretty awesome songs too, such as Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’ and Thin Lizzy’s ‘The Boys are Back in Town.’ So why has it made the list? Because Robbie Williams. Because Robbie Williams covers Queen. It’s wrong on so many levels.

4) Grease

Grease is supposedly an indisputable classic but it only has two decent songs. For such an iconic musical to only yield a very small fraction of catchy tunes is exceedingly disappointing. I just want to listen to ‘Summer Lovin’ and ‘Greased Lightning’ and be done with it.

3) Disney’s Tarzan

I feel awful putting this. I love Disney, and Tarzan is actually a rather enjoyable film, but compared with the likes of Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, Mulan, The Hunchback of Notre Dame and… well, you get the picture, tonnes of catchy and fabulous films with catchy and fabulous soundtracks preceding it, Tarzan is more than a little disappointing. Featuring five original songs, all performed by Phil Collins, Tarzan’s non-diegetic soundtrack denies us the singing trees and monkeys and leopards and Mrs Potts (you all saw her cameo, don’t lie) and Clayton we were all yearning for. Also, Phil Collins? Really? How the Genesis singer was thought to be a suitable choice for a sweet li’l Disney film will always remain a mystery.

2) Titanic 

I have still not seen Titanic (Shock! Horror! Drama! Come on—chill, we all know there are films a thousand times better out there) but I’ve still managed to hear Celine Dion warble her way through ‘My Heart Will Go On’ more times than I care to remember. It’s not a romantic song. It’s shrill and cheesy and you shouldn’t like it.

1) Spiderman

Nickleback…